Matthew 28

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I Can Has Ressurection???

1 aftr teh sabbath, at dawn on teh furst dai ov teh week, mary magdalene an teh othr mary went 2 look at teh tomb.2 thar wuz violent earthquaek, 4 an angel ov teh lord came down frum heaven an, goin 2 teh tomb, rolld bak teh stone an sat on it.3 his appearance wuz liek lightnin, an his clothez wuz wite as snow.4 teh guardz wuz so afraid ov him dat they shook an became liek ded doodz.5 teh angel sed 2 teh women, "do not be afraid, 4 i knoe dat u r lookin 4 jebus, hoo wuz crucifid.6 he iz not her; he has risen, jus as he sed. Come an c teh place wer he lay.7 den go quickly an tell his disciplez: he has risen frum teh ded an iz goin ahead ov u into galilee. Thar u will c him. Nao i has told u."8 so teh women hurrid away frum teh tomb, afraid yet filld wif joy, an ran 2 tell his disciplez.9 suddenly jesus met them! "greetings," he sed. They came 2 him, claspd his feet an worshipd him.10 den jesus sed 2 them, "do not be afraid. Go an tell mah brothers 2 go 2 galilee; thar they will c me."

Teh guardz report

11 while teh women wuz on their wai, sum ov teh guardz went into teh city an reportd 2 teh chief priests evrythin dat had happend.12 when teh chief priests had met wif teh elders an devisd plan, they gaev teh soldiers large sum ov money,13 tellin them, "u r 2 say, his disciplez came durin teh nite an stole him away while we wuz asleep.14 if dis report gets 2 teh governor, we will satisfy him an keep u out ov trouble."15 so teh soldiers took teh money an did as they wuz instructd. An dis story has been widely circulatd among teh jews 2 dis vry dai.

Teh great commishun!

16 den teh eleven disciplez went 2 galilee, 2 teh mountain wer jebus had told them 2 go.17 when they saw him, they worshipd him; but sum doubtd.18 den jebus came 2 them an sed, "all authority in heaven an on earth has been given 2 me.19 therefore go an mak disciplez ov all nashuns, baptizin them in [a] teh naym ov teh ceiling cat an ov teh happy cat an ov teh hover cat,20 an teachin them 2 obey evrythin i has commandd u. An surely im wif u always, 2 teh vry end ov teh age."

Teh Footnote

Matthew 28
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