Matthew 3

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New Testament
John Teh Baftis preepairs teh wai?

1 In dem dayz caem John Teh Baftis, preachin in teh wilderness of J00dea,2 And sayin "ZOMG, Kingdom Of Cat Heving am at hand! Be vaerdy sardy!3 For dis is him dat teh profet Zai-ass was speekin of, sayin" teh voice of teh one cryin in teh wilterness, Prepare teh way of teh Lord guise, make his pats strayt."

4 And teh saem John was wearin camul hair and leather pantz; and he eated bugs and hunnys.5 Den he went out to Jeroozlem and J00dea and all round Jortan6 And he gived water bafs to ppls in teh Jortan, and dey told ther Invizable Errors to him an Ceiling Cat

7 But wen he saw teh Fairy-sees and Saddu-sees com to his baf, he sayed "J00 snaky n00bs, who warned j00 to flea teh wrath that am comin?8 If ur all rly sorry, do teh gud stuff Ceiling Cat told u 2 do!9 And dont tink dat j00 has Abraham as j00r dad, cuz Ceiling Cat cud maek dese stones into kitlins of Abraham10 And now teh axe pwns teh rute of teh tree, and all teh trees dat dont make leet fruitz get pwnd and burninated, LOL"

11 "For srsly, I give water bafs to ppls wit waters, but teh next gai dat comin, and he so 1337 I cant even has his shoos: he gonna give bafs to ppls wiv far and Hovercat!12 He get all teh weets and put in weets house, and he gonna burninate teh straws thats left ovar with teh leet fire of pwnage!

Happy Cat gets Water Baf!

13 Den Happy Cat caem from Garary, to has water baf from John14 But John was all "Ur doin it rong, j00 needz to water baf me"

15 And Happy Cat sayed "STFU and gib to me water baf n00b" and John did.

16 Wen he was gived water baf he gtfo of teh water and, ZOMG, teh ceilinz opened up and Hover Cat caem down liek a duv and landeded on him17 And, ZOMFGWTF, a voice from heven sayed "Hai guise, dis my son, and I tink he teh 1337."

Jesus13 copy.jpg

Matthew 3
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