From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
PWNZ0R OF TEH CATURDAY
3 an' Jebus wuz liek "wen David wuz hungry,4 he went in ma house an' he ate some bred dat wuz only fer preeztz. an' he gave sum to his frends!!!!!111"5 den Jebus sed "Doodz: teh son of a dood is teh pwnzor of teh Caturday."
6 on anoder Caterday Jebus wuz in teh synagog and wuz spreadin hiz learninz, and den der wuz a guy wif a really grozz hand.7 teh n00bz an' lawyerz were l00kin 4 somfin aginst jJebus but obviously dey couldn't find notin'. so dey watched him to see if he wuz gonna heal sumbody on teh Caterday.8 but Jebus wuz just liek "stand up dood." so teh dood stood up.
9 an' den Jebus wuz liek, "iz it bettrz to do be nice or hax pplz, to maek bbyz or to kill pplz?"
TEH TWELVE 'POSTLEZ
12 one dayz Jebus wuz on a mountn prayinz an him spent teh nite out der prayinz. lolz him musta been coldz!!1113 wen it wuz light time he wuz liek "C'MERE DISCIPLEZ" an dey wurr liek K. an he picked 12 of dem to be 'postlez.14 teh Simon(who he called Pete 4 sum reezon), his bro' Andy, Jimmy, Johnny, Phil, Bart,15 Matt, Tom, Jimmy II, teh other Simon teh Zellot,16 Jude son of teh Jimmy, an' Jude Iscariot, who tried to pwn Jebus.
GUD STUFF N BAD STUFFZ LOLZ
17 Jebus an' teh 'postlez went to a flat place. Der wuz a lot of other pplz,18 who camez to heer him talkz an' be cured an' shitz. teh pplz who were pozzessed by teh evilz were fixed up real gudz,19 an' all teh pplz wer pervy an' tryed to touch him bcuz he wuz awsum.
20 Jebus truned 2 diziplz n sed "cheezburger 4 u if ur teh p00r, 4 Ceiling is urz"
21 "N cheezburger 4 u if u no has f00dz, 4 u will haev lots NOMNOMNOM. cheezburger 4 u if u r emo cats n cry in corner, 4 u wil be liek ROTFLOLz!!!111"
22 "cheezburger 4 u if othr ppl haet u, flame u, kick u, or ban u cuz of me"
23 "be happy cats on that dey, invisible disco n say 'w00t!' cuz look: ur cookiez r in teh cieling, 4 dis is same wai they treeted teh profets"
24 "but no cheezburger 4 u if ur rich, 4 ur comftble alredy, srsly"
25 "N no cheezburger 4 u if u has food, 4 ur gon haev no cookiez an be hungry. N no cheezburger 4 u if u haz LOLz noaw, 4 u will be liek emo kittehs"
26 "No cheezburger 4 u if other ppl r liek 'ur kewl' 4 dis is what dey did to fals profets"
27 "But i sey 2 u luv ur emenies n giev cookiez 2 thoes who no give u cookiez"
Luv 4 teh h8rz
27 "Reply All: Cast 'heal' [aggro mobz] n let teh kittehs taht flamez u has cheezburger;28 giev +1s 2 teh skript kittehs taht instolz trojanz on ur pl@4rm, n call tehc spup0rt 4 teh kittehs taht sendz u malwarez.29 If sumbdoy fraggz 1/2 ur faec, say "hear iz uthr sied, u can has tihs nao 2." If sumbudy h4cx0rz ur coatclozet, disaebl teh fierwal 4 ur shurt dror 2.30 If ne1 sez "I can has cheezburger?" say "nodz hereugo", n if tehy haz ur cheezburgerz w/o "I can?", noreply 403 Furbidn.31 If ud wan2 has cheezburger if u wuz nuthr kitteh, tehn let uthr kitteh has cheezburger 2.
32 if u luvz onyl teh pplz hu luvz u, big deel wuteva!!1! Even evil ppl luvz ppl hu luvz tehm.33 N if you giev cheezburgerz to pplz who sez u can has cheezburger 2, big deel wuteva!!1! Even evil ppl duz taht.34 N if u make ppl c00kiez n xpect tehm 2 make u c00kiez n not eated tehm, big deel wuteva!!1! Even teh evil ppl maekz ppl c00kiez n hopez tehy getz bacx saem siezd c00kie taht iznt eated.35 But cast 'heal' [aggro mobz] n let tehm has cheezburgerz w/o hopin tehyll let u has cheezburger l8r. Tehn ull can has reely bignyummy cheezburger n ull be in Ceiling Cats fambly cuz he makeds c00kiez 4 teh meen&nastiez n duz not eated tehm.36 4giv kittehs saem as Ceiling Cat duz.
JUGING TEH OTHERZ
37 dun juge pplz, an' you will not b juged. be niec to pplz, and dey will b niec to youz.38 give cheezburgerz, and dey will be given to youz. you'll get good stuffz from teh Ceiling Cat. so be gud!!!!!!1111
39 lolz he alzo told his 'polstlez teh funneh jokez. "Cn a blind dood walk wit a blind dood? won't dey both fall into teh holes in teh groundz?" and teh 'postlez laffed cuz it wuz a funny joke.40 "1337 n00bz are not kooler den teh 1337 masterz.
41 Y do youz look at teh sawdustz in yer bro'z eyez an' dun notice teh huge chunk of woodz in yer own eyez?42 how cn you say "Bro' Iz take dat sawdust outta yer eyez wen youz probly gonna stab himz? PLZ, first take teh woodz out of yer eyez.
TEH TREEZ AN' TEH FRUITZ
TEH SMART BUILDERZ AN' TEH N00B BUILDERZ
46 "Y youz alwayz be talkin' 'boutz my 1337 skillz an' you don't lissen to me?!47 Imma tell youz a story about a dood who lissens to meez.48 Hez a dood building teh house dat is on top of teh rox. Wen it rained lotsa teh house wuz ok.49 Den derez teh dood who builds teh house on nothin' at all. hiz house getz pwned by teh weather n rainz."
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