Proof of Ceiling Cat
From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Awgooments For Ceiling Cat
Thees awgooments ar in ur computer, teechin ur mind bout teh Ceiling Cat. They ar gud. i iz kwl!!!!!!!!!1
Teh howse is jus riet for us kittehs. Is not too cowd or too hot. Is jus niec an warm an cuddlee. Teh hoomins gif us fud wen we ask an scrach us wen we mew qyoot. We gets to slepe anywhar an teh hoomins even gif us warm piels of cleen close to lay on. How awesoem!
If Ceiling Cat dint ecksist how cud all of dis happun? If teh howse wus too cowd we wud be ded kittehs wif ice! If teh howse wus too hot we wud be ded kittehs wif crispees! If hoomins not der to feed us we wud be reely skinneh and ded kittehs. If Ceiling Cat dint maek hoomins for us sleepin anywhar wud not be fun! An no cleen close to slepe on!
Evewythin in howse is riet for kitteh and dat is how we kno Ceiling Cat is reel, srsly.
We aes lolcats cann appweshiate teh fien tings in leif. We luvs teh cheesburgerz an we luv it wen we haev a neic waerm bed to slepe in. Ceiling Cat maed evewyting so pwetty an tuld us tat it wer pwetty. Dat is wai Ceiling Cat is so orsum an wae luv teh Ceiling Cat.srsly
Fiwst Cawse (Cawsmolawgicle Awgooment)
Evewythin need a cawse, cuz, um, dat is how it is. We mew an hoomins gif us fud. Hoomins go in noysy box an go awayz an dey com bak wif fud. Dis is cawse an effekt. Who gifs teh hoomins fud? Oder hoomins cant gif hoomins fud so Ceiling Cat mus be givin dem fud for us and dem. See, Ceiling Cat bless teh hoomins wif fud for feedin us, how niec of Ceiling Cat! Hoomins must be pettin him awl teh tiem!
Ceiling Cat maed teh fiwst mew, an he maed fud for awl hoomins and kittehs. Der be no utta way to maek fud, srsly. So Ceiling Cat stawteded it awl!
Saentcat Anselm was liek Iz gotsa ideah of dis graetest catbeing. Mai ideah of Ceiling Cat tis in mai miend. Ceiling Cat can bea realz. Srsly. Buttz ifs Ceiling Catz oenly plaeyin in mah hed and maibemietof existead den Ceiling Cat miet has bean moar pwnzor den he rlly is!! Oh noes!!1 Cuz den Ceiling Catz bigger in mah head den Ceiling Cat is fer realz! Airgoe, dis Ceiling Cat is moar grater den dat Ceiling Cat. Butz den, Saentcat Anselm was liek: "haha, I pwnzor uz catz wifout daeiteyz wif mah reduktshio add ubserdom!" Ceiling Cat can noe be bigger den anything else! Therefoars Ceiling Cat is in mah head ans in teh reelallities! Srsly!
Teh hiskool dropout
Iz findin cheezburger on ground and I noz sum dropoutz has been workin in MacD's. There cantz be a cheezburger withouts a hiskool dropout been makin it. So I sees Urfs and iz be thinking "Dang that bees wun fine Urfs" sumone must av maed it. dis fine urths cudnt av com form nothin. must b ceiling cat
Can says "Oh Hai"? Liek who maik teh littrboxz? Liek who putin niec smelly new littr? Sum catz, riet? Nawt jus anny catz, riet? Reeeeeel smarty catz, meeee-oooowww! Can has rubs bellie? Nawt jus anny catz, riet? Niec rubs can has Ceiling Cat. Ceiling Cat has niec littrboxz first anna clumpy littr. Tehn youse catz can has one. Youse skratch, youse sqwat, den youse pee, den youse cover. Niec skratch.
Oh Hai, lookey here! Nawt jus anny littr clump. Who can has maded this niec clumpy pee? Nawt jus anny catz, riet? Must be reeeeel smarty catz, riet? See? Lookey? Sniffz. Clumpz. Taht splanes it. Ceiling Cat teh Telljunt Dezynr uv reel niec clumpy pee. Ceiling Cat sez so. Srsly. K'Thnxbai.
Paffshcal wus clever kitteh hu wus laik: "I am not knoin if teh Ceiling Cat is reel." Oh noes! But Paffshcal was thinkin an thinkin, an he wus laik "If I is beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat, and he is reel, I will be gettin cheezburger. But if I has no beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat, and he is reel, I will be getting pwned. If there no Ceiling Cat, no matter anywai. I think I is beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat."
All teh kittehs are knowing wut is gud and wut is no gud. Cheezburgers be good, and pwnin ur eminies is no gud (fur dem lol). How ar we knowing these tings if Ceiling Cat has not tuwd us?! Ceiling Cat tells all teh kittehs wut is gud and wut is no good, so we knows wut to do. In a pewfec wold doowin gud wud be ruwaded bai hapines butt dis aint alwaiys rite cos dis wun tiem ia wus leik "hai hows yu" an he wus leik "GTFO". Dis means dat der mus be moar leif to reewad us wit teh cheezburgerz we deeservs, an dat mus be Ceiling Cat. kthnxbai.
Der iz sum fings dat iz so complicatd dat dey had tu be creeatd, cuz if yu taeks wun pees off, dey not wurks anymoar. Liek, der iz teh sofa, an it iz gud fr sleeping. But if yu taeks teh pillow off, it not gud anymoar! Cleerly, teh sofa cood not evolv. LOLZ. If yu finks teh sofa evolvd, yu iz stoopid. we wearz nawchoes kaythnxbai
Mai very speshul miricle!
I wuz in mai chair and i wuz feelin reely reely icky bicky. I hadz a diseez: Oh noes! But i asked teh Ceiling Cat to save me reely nicely. I was laik "pleez" and "kthx" and everythings! Then i looked outs of teh windows and i saw teh sun shining on me. I wuz feeling Ceiling Cat lickin me clean. At the end I wuz all betta! Ceiling Cat maded my diseez goes away! Hu else could be invisible doctor?!?!?! Sow Ceiling Cat is reel, kthnxbai.
Sum luckeh kittehs iz visted by teh Ceiling Cat an tehn tehy do weeurd stuff liek wot they hadnt befour. Liek tehr wus a kitteh once tha wuz killin all teh niec kittehs tha wuz lieking the Ceiling Cat. Booooo!!! But tehn he wuz on teh way to kill sum more kittehs wen teh Ceiling Cat cum down an tek awey teh kittehs eyez. He wuz liek WTF!?!? An teh Ceiling Cat wuz liek “wy yu be killin mai kittehs? Iz gonna pwn yu” but thn he didnt pwn him an gev him his eyez bak an teh kitteh wuz so graytful an he lieked the Ceiling Cat to jus liek the kittehs hed bin killin!
Awgooment frum Happies
Wif beleefs in Ceiling Cat I can has a happie. Wif no Ceiling Cat I wud be sad liek teh LOLrus wif no bukkit. I do wants can has a happie so I beleefs in Ceiling Cat kthxbai.
Teh Kittehless Ceiling Nietmaer
Srsly, hav yu haz teh kittehnip??/????/? It fitz in kittehs pawz. It iz ez to et. It maekz kittehz teh happiez. It not maekz kittehz teh sik. It dekompoez gud. Old kittehz can haz kittehnip an babiez can haz kittehnip. Srsly. D00dz dat no liek Ceiling Cat can haz pruf cuz kittehnip wuz maed for teh kittehs. Srsly. Dat d00d from Groing Paynz sez itz treu an him iz smart.
Wai R We Rguin Aneway?
Srsly, taht jus goin back to Ceiling Cat. All teh rguing bout' Ceiling Cat not bein reel r just peepel bein jellis an stuff. Srsly.
Ceiling Cat PWNS
Him no can has kittehs bleev n Hm if he no PWNS the ceiling an da flor. Iz just one kitteh but i bleevs bcuz if no PWNS wy falow, srsly? why n00bkitteh thinkin can maek Ceiling Cat kitteh us can PWNS? no maek sens. Ceiling Cat maek kitteh on flor laek Him, but NO CAN BEES Ceiling Cat. Srsly. U want to pwn all n00bs but do rite thing bah all kitteh? nao. din thunkso. Ceiling Cat PWNS bcuz him knao all bout kitteh laek me and likes me whollotz anyways n give JebusCat so ai no dai no moar.i been bad kitteh and do all notty things but Ceiling Cat luvz me and gis me cheezburger an cookie and invizbl bikes cuz he waents me be hapi, but i only happi cuz ceiling cat luvz me n would be happy wifout cheezburger if i can has ceiling cat pwns me 4ever. Srsly.
Awgooments not for Ceiling Cat
Note dat moest agooments bulloh fawlo dis logik: "Ceiling Cat is liek dis" (evin tho no b bileevin in Ceiling Cat) n their4 shud do dis. But iz bad logik. Ceiling Cat haz wants we kittehs not see. Uf coars he wantz us have cheezburgr, but also he wantz us choos bitween gud n bad. Ceiling Cat wantz us 2 not skraetch cowch cuz we want gud, not cuz we scared uf basement. He awso want free will so he caent pruve he der. If he pruve it, den choice iz ceiling or basement n not gud or bad. No kitteh want basement, but meny kitteh want bad. To chuse bad, kitteh must not bileev in basement. Utherwies kitteh chuse gud 2 avoyd basement, not cuz kitteh want 2B gud. That y Ceiling Cat sneeky, that y Ceiling Cat not rain cheezburger, that y Ceiling Cat not gifts miricals 2 all kittehs. Sum kittehs warn udder kittehs be gud or get pwned in da basement, but dat iz bad theiolgy. Ceiling Cat not want 2 pwn and not thret to pwn. Ceiling Cat want all kittehs chuse gud, b gud, luv him, and luv uther kittehs. If kitteh no want 2b gud and just pwn udder kittehs and cowchez, den kitteh diserv da basement. So iz not thret to be gud, iz inviet to life, srsly. kthxbai. ~Ceiling Pawfit
Awgooment from No Has Cheezburger
If Ceiling Cat wuz reel, He iz gud kitteh nd haz teh powerz to pwn evrywun. But if Ceiling Cat wuz gud kitteh, then He wants all teh kittehs to haz cheezburger. Nd if Ceiling Cat has powerz to pwn evrywun, He haz powerz tu gives all teh kittehs cheezburger. But sum kittehs no has cheezburger. :'( So Ceiling Cat iz not reel.
(Sum n00bs say this iz becoz Ceiling Cat gived us Free Will, and teh reel reason some kittehs no has cheezburger is becoz other kittehs yuze Free Willz tu steel cheezburger and eated it--not Ceiling Cat's fawlt! But this splaination not plausibling: everycat knowz that cheezburger iz better than Free Will. Sum saiz dat Free Will maeks sum kittehs not wantz Ceiling Cat, an dey livz in teh toylut bowl cuz dey refwse beelevin in Ceiling Cat. Not Ceiling Cat's fawlt! kthxbye)
Rddl ov teh Epicuriuz kitteh
If cellin cat can haz willz maek u not do sumfing eefil den he dontz... den he no can b omnizpten. If he wanZ but no can has?!!1!? Srsly? den he suckZ azz. no can haz cheezbuger. cantz cellin cat do both? werez b basement cat frum den? If cellin cat no canz haz do bof den mebbez we aint b callinz him dat no mo.
hez can haz no cheezburger srsly. pwnd. gtfo
Awgooments frum Eevul in teh Urfs
He, liek, nevr duz anyfing. An der iz lots ov bad fings in wurldz. Liek, I wuz in teh best warm spot on teh rug, but den it moovd, an Iz cood not be in it anymoar. WAI, CEILING CAT, WAI??? WAI YU SO CROOL??? So, him not exist. An teh Ceiling Cat sed tu kill teh Jews, but wez not ded yet! LOLZ! Yu looz!
Counterargument from Rajah: Ceiling Cat too buzy sleeping and eating cheezburger to du nethink. You has no bad things in Ceiling! If you be bad and not believ in him, he wil maek bad tings happen to you. So therez. Jews git killed in apucolpse. Not yt.
Wen ceiling cat sez that stuf is gud ther is problum cuz yu cant sey yu ort to do sumthing logickly just cuz of wot it iz, srsly. Yu mite wnt to cuz yu mite get cheezburger but thatz not logickl or morul. So ceiling cat iz silly an Iz not lisning. STFU n00b or I will pwn yu cus therz no morulz.
Teh Yewtheefro Dielemmer
How do we kno ceiling cat iz good? He miet be lyin. He sez he iz gud but sum stuf seems harsh. If evrythin he sez iz gud iz gud thn gudnes is arbitrerry. but if hez gud ackordin to a hier ideeul then he iz not tha ultimut, srsly. liek ceiling cat sez taht gays is rong an gurl kittehs shud serv therr boy kittehs, but lots of kittehs tinkin taht is rong. So we iz knowin wot iz riet withowt ceiling cat, so no need for ceiling cat.
Miriclez is Hapnin Sumtimes
If ceiling cat iz doin teh miricles tehn wy is he only doin it sumtimes? liek why is he savin teh Jew kittehs from teh prissy egypt kittehs but not from teh hairy jermun kittehs? ceiling cat be pwnin kittehs can no be gud. he give miriclez to awl teh gud kittehs who eet cheezburgerz awl teh tiem. liek he givd geico for savinz fifteen percentz awn cahr insuranzez an stuf. bad kittehs wif fancee feest no be tastee cheezburgerz kittehs an ceiling cat no liek thows kittehs. CEILING CAT BE PWNIN AWL DE TIEM AN PUTZ COWL IN YOOZ STOCKINZ
Teh Powerz Contradichun
If Ceiling Cat is havvin teh powerz to does anythun and also if Cat can srsly know abouts evrythun that is abouts to happun then leik howz is possupple? If Ceiling is knowun wat Cieling Cat is about to does how can he has powerz to change sumfin he knows gon happen?
Look around an see niec stuff liek kitteh an hooman an cheezburger an iz so niec mus be maded by reeeel smarty catz. But hoo can has maded smarty catz? Mus be reeeeel reeeeeel smarty catz. Srsly. But who can has maded reeeeel reeeeeel smarty catz? Dis jus give smarty catz maded smarty catz for eva an iz, liek, stoopid.
Insted, can has evolution. Evolution is, liek, oh hai? u wants cheezburger u wait. Srsly. Iz gotta start simpul an bild an bild an bild til I can has reeel complex stuff. Even cheezburger. Evolution no can has kitteh littrboxz so need moar luck, but anthropic prinshipul say can has stuff even reeel smarty catz not imagin. Srsly. So no need Ceiling Cat. kthxbai
Reely beeg cheezburger
Ceiling Cat cans do anyfink, but cans he make a cheezburger so big that evn He cans not nom eet?!?!?!?!
If he cans not maik it, he cans not do evrythink, but if he cans, and then he cans not nom eet, he still cans not do evryfings!?!?!?! Oh noes!
So Ceiling Cat cans not be doing everythink, so He iz not bein reel.
COUNTERARGOOMINTZ: teh ceiling cat no maikz big cheezburgerz cuz wut if sum kittehz wantz sum but not enuff fo awl teh kittehz in teh wurlz an no can get ther to has awsum cheezburgerz??? ceiling cat maikz smawl cheezburgerz so awl kittehz can has. ceiling cat jus be fairz fo awl kittehz. hez dooin riite ting. ceiling cat is reel. (an ceiling cat maik big cheezburgerz fo awl teh birdcatz an ceiling cat an happy cat. yoo no can has yet. srsly.)
Kittehless Ceiling Wedgar
So dis d00d Pascal wuz liek "if i beleevs in Ceiling Cat, i winz neways, evn if Celing Cat reel or not." An den dees kittehs dat no haz beleefs in Ceiling Cat sed "how u noes wich Ceiling Animule to beleev in? Srsly. An if Celing Cat is reel, he gun noes u jus wants free ried to the Ceiling. An den wut bout all the tiems u wastesz goin to church n stuff if Cileng Cat not reel? An wat if u jus preten to beeleef thatz Ceiling Cat is reel cuz den u wil jus be pertend an u wil go to basment Cat newaiz. Fur reelz liek."
Free will paradoks
Ceiling Cat givz free will, but he noes what kittehs r going 2 do cuz Ceiling Cat iz omnishcientz. Dis is paradoks cuz u no can haz free will if Ceiling Cat allreedy noes wut ur going 2 do, srsly. Kthxbai.
(Edit: greystar13 Kounterargumentz: We can has Free Will an Ceeling Cat can still haz omni... omnomnom... know evry things. This is 'cause wez no can has know what our choicez will be B4 we makes dem. Liek I can has psychic powah! So I no u is skrach yer head aftar readin' dis, but I no tellz U dat. So, I has knowing, and u does not, so u stil haz Free Will 'bout skrach head, even do I new B4 u did it. Iz like dat wif Ceeling Cat, only al time. kthxbai.)
(Edit: trashcondor reButtLOL: I not haz skrach mai hed aftar readin urs. NO sykick powah! joo haz knowin nots until I does. Ceiling cat has knowin nots naider until I does. srsly. Free Willy haz deffinishuns, go jew an habeeb eet)
(Edit: koedMunkyz joo Weerd: greystar13 iz raight. Ceiling Cat nowludge not maek u do sumfing, srsly. Grey not sykick, but evin if waz itz no taeks ur free will. Ceiling Cat noes all wifout maeking ur choyce fer u. Ur "paradoks" makz no sens. U maibe meanz para sox? Ur sox stuk on ur hed and no can has ayes to sea? Tel me how deffinishun sez sumone nollige taek awai free will. Maek no sens.)
Wuttif Iz is missin a fwend
If Iz are gud but won of mai fwends iz bad den dey is goin 2 teh basemnts, rite? but if dey arented on da Ceiling wif me den wont i be sad cuz Iz cant eated cheezburger wif dem? but pplz sayen dat Ceiling is da ulltimat happy place n u cant be da tainiest bit sad n stuf. but if ur fwend is r n da basemnts u gotz 2 be da sad fur dem amirite? dis makeded no sense. srsly. kittehs r awesume, -frum cheezeburgeryum
No Can Has Basement Cat
Ceiling Cat can do anyfing k? And he want to give kittehs cheezburger k? But dere's Basement cat, who take kitteh's cheezburgers. If Ceiling Cat can doo anyfing and want give kittehs cheezburgers, den y he not dstroy Basement Cat? No make sense!!! awl teh ceiling cat can doo is giv gud kittehz teh cheezburgerz an pwn basement cat sumtiemz. yoo has choiees 2 doo gud kitteh tings. bad kittehs has basement cat. dat is dat. kthanx, srsly.
(Coutnr awgwoomint: teh basement cat wuz a kitteh of teh ceiling cat named Lucifer and ceiling cat gave him lotz of giffs laik lotz of cheezeburgerz and sawf furrz and perty mews and stuffz. but Lucifer letted ceiling cat's giffs go to his hedd and he thawt him was bettr than ceiling cat, srsly, so he wanted to taek ceiling cat's plaes as teh meity roolr ovur teh kittehs, but ceiling cat throwed him down to teh floor. so his naem wuzn't Lucifer no more bcuz dat wuz his naem as teh ceiling cat's favrit kitteh, and he wuzn't teh ceiling cat's favrit kitteh no more, srsly. so he wuz teh basement cat, and he haz just as much freewilly az teh kittehs of teh floor. Srsly. kthnx bai.)
Wherr Basement Cat fit in all diz wiv Ceelin cat
Yarr, iz not a miff - Basement Cat is fo'reel. OK he no mind u tinkin Ceiling Cat iz teh mozt awsesum - but rly widdout Basement Cat der wuld be no balunce and widdout balunce in teh yooniverz it wuld ALL go crazee so Basement Cat's purrpus iz to bring stabeeliteez. OK if u bee wantin u can say he is darrk or evilz or sumting; Basement Cat no reely care. He kno he iz awse. He kno he is needed. He kno wut hiz purrpus iz an so he juz do his job - wich iz simplee tu bee.
(Coutnr awgwoomint- If Ceiling Cat was reel, he cud makd it so wee no needz stabiliteez. srsly)
(Coutnr awgwoomint- But Ceiling Cat allows us to makey choicees. he no forcedz kittehs. you can doez srsly.) da ceiling cat iz awsome!!!!!!!!!!