Luke 10

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Sevinti Lolcats

1 Den Jebus pikt sevinti moar lolcats an sendz dem ahed ov him evrywer him goed.2 An him sez "Der being lotz ov cooki doh but not being enuf cooki bakirz. Praez to Ceiling Cat fr moar cooki bakirs so der be enuf cookiz fr evrybody.3 U be liek mousiez on cat tree. Srsly! It be danjrus!4 No taeks no muneez.5 Wen u goez in howse sae 'Peas being to dis howse.'6 But if howse not be peasful, den ur peas goed bak to u.7 An stae in dat howse hoel tiem, an not goed diffrnt howses.8 An eated wut dem givs u, cuz wrkrs gitz to eated.9 An ficks hurted kittehs an tel dem 'Keengdum ov Ceiling Cat iz coemin! LOL'10 If citee doan liek u, den GTFO11 an kik aff all dem's duhst an sai 'Ceiling Cat goan to pwnz u!'12 An him will! Srsly! Wors dan him pwnd Sodom! LOL!"

OH NOES to Bad Citees

13 "OH NOES Chorazin! OH NOES Bethsaida! U had ur chans an u blu it! If Tyre an Sidon ben seeing dez mirakles, dem wud hav sed sorri to Ceiling Cat.14 So Ceiling Cat goan to pwnz u wors dan Tyre an Sidon!15 An Capernaum tinks it graet cittee, but it be pwned.16 Him dat heerz mai lolcats heerz me, an him dat flamz u flamz me, and him dat flamz me, flamz him dat sent me."

Teh Sevinti Lolcats Coems Bak

17 An sevinti lolcats coems bak all happi and sez "Boss! Even debils did wat we tel dem! Srsly!"18 An Jebus sez "I seed Basement Cat git pwned an fall from Ceiling liek laitnin.19 D00dz, I gibs u powr to stepping on snakiez an skorpeunz an not git bited.20 But stead of be happi cuz ov dat, be happi dat ur naems iz writtn in Ceiling."

Jebus Iz Happi

21 Jebus wuz happi, an sed "Oh hai, Ceiling Cat! I so glad u haided des fings frm smarteez an showin dem to kittens.22 Nobodi noes who Son iz but Faddr, or who Faddr is but Son, and him dat Son tellz bowt him. Kthnx bai."

23 Den him tell lolcats "U gotz happi ai'z fr be seeing wut u seed,24 cuz kings an profits wanned to see wut u seed. LOL. Srsly!"

Teh Gud Samaritan

25 Den a lawyr d00d ax "Boss, how I gits to liv forevr?"26 Jebus ax "Wut duz da r00lz say?"27 Lawyr d00d sez "U shd luvz Ceiling Cat wit hart an soal an bodee an brainz, an u shd luvz ur naybor as much as u luvz ur self."28 Jebus sez "Dats rite. Do dat an u liv."29 But lawyr d00d ax "But who beez mai naybor?"

30 Jebus sez "Wons up on a tiem, a d00d goed frm Jerusalem to Jericho. But OH NOES! Him get beeted up an robd an stuf, an him almost deded. Srsly!31 Den priest d00d walk by an ignor him.32 Den Levite d00d walk by an preten not seez him.33 But Samaritan d00d seez him and sez "OMGWTH?!!! Iz u ok?!"34 An him helpd hurted d00d an givs him fud35 an takz him to vet an promisz to payz vet bill.

36 So wich won of dez tree wuz naybor to him dat got robd?"

37 Lawyr d00d sez "Him dat was nies to him." An Jebus sez "Dats rite. So do liek dat."

Martha an Mary

38 Den Jebus goed to howse of too sistahs namd Martha an Mary.39 An Mary sitted an lissend to Jebus teech.40 But Martha wuz buzi makin cookiz an cheezburgrs. An her sez "Jebus, dis hard werk! Tel Mary coem to kichen an halp me!"41 Jebus sez "Martha, chillz! LOL!42 Lissen iz moar betterer dan werk. We ordrz pizza or soemthink."

Luke 10
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