Luke 24

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|1=Teh ladiez taked sum catnip to Jesus's tomb.  Thatz whear he wuz burid.  
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|1=Teh ladiez taked sum catnip to Jesus's tomb.  Thatz whear he wuz putted when he kinda ded.  
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|2=Teh stoen in front of it had bin movded,  
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|2=Teh stone in front of it had bin movded, witch iz weird cuz it iz so big and stuff.
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|3=but when dey wented in teh bodi wuz not dere.  
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|3=but when dey wented in hes bodi wented somewhere else, prolly cuz someone liked it an took it home.  
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|4=Dey wuz kinda confuzed an dese two d00dz showded up.  Dere clothz wuz shini liek lietnin.  
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|4=Dey wuz kinda confuzed but gud fer dem dese two birdkatz showd up.  Dere clothz wuz shini liek lietnin witch iznt gud cuz itz so loud.
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|5=Teh ladiez wuz all scareded but teh d00dz wuz liek "Why is u lookin for a livin d00d in teh plaec whaer teh dead d00dz iz LOL.  
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|5=Teh ladiez wuz all scareded but teh birdkatz wuz liek "Why look for livin kat in teh plaec whaer jus dead katz iz keeped, LOL.  
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|6=He iznt here, he got up!  He told u he wuz going to.
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|6=He iznt here, he wuz bored so left!  He did told u he gunna leaf if get board!!11!
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|7=He wuz liek 'I iz gonna get capshrd bai teh bad guyz an killded on teh cross an com bak to lief on teh thrd dai.' "
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|8=Den teh ladiez remembrd an dey wuz liek "We forgotted LOL."
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|7=He wuz liek 'I iz gonna get found by teh guyz that make me reallies reallies wet, lik under waterz wetz, an put on two big stiks an com bak after 3 dayz cuz 4 daiz to long to sit in cavez.' Yea, wez not sur why hez wantz do al dat etherz, mebee for fun? "
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|8=Den teh ladiez thinked hard bout stuff he sayed an dey wuz liek "Oh, We forgotted LOL."
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[[Image:Tinyjezuzcatzwakez.jpg|thumb|200px|left|]]
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|9=When they came back from the tomb, they told all these things to the Eleven and to all the others.
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|9=When dey gotted bak dey telld all dis to sum guyz dat didnt left:
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|10=It was Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and the others with them who told this to the apostles.  
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|10=Mary Magdalene who wuz lik totally hot on Jesuz whoa, Joanna, Mary who wuz Jezuz's old mom (hiz fadder waz actually Ceiling Kat!), an the ladiez who wuz wif dem tellded teh stori about Jezuz Kat wak up.
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|11=But they did not believe the women, because their words seemed to them like nonsense.  
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|11=But teh apoclypsez wuz liek "STFU" an didint beleev dem.  
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|12=Peter, however, got up and ran to the tomb. Bending over, he saw the strips of linen lying by themselves, and he went away, wondering to himself what had happened.
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|12=Peter at leest wented to teh tomb witch wuz a hold in teh wall. He saw peaces ef yarn dat Jezus Kat did got tangleds up in real bad an he wuz liek "WTF?"
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|13=Now that same day two of them were going to a village called Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem.  
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|13=Dat day a coupl of teh follorz wuz goin to Emmaus wich iz diz place somewere.
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|14=They were talking with each other about everything that had happened.  
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|14=An talkin about whut had jus happnd wich iz dat JezuzKat wuz sleepin fur long time now, wich make senze they talk bout dat cuz they not have TV or Intertubez too watch.  
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|15=As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them; 16but they were kept from recognizing him.
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|15=Whiel dey wuz talkin Jesus comd up, witch he cud do cuz he not sleepin on da two big stiks no more, but he look diffrent frum befour cuz he felt lik bein tricksie so they think he jus sum uther guy, like Gandalf in LOTR LOL.
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|17=He asked them, "What are you discussing together as you walk along?"<br>
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|17=He wuz liek "How iz yu gentlemenz?  WHAT HAPPEN?!?"<br>
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{{indent}}They stood still, their faces downcast.  
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{{indent}}Dey got all sad in da face.
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|18=One of them, named Cleopas, asked him, "Are you only a visitor to Jerusalem and do not know the things that have happened there in these days?"
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|18=Wun of dem - hiz naem wuz Cleopas, but dat not imporant - wuz all "Were U bin, in sum hole in da ground? Bcz u doant know what happen?  Someonez set Uz up da bomb."
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|19="What things?" he asked.<br>
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|19="What yu sai?" sed Jesus.<br>
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{{indent}}"About Jesus of Nazareth," they replied. "He was a prophet, powerful in word and deed before God and all the people.  
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{{indent}}"Liek dere waz dis d00d Jesus," dey sed.  
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|20=The chief priests and our rulers handed him over to be sentenced to death, and they crucified him;
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|20="Dey killded him on too big stiks.
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|21=but we had hoped that he was the one who was going to redeem Israel. And what is more, it is the third day since all this took place.
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|21=an we wuz hopin he wud saev dis hole big cuntry we in. Suprize dow, dey killded him real ded three dayz ago! 
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|22=In addition, some of our women amazed us. They went to the tomb early this morning
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|22=Plus dis mornin sum of teh ladiez wented to teh big hole.
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|23=but didn't find his body. They came and told us that they had seen a vision of angels, who said he was alive.  
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|23=Dey didn't finded hiz bodi but dey sez dere wuz birdkatz in a hole sayin he wuz not really ded fur al time, jus short time cuz it not realie dat fun.
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|24=Then some of our companions went to the tomb and found it just as the women had said, but him they did not see."
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|24=Sum of our frendz wented to teh big hidey hole.  It not haz any ded stuff in it but dere wuzint enni birdkatz dere ether."
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|25=He said to them, "How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken!
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|25=Jesus wuz liek "Foolz u iz actin liek n00bz that kries.
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|26=Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?"  
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|26=Itz not liek Jesus didint explaen all dis whiel he wuz here."  
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|27=And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself.
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|27=So he tellded em stuff frum in teh Bible, wich is diz book, stuff from teh beginnin, wich waz lotz of talkin.  Dey stil didint know who he wuz k.  Meybe diz cuz dey stoopid az dogz.  Mebbe not.
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|28=As they approached the village to which they were going, Jesus acted as if he were going farther.  
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|28=When dey gotted near Emmaus, witch wuz dat place, he pritendid he wuz goin farthr.  
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|29=But they urged him strongly, "Stay with us, for it is nearly evening; the day is almost over." So he went in to stay with them.
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|29=But dey wuz all liek "Itz dark which iz SCARY, u can stai wif us PLZ." So he did.
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|30=When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them.  
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|30=When dey hadded dinnr he taked teh cookies an sed "Thank yu Ceiling Cat" an gived dem to evribodi.  
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|31=Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight.  
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|31=Den dey see hez not jus sum guy, he Jezuz Kat!  Dey sey "ITZ YU!!".  So he move "ZIG" like Ceiling Cat lazerz an iz gone LOL.  
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|32=They asked each other, "Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?"
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|32=Dey wuz all lookin fur he undur dat table like "WTF?"
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|33=They got up and returned at once to Jerusalem. There they found the Eleven and those with them, assembled together
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|33=Dey wented straet bak to Jerusalem, wich iz da big citee, to teh othr katz
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|34=and saying, "It is true! The Lord has risen and has appeared to Simon."  
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|34=an wuz liek "Itz true! Jesus Kat iz aliev an Simon seed him wit hiz eyes."  
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|35=Then the two told what had happened on the way, and how Jesus was recognized by them when he broke the bread.
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|35=Dey tellded what had happnd, witch waz lots uf stuf dat waz sayed befor, so jus think uf dat stuff said one mor time.
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|36=OK so de dissiplez iz together, and Jesus is poof appear and liek "Peaz."
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|36=OK so de apoceclipse iz together, and Jesus Kat is poof appear liek lazerz and sed "Peaz."
|37=They is all liek "hax!"
|37=They is all liek "hax!"
|38=Jesus iz liek "wtf nubs is me."
|38=Jesus iz liek "wtf nubs is me."
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|39=Dissiplez is liek "o rly!" and Jesus is liek "ya rly."
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|39=Disciplines is liek "o rly!" and Jesus is liek "ya rly."
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|40=Jesus is liek "srlsly guys.  chex out my handz and feetz.
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|40=Jesus is liek "srlsly guys.  Stil me even if Iz gots wholes in handz and feetz.
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|41=Dey still not believe, so Jesus is liek "It can haz be food times now?"
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|41=Dey still not get it, so Jesus is liek "It can haz be food times now?"
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|42=Dissiplez is liek "here haz fish"
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|42=Teh Apostasis is liek "here haz fish"
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|43=Jesus is like "kkthx" and eated teh fish.
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|43=Jesus is like "kkthx" and eated teh fish.  Thiz time he not makez lots of fishes an bread fer sandwhichez prolly cuz dere not enuff mayo.
|44=Jesus is liek "nubs I told joo.  it was writed."
|44=Jesus is liek "nubs I told joo.  it was writed."
|45=Den Jesus is liek "I open ur minds."
|45=Den Jesus is liek "I open ur minds."
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|46=Jesus is liek "srsly.  Iz writed teh messiah sufferz and rizez again from teh ded."
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|46=Jesus is liek "srsly.  That book sed teh rescuer, which iz me guyz!! gets hurtz lotz and standz up even thoug ded."
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|47="Also preech peez with mah namez."
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|47="Also go tell guyz bout peas with mah namez." They look all confuz by dis, cuz peaz really small.
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|48=He is liek "u r all being teh witnesses."
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|48=He is liek "u r all being teh witnesses, witch meanz guyz dat lookz at stuff." They did caz dey haf eyez.
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|49=He is liek "I haz presents, but joo needs 2 waits."
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|49=He is liek "I haz presents, but joo needs 2 waits." They al wish he givez presents!!1one!! rite now, but he not.
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|50=Den teh Jesus is liek "come out to Bethany" and he is liek "blessins on joo"
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|50=Den teh Jesus is liek "come out to Bethany" wich wuz a gurl cuz Bethany iz a gurlz name and he is liek "blessins on joo".
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|51=Wile he blesses he is liek go to heaven.  srsly.
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|51=Wile he blesses he is liek go to heaven.  Mebbe he fly liek birdkatz, meybe not, but hez all gone.  srsly.
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|52=The disciplez is liek "praise jebus" and goes back to Jerusalems.
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|52=The apostrophies is liek "praise jebus" and goes back to Jerusalems, unlez they alredy waz.
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|53=Then dey is all liek in teh templez, praisin Ceiling Cat.
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|53=Then dey is all liek in teh templez, praisin Ceiling Cat, witch iz gud cuz else he can shoots lazerz frum up above.
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[[Category:Luke|Luke 24]]
[[Category:Luke|Luke 24]]
{{Bottom Bar|NextBook=[[John]]|PrevBook=[[Mark]]|NextChap=[[John 1]]|PrevChap=[[Luke 23]]}}
{{Bottom Bar|NextBook=[[John]]|PrevBook=[[Mark]]|NextChap=[[John 1]]|PrevChap=[[Luke 23]]}}

Latest revision as of 10:20, 22 March 2008

New Testament
Bible5.gif
Jesus comz bak

1 Teh ladiez taked sum catnip to Jesus's tomb. Thatz whear he wuz putted when he kinda ded.2 Teh stone in front of it had bin movded, witch iz weird cuz it iz so big and stuff.3 but when dey wented in hes bodi wented somewhere else, prolly cuz someone liked it an took it home.4 Dey wuz kinda confuzed but gud fer dem dese two birdkatz showd up. Dere clothz wuz shini liek lietnin witch iznt gud cuz itz so loud.5 Teh ladiez wuz all scareded but teh birdkatz wuz liek "Why look for livin kat in teh plaec whaer jus dead katz iz keeped, LOL.6 He iznt here, he wuz bored so left! He did told u he gunna leaf if get board!!11!7 He wuz liek 'I iz gonna get found by teh guyz that make me reallies reallies wet, lik under waterz wetz, an put on two big stiks an com bak after 3 dayz cuz 4 daiz to long to sit in cavez.' Yea, wez not sur why hez wantz do al dat etherz, mebee for fun? "8 Den teh ladiez thinked hard bout stuff he sayed an dey wuz liek "Oh, We forgotted LOL."

Tinyjezuzcatzwakez.jpg

9 When dey gotted bak dey telld all dis to sum guyz dat didnt left:10 Mary Magdalene who wuz lik totally hot on Jesuz whoa, Joanna, Mary who wuz Jezuz's old mom (hiz fadder waz actually Ceiling Kat!), an the ladiez who wuz wif dem tellded teh stori about Jezuz Kat wak up.11 But teh apoclypsez wuz liek "STFU" an didint beleev dem.12 Peter at leest wented to teh tomb witch wuz a hold in teh wall. He saw peaces ef yarn dat Jezus Kat did got tangleds up in real bad an he wuz liek "WTF?"

Goin to Emmaus

13 Dat day a coupl of teh follorz wuz goin to Emmaus wich iz diz place somewere.14 An talkin about whut had jus happnd wich iz dat JezuzKat wuz sleepin fur long time now, wich make senze they talk bout dat cuz they not have TV or Intertubez too watch.15 Whiel dey wuz talkin Jesus comd up, witch he cud do cuz he not sleepin on da two big stiks no more, but he look diffrent frum befour cuz he felt lik bein tricksie so they think he jus sum uther guy, like Gandalf in LOTR LOL.

17 He wuz liek "How iz yu gentlemenz? WHAT HAPPEN?!?"
 Dey got all sad in da face.
18 Wun of dem - hiz naem wuz Cleopas, but dat not imporant - wuz all "Were U bin, in sum hole in da ground? Bcz u doant know what happen? Someonez set Uz up da bomb."

19 "What yu sai?" sed Jesus.
 "Liek dere waz dis d00d Jesus," dey sed.
20 "Dey killded him on too big stiks.21 an we wuz hopin he wud saev dis hole big cuntry we in. Suprize dow, dey killded him real ded three dayz ago!22 Plus dis mornin sum of teh ladiez wented to teh big hole.23 Dey didn't finded hiz bodi but dey sez dere wuz birdkatz in a hole sayin he wuz not really ded fur al time, jus short time cuz it not realie dat fun.24 Sum of our frendz wented to teh big hidey hole. It not haz any ded stuff in it but dere wuzint enni birdkatz dere ether."

25 Jesus wuz liek "Foolz u iz actin liek n00bz that kries.26 Itz not liek Jesus didint explaen all dis whiel he wuz here."27 So he tellded em stuff frum in teh Bible, wich is diz book, stuff from teh beginnin, wich waz lotz of talkin. Dey stil didint know who he wuz k. Meybe diz cuz dey stoopid az dogz. Mebbe not.

28 When dey gotted near Emmaus, witch wuz dat place, he pritendid he wuz goin farthr.29 But dey wuz all liek "Itz dark which iz SCARY, u can stai wif us PLZ." So he did.

30 When dey hadded dinnr he taked teh cookies an sed "Thank yu Ceiling Cat" an gived dem to evribodi.31 Den dey see hez not jus sum guy, he Jezuz Kat! Dey sey "ITZ YU!!". So he move "ZIG" like Ceiling Cat lazerz an iz gone LOL.32 Dey wuz all lookin fur he undur dat table like "WTF?"

33 Dey wented straet bak to Jerusalem, wich iz da big citee, to teh othr katz34 an wuz liek "Itz true! Jesus Kat iz aliev an Simon seed him wit hiz eyes."35 Dey tellded what had happnd, witch waz lots uf stuf dat waz sayed befor, so jus think uf dat stuff said one mor time.

36 OK so de apoceclipse iz together, and Jesus Kat is poof appear liek lazerz and sed "Peaz."37 They is all liek "hax!"38 Jesus iz liek "wtf nubs is me."39 Disciplines is liek "o rly!" and Jesus is liek "ya rly."40 Jesus is liek "srlsly guys. Stil me even if Iz gots wholes in handz and feetz.41 Dey still not get it, so Jesus is liek "It can haz be food times now?"42 Teh Apostasis is liek "here haz fish"43 Jesus is like "kkthx" and eated teh fish. Thiz time he not makez lots of fishes an bread fer sandwhichez prolly cuz dere not enuff mayo.44 Jesus is liek "nubs I told joo. it was writed."45 Den Jesus is liek "I open ur minds."46 Jesus is liek "srsly. That book sed teh rescuer, which iz me guyz!! gets hurtz lotz and standz up even thoug ded."47 "Also go tell guyz bout peas with mah namez." They look all confuz by dis, cuz peaz really small.48 He is liek "u r all being teh witnesses, witch meanz guyz dat lookz at stuff." They did caz dey haf eyez.49 He is liek "I haz presents, but joo needs 2 waits." They al wish he givez presents!!1one!! rite now, but he not.50 Den teh Jesus is liek "come out to Bethany" wich wuz a gurl cuz Bethany iz a gurlz name and he is liek "blessins on joo".51 Wile he blesses he is liek go to heaven. Mebbe he fly liek birdkatz, meybe not, but hez all gone. srsly.52 The apostrophies is liek "praise jebus" and goes back to Jerusalems, unlez they alredy waz.53 Then dey is all liek in teh templez, praisin Ceiling Cat, witch iz gud cuz else he can shoots lazerz frum up above.

Luke 24
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