Proverbs 1

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Old Testament
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I HAS A PROVERBS

1 O hai, I r Solomon: David iz mai dad an I rulz Israel.2 Wizdum, I haz it and dissiplin for I iz nevr scrachin de furnichur an I nos fings.3 I is fair an duz gud fings,4 An be liek yoda an' stuffs,5 A d00d shoud get skooled,6 So's they can figgur out hows teh doornobs werk.7 Bein' scared and respectin of teh Ceiling Cat iz pretty good start. But yu needs pay attenshun 2 ur teecherz too.


WYSDOM

8 Lissen to ur pop, and do wut ur momma sez, srsly,

9 Cuz thay will buy u sum cookies.

10 If sum d00d wants to steal cheezburgr, don't halp him.

11 If he sez, "omg, lets hied ovr here, an' jump on doodz,

12 Lets eated them, An' taek all teh cookies thay has,

13 An' ais giev yuz haef of teh cookies thay hasded.

14 An' we can eated teh cookies,"

15 Yuo do not want! Do not eated anybuddy or thier cookies.

16 D00dz liek dat iz evul.

17 Cuz if yuo eat teh cookies,

18 Teh cookies really eated u.

19 SRSLY!!!!!.

Wizdum Warns Yu

20 Wisdom posts on teh internets, n edits wikipedia.

21 she posts in threadz on 4chan and somethingawful:

22 "How long, ye simple kittehs, will ye love simplicity? and the luzors delight in their lulz, and fools hate nollege?

23 Lissn to mai hiss: behold, I will pour out my HoverCat in yer hats, I will make lowd yowling screamings unto you.

24 Coz I have mao'd, and yu sed 'stoopid cat'; I have stretcheded out my clawz, and no man was skeered of scratchings;

25 YOU DUZZN'T STOP masturbating when I sez I wachtded yuz!:

26 I is LOLing at yur trubbels; I has ROFL wen yu fael off teh computar tv

27 Wen in yur lief der b big bad storm wif crashings of tunders and flashings of litenings and big bad twister to whirl u rownd an rownd till u is dizzi

28 Den i can has calls, but i no annser; i can has tehm seekings meh, but I iz hiding frm dem:

29 Dum d00dz kno feerz Ceiling Cat:

30 Dey not wants my halp: wtf?!?1!.

31 Den they will eatz teh cookies ov der selfezez, and dey will getz no cheezbrgr

32 Deyr badness and ebil will mak dem ded and dey be silly kittehz who will nevr hav no cheezburgerz!.

33 But den if dey lissens to wizdumz and duz wat dey iz told dey will get cheezburgerz and not get ded - no wai."

Proverbs 1
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