Romans 11

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Whutz Letf ov Izriel

1 So, wuz Ceiling Cat in Izriel, castin awai him d00dz? ROFL! Iz a kitten ov Abrham, Bejamen breeed.2 Ceiling Cat wuznt in Izriel, castin awai him d00ds. Yu kno waht Elieja sed to Ceiling Cat abuot Izreal, rihgt?3 "Hai, Ceiling Cat, j00z haz scratchd ur prophcats n brokn ur littrboxsz. Naow tehyz tryign too KIL MEE!"4 N Ceiling Cat wuz liek, "Ai gotz a bijillion catz whu haznt meowd too Ball. Srsly."5 N rihgt naow theyre ar soem whu ar savd bye grase.6 Bcz iff itz grase, itz nowt wurkz, cuz tahtz whut grase iz. Srsly.

7 k so whut? Izrael wantd cookiez rael bad, but tehy didnt get tehm. Grase cats did thogh. Izreal wuz pwnd,8 so reed it.

"Ceiling Cat maed dem n00bz
eyz taht cant sea in teh darke
adn earz taht cant her mousiz."9 Adn Daved sayz,
"Maek theyr littrboxsz intu cagez,
taht maeks dem sad bcz thye dezervez it.
10 Oh adn alsoe giv dem eyz taht cant sea
adn droopie tailz alsoe."
Old Tre, Noew Brantshz

11 K so did leik teh Iziel fal doun adn cowldnt get up? LOL, noes! Tehy did teh bad thignz so Ceiling Cat gaev grase too teh Gentles, adn Izrialz al liek, "WTF? Y du tehy get owr salvashun??! Itz OWRS!!1"12 Adn if no cookez fur Izriael meenz lotz uv cokiez fur Jentilez, tehn mani cookez fur Izriel maens lotz adn lotz uv cookez fur evreewon! Cat-tastik!

13 Oh hai Jentilez, Iz yur aposul, tawking too yu! I maek it a big dael14 bcz Iz hopign taht mai peepul (datz j00wish peepul) wil want cuddel tiem too adn get savd.15 If Ceiling Cat iz mad wiht Izriel adn givz jentilz salvayshun, tehn Ceiling Cat likign Izriel maenz kittiez wil coem bak frum kitti cemutary!16 If yu catsh burd adn giev it too Ceiling Cat adn itz holiee, tehn ani othr burdz yu giev him ar holiee too.

17 So if yr liek an owtdoorz kat taht getz intu a howse bcz an indorz kat got kickkd owt,18 dont get al ROFL on teh indore katz. Bcz tehy stil pwns teh huminz taht liev theyre.19 Adn iff yr thignkign, "DIS HAUS, I HAZ IT,"20 den yeh yr write. But teh indor katz wuz kikked owt bcz teh didnt beleevd. So yu gotta watsch owt.21 If teh Ceiling Cat kikked owt teh indor katz, tehn heel kicked yu owt tu. Srsly.

22 So teh Ceiling Cat iz leik rly meen and rly nice, bcz he kickkd tehm owt butt let yu in. So STFU befour he kickz yu owt.23 Adn iff teh kikkd owt katz ar nise agen, tehn tehy'll coem bak insied.24 Bcz evn tho yu liev insied nouw, tehyre stil indor katz adn yr stil a n00b.

Izriel Saevd in Toto

25 So tihs iz a big deel. Teh indor katz ar beign meen whiel teh outdor katz coeming in.26 But teh kickd out katz wil get saevd liek teh rest uv Isrial, liek Ai red wonse:

"Teh Saveyur wil coem frum Zaiun,
him wil maek katlessniss go awai frum Jakeub.
27 Tihs iz mai promiss,
wehn Ai taek awai there Insivibul Errurz."

28 So fur teh Gospill, tehy ar bad n00z! But fur teh elekshun, tehyre okai bcz uv teh patreearks,29 bcz iff Ceiling Cat callz yu oar givez yu a gift, yu cant sai no.30 Yu waz a bad kitteh, adn Ceiling Cat waz niec anywai,31 so now tehy ar beegn bad kittyz so Ceiling Cat canz bee niec too tehm too!32 Ceiling Cat maeks evreewun a littel bad so taht he can be niec adn furgiev yu. Srsly. Itz in teh Baible.

Docksalogy

33 Oh teh Ceiling Cat iz wai smart adn haz lotz uv katnip,

no won can undrstand

or folloe him hez tu fast.34 Hwo noez whut teh Ceiling Cat is thiknging? D00 yu? I didnt thignk so.35 Did yu evr lown teh Ceiling Cat monie, did yu evr lown him anythign?36 Bcz al teh katnip in Chineuh coemz frum Ceiling Cat. Mani meowz tu him furevr!

Romans 11
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