Malachi 1

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Old Testament
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1 Ceiling Cat's Meowz 2 Israel, that Malachi sez.

Ceiling Cat lieks Jacob an haetz Esau

2 Ai luvs u, rait? Sez Ceiling Cat. U sez, Nu-uh. E-sw wuz Jacbs bruder, ai luvs Jacb, rait?3 E-sw is a n00b. Iz in him mountins layin waste to him hertge for teh draginz!

4 Edom sez, we so puur. But we bild churchez kthxbai. Ceiling cat sez: U put up ai knoxit dwn, u sux, and evrybodi noez it. Ceiling Cat h8s u fwever. Srsly.5 U can sees, u cant touches.

Sumtiemz u givz prezintz to Ceiling Cat but dey suk

6 Kitteh luvs cat, Ibe CEILING cat, where be luv, Kitteh? Sez Ceiling cat. U sez WTF?7 Ceiling Cat sez. u leaved teh bad cheezburger in mah bowlz,. U sez "WTF?". Ceiling Cat sez now mah bowlz iss teh bad bowlz.8 U gives me cheezburger , no cheez. NOT a cheezburger. Gives sucky cheezburger to ur ma, see if she laiks teh ntsogretaktuallee cheezburger.9 Now u asks Ceilin Cat to laik u? OMGWTF?10 "Ai wish sumwun wud shut teh templ doorz to keep u all out! Ai iz not happi wif u," sez Ceiling Cat, "so stop givin me prezintz kthnx.11 Evribodi wil liek mai naem," sez Ceiling Cat. Sumtiemz Ceiling Cat sez fingz dat doant go togedda, I doant alwaiz undrstand LOL.

12 "But u iz all snotti about what iz on mai tabl.13 U iz whinin an bitchin about it..
 "Why u givz me sik animalz? Why shud i put up wif dat?" sez Ceiling Cat.
14 "If u cud giv me a good prezint but givz me a stupid wurthliss wun, i putz a curs on u, bcz i iz graet," sez Ceiling Cat. "U shud evn be afraed of mai naem."

Malachi 1
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