Proverbs 31

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Old Testament
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TEH WERDZ OF LEMEWL

1 Teh werdz ov King Lemewl dat hiz mommy tawt him:

2 Liek, wtf, kid? An liek wtf, kid ov mah wOOm? An liek wtf, kid ov mah meows?

3 U muztnt 2 much PENIS GOES WHERE? wif teh chix0rs or wif teh skanks dat pwn kingz.

4 Wine iz not 4 kingz. Beerz iz not 4 princez.

5 Cuz dey drink an get st00pid an meen. So tehre.

6 Giv beerz to kittehz dat iz ready 2 b ded, an wine to dose dat haz harblz.

7 Let dat kittehz drink, an forget his harblz, an furgetz teh sad timez.

8 Open ur mouf for teh kittez dat can't tawk an stuff.

9 Open ur mouf, b coolz an nise to the lil kittez. Kthxbai.

TEH PURFEKT WIFE

10 Teh gud wife iz bettr dan cheezburgrz! Srsly!

11 her huzban trus her, an he haz the monies

12 shez gud an don hert him.

13 gud wief iz maikin teh blankits for huzban to ly on wen he tyrd

14 she olwaiz maikin teh dinur on tiem

15 she werk vewee hard evun in nite tiemz wen evrywan els b sweeps.

16 her tinks bout feeld, n sez, I wantz it, and her baiz it. Den her maekz graepz grow in teh feeld. srsly.

17 her is srsly pwnzer, n herz got lotza strengthz, more then u.

18 Her maekz gud stuffz an lotsa muneez, and her can stayz up all nites!.

19 her uzez dis staff, or mebe dat won, n she holdz it n her pawz.

20 she giv her spayr cheezburgerz an cookiez to demz dat iz not having ne!!

21 wen it snoez she be liek totalli kOOl cauz she alredi makeded teh scarfz an hatz for her huzban an bebeh kittehz

22 she also makeded lots blankeez for dem to sweeps on

23 an teh peepelz dey all lieks her husban an dey lets him makeded up sum of teh rOOlz

24 she maiks fings to sell so she gets lotsa moar muneez

25 she iz strong kitteh an happi kitteh

26 she haz teh wizdumz an she shayrz it wif uver kittehz hoo iz looking fur it

27 she taik cayr of her hawse an bebeh kittehz an she nevur b lazee evur - srsly!!!

28 shez huzban an bebeh kittehz dey iz luving her lots

29 lots of wimins iz gud but she is teh bestest - srsly!!!

30 teh wiminz hoo be all charmin - dey be liarz, teh wimin hoo iz pritti, dey gets uglee wen dey iz ohld but wiminz hoo is skaird of teh ceiling cat is teh bestest!!! SRSLY I tellz yu

31 giv her teh cheezburgerz - she ern dem an den yu tell all teh peepels she iz gud kitteh! kthx

Proverbs 31
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