Matthew 5

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New Testament


teh catitudes

1 wen he seez lotz kittehz, he climbz tree. His BFz climbz tree too.

2 he sez:

3 cheezburgrz 4 kittehz wiv no cookies on tehy inside; tehy can has Ceiling.

4 cheezburgrz 4 sad kittehz; tehy can has petting.

5 cheezburgrz 4 kittehz taht not want pwn otehr kittehz; they can has urths when otehr kittehz is daid.

6 cheezburgrz 4 kittehz taht is liek "can i has good?"; an cookies 2.

7 cheezburgrz 4 kittehz taht no pwn otehr kittehz; Ceiling Cat no pwn tehm.

8 cheezburgrz 4 kittehz taht has bath on they inside; Ceiling Cat no invisble 4 tehm.

9 cheezburgrz 4 cheezmakrs; Ceiling Cat is liek "u mi kittehz."

10 cheezburgrz 4 kittehz taht iz pwned by otehr kittehz coz tehy iz good; tehy can has Ceiling.

11 cheezburgrz 4 kittehz taht iz pwned by otehr kittehz coz of me.

12 b happy. u can has cookie in Ceiling, cos itz liek wen kittehz pwned Ceiling Catz kittehz.

Teh Cheezburgerz and teh meme

13 u r teh cheezburgerz. if cheezburgerz haz no cheez, taste bad. trashcat can has it.

14 u r teh meme of teh internet. lolcat pic online iz not invizible.

15 emos dont frendslock lj posts. tehy post public 4 all teh internetz.

16 u 2 post lolcat pic online so internetz is liek "OMG! ur so k00l! Ceiling Cat rockz!"

17 dont break law. im in ur earth fulfilling ur prophecy

18 iz all true. srsly. law iz not deleted

19 if u break law, no can has cheezburger. if u teach law, can has lotz cookiez 20 u b good kittehz or Ceiling Cat is liek "bad kittehz! u can not has mi pad!"


21 u kno if u pwnz0rz, Ceiling Cat is liek "wtf? bad kittehz!"

22 but if u is liek "u n00b!", i burns u in hell rotfl

23 if u has gift 4 Ceiling Cat An u has pwned ur brother

24 ur brother can has hugs b4 u give gift 2 Ceiling Cat

25 lawyers screw u. settle out of court. srsly

26 or they take all ur $$. iz all true. srsly.


27 Ceiling Cat iz liek "no buttsecks!!1!1 bad kittehz!"

28 but im liek "wtf? im in ur brain, watching u think about it"

29 if ur eye sins, scratch it out with ur claws, or i burnz u in hell rotfl

30 if ur paw sins, bite it off, or i burnz u in hell rotfl


31 Ceiling Cat iz liek "pay divorce lawyer"

32 but im like "divorcee iz slut. i burnz u in hell rotfl"


33 Ceiling Cat iz liek "dont break oath or i break u!!1!"

34 but im like "omgwtf? dont swear by Ceiling Catz pad

35 "or by Ceiling Catz paws on floor

36 "or by ur fir

An Eye for an Eye

37 "ya rly:=ya rly; no wai:=no wai. else evil kitteh."

38 Ceiling Cat iz liek "i 4 i, fnag 4 fang"

39 but im liek if bad kittehz spank u, turn otehr cheek

40 if bad kittehz take ur fir, give ur tail 2 41 if dogs chase u 1 mile, run 2

Love for Enemies

42 if u makes a cookie 4 some1, doe not eated it

43 Ceiling Cat iz liek "wuv ur BFFz, hate bad kittehz"

44 but im liek "wuv bad kittehz 2"

45 u r all Ceiling Catz kittenz. Sun shines on good kittehz and bad. Also rain :-(

46 if u wuv only ur BFFs, u can not has cheezburger. even teh taxman do taht shit.

47 if u iz liek "oh hai" 2 only ur BFFs, wtf? only n00bz do taht.

48 b k00l liek Ceiling Cat

Matthew 5
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