Malachi 1

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Old Testament
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1 Ceiling Cat's Meowz 2 Israel, that Malachi sez.

Ceiling Cat lieks Jacob an haetz Esau

2 I luvs u, rait? Sez Ceiling Cat. U sez, Nu-uh. E-sw wuz Jacbs bruder, I luvs Jacb, rait?3 E-sw is a n00b. I'm in his mountins layin waste to his hertge for the dragins!

4 Edom sez, we so puur. But we bild churchez kthxbai. Ceiling cat sez: U put up i knoxit dwn, u sux, and evrybodi knws it. Ceiling Cat h8s u frever kthx.5 U can sees, u cant touches.

Sumtiemz u givz prezintz to Ceiling Cat but dey suk

6 Kitteh luvs cat, Ibe CEILING cat, where be luv, Kitteh? Sez Ceiling cat. U sez WTF?7 Ceiling Cat sez. u leaved teh bad cheezburger in mah bowlz,. U sez "WTF?". Ceiling Cat sez now mah bowlz iss teh bad bowlz.8 U gives me cheezburger , no cheez. NOT a cheezburger. Gives sucky cheezburger to ur ma, see if she laiks teh ntsogretaktuallee cheezburger.9 Now u asks Ceilin Cat to laik u? OMGWTF?10 "I wish sumwun wud shut teh templ doorz to keep u all out! I iz not happi wif u," sez Ceiling Cat, "so stop givin me prezintz kthnx.11 Evribodi wil liek mai naem," sez Ceiling Cat. Sumtiemz Ceiling Cat sez thingz dat doant go togethr, I doant alwaiz undrstand LOL.

12 "But u iz all snotti about what iz on mai tabl.13 U iz whinin an bitchin about it..
 "Why u givz me sik animalz? Why shud i put up wif dat?" sez Ceiling Cat.
14 "If u cud giv me a good prezint but givz me a stupid wurthliss wun, i putz a curse on u, bcz i iz graet," sez Ceiling Cat. "U shud evn be afraed of mai naem."

Malachi 1
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