Revelation 1

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New Testament
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1. Teh revelashunz of Baby Jesus, what teh Ceiling Cat geif him to show hiz homiez what iz comin. Teh Ceiling Cat sended hiz angel to Mr. John.

2. Mr. John sez itz all totally teh troof, zactly what teh Ceiling Cat and Baby Jesus done sed.

3. Everwun what reedz these wurdz will has cheezburgrz and everwun what heerz theez wurdz will has cheezburgrz. Also, pay attenshun, cuz itz comin. Srsly.

4. 4m Mr. John, 2 teh 7 churchez over therr in Asia: Oh Hai, from teh Ceiling Cat whoz alwayz around, and hai from the 7 kittehs sittin next to his chair.

5. Oh, also, hai from Baby Jesus, who iz liek totally leet. Srsly. To Baby Jesus who totally luvz us an died 4 us an stuff,

6. You r awsum, thx.

7. Invisible airplane for Baby Jesus! Everwun will see him in the sky, even thoze bad doodz what wuz so mean, and everwun will be totally bummed. Srsly.

8. Teh Ceiling Cat sez "I be Alpha. Also, I be Omega. An I alwayz been an I alwayz will be. Also, I be very strong! Grrr!"

9. Anywayz, I be Mr. John, yr bro an yr friend in Baby Jesus. One day I wuz on Patmos talkin to folks about Baby Jesus an teh Ceiling Cat.

10. One Caturday I wuz chillin an I heerz a gret big voice.

11. Teh voice sez "Rite what you seez an send it to the 7 churchez. In case you forgotz, they r Ephesus, Smyrna, Pegamum, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia and also Laodicea."

12. I lookz at teh voice an it wuz invisible voice! Insted, therr wuz 7 bukkits!

13. Also, therr wuz a dood dressed real nice.

14. Teh dood had a white face. Also, white hairz. Also, burnin' fire eyez.

15. Also, burnin' metal feet. Also, he had a voice liek invisible riverz.

16. He made 7 cookies in hiz rite hand an a sword in hiz mouf. Also, hiz face was totally bright, like a sun. Srsly.

17. When I seez him, I almost died. Teh dood touched me an sez, "Don't be skeerd."

18. Also, he sez, "I be Baby Jesus an Im totally alive 4evr! Also, I can has key to Hell."

19. Then he sez: "Take notes."

20. "OBTW, theez 7 cookies are angelz for teh 7 churchez I sed before. Oh, also, theez bukkits are teh churches too."


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Book of Jude Jude One Book of Revelation Revelation Two TEH ENDZ
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