From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Jebus and Zaccheus
1 Jebus goed to Jericho.2 An der wuz dis rich IRS d00d Zaccheus who want see Jebus3 but him too short to see cuz of all da crowdz! LOL4 Him smrt d00d an clim up tree.5 Den Jebus luk up in tree an sez "Oh hai! Git down, cuz I crash at ur plaes toniet."6 An Zaccheus wuz happi.
11 When ppl herd dis all dey thot Ceiling Cat wuz come dere nao, but Jebus told dem a story:
12 Jebus sed "a Fancy Cat goez to a far place to get a kingdom and go back.
13 Fancy cat calls ten of hiz kittehs and givez dem ten noms. He saiz "use dez noms until I iz back."
14 But some of the kittehs waz haterz and said "we don't wantz Fancy Cat to be kingz".
15 Whenz Fancy Cat got back, he called for hiz kittehs with his noms and asked how many more noms they had gotz.
16 Teh first kitteh came and sayz "you givez me one nom but now i gotz ten."
17 Fancy cat says "awesome job kitteh. since youz got so many noms now you getz ten cities."
18 The second kitteh comes and sayz "you gives me one nom and now i gotz 5" 19 Fancy cat says "you getz five cities then." 20 Another kitteh comez and says "here is your nomz, i is scared of youz 21 so i hidez the nom to keep it safes. You iz taking the noms what is not yourz." 22 So Fancy Cat says "you iz a baaaad kitteh. You knowz i iz a scary cat coz i take the noms which is not mine. 23 Whyz did you not put the noms in a bank so when i returnz i getz more noms? 24 Fancy cat says "give this baaaad kitteh's noms to the kitteh with ten noms." 25 But theyz is confused sand sayz "but he haz ten noms already! 26 Fancy cat says "I sayz that all the kittehs what haz noms will get more noms but dem kittehs who haz no noms will have all his noms taken away." 27 "As for the haterz who don't wantz me as king kitteh, bringz dem here and letz me see dem killed."
Happy Cat goes to Jerusalem
28 When Happy Cat haz finished talkingz, he goez on to Jerusalem. 29 When Happy Cat getz close to Bethphage and Bethany, which arez close to the place which the kittehs call the Mount of Olivez, he sayz to two of his kittehs: 30 "go youz to dat village and youz will find a colt and bringz it here." 31 "if any kittehs askz why youz must be telling them "the Master Cat iz needing it."
32 the kittehs went to dat village and findz da colt just like Happy Cat is telling dem. 33 but the kitteh who is owning the colt says "why iz you taking it?" 34 so the kittehs say "cos da Master Cat iz needing it."
35 They iz taking the colt to Happy Cat and iz helping him on to it. 36 As theyz is moving on, the kittehs iz coming out and puding themz cloaks on da ground. 37 As Happy Cat and his kittehs get near the Mount of Olivez, all the kittehs woz happy and woz giving da praise to Ceiling Cat for all the awesomeness their eyez had beholded. 38 Theyz iz saying: "Many noms to da King who comez In da name of Ceiling Cat. Happiness in the Ceiling And much noms in the highest ceilings." 39 Temple d00dz sez "Happy Cat, taek theyz cheezburgers srsly."40 Happy Cat sez "If they duznt tak, rokz will. Srsly."41 Happy Cat seez Jerusalem, an he cryz.42 and sez "you knowd pease, but you loozed it.43 Bad pplz com an bild big wal.44 An kil yu to. An youz kittehs. Al bcuz you no seed Ceiling Cat showed up.
Happy Cat at teh Tempul
45 Den he goed to tempul an bieted the peepul sellin stuffs, maekn dem leev.46 "Is ritten," he sez, "'Iz pwnd yoos in Buk of Matthew, Iz pwnd yoos in Buk of Mark, an if yoos do it n Buk of John Iz pwn u agin, bad kittehs!'"
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