Matthew 3

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  1. In dem dayz caem John Teh Baptizt, preachin in teh wilderness of Judea,
  2. And sayin "ZOMG, Kingdom Of Heven am at hand! Repent!
  3. For dis is he dat teh profet Esaias was speekin of, sayin Teh voice of teh one cryin in teh wilderness, Prepare teh way of teh Lord guise, make his pats strayt.
  4. And teh saem John was wearin camul hair and a leather girdle round his harbls; and he eated bugs and hunny.
  5. Den he went out to Jerusalem, and all Judea and all teh region round Jordan
  6. And he baptized ppls in teh Jordan, and dey confezzed dere sins
  7. But wen he saw teh Fairy-sees and Saddu-sees com to his baptizm, he sayed "J00 viperz, who warned j00 to flea teh wrath that am comin?
  8. Gimmeh derefore teh fruitz for te repentense.
  9. And dont tink dat j00 has Abraham as j00r dad, cuz Ceiling Cat cud maek dese stones into kiddies of Abraham
  10. And now teh axe pwns teh rute of teh tree, and all teh trees dat dont make leet fruitz get pwnd and burninated
  11. For srsly, I baptize ppls wit water, but teh next gai dat comin, and he so leet I cant even has his shoos: he gonna baptize ppls wit fire and teh Holey Ghostie!
  12. He gonna get all teh weet and put it in teh weet house, and he gonna burninate teh chaff with teh leet fire of pwnage!
  13. Den Jesus caem from Gallalee, to has baptizm from John
  14. But John was all "Ur doin it rong, j00 needz to baptize me"
  15. And Jesus answered sayin "STFU and baptize me n00b" and John did.
  16. Wen he was baptized he gtfo of teh water and, ZOMG, teh hevens opened up and teh Spirit of Ceiling Cat caem down liek a duv and landeded on him
  17. And, ZOMFGWTF, a voice from heven sayed "Hai guise, dis my son, and I tink he teh leet"
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