Leviticus 19

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Old Testament
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Dees Other Laws

1 CEILING CAT sez to Moses2 "Go sez to teh Israelis 'Be excellent cuz I'z CEILING CAT and I'z excellent.


3 Be goods to youz ma and pa, don't work on Caturday, I IS CEILING CAT.


4 Don't be makin fake gods, plzkthnx?


5 If u makes cheezburger offering to Ceiling Cat make it wifout onions.6 U gots to eats it that day or teh next but after that u gots to throw it away cuz teh bunz gets soggy7 And nobody wants soggy cheezburger. DO NOT WANT.8 If sumbody does eats it, I not responsible, kthnx. Nobody gonna liek u if u eats soggy cheezburger.


9 An den when you has BBQ makes lots and lots of cheezburgers.10 An no eats all teh Cheetos.
Leaves sum for teh homeless kittehs and space alienz. I IZ CEILING CAT.


11 No be steelin'
No be lying.
No fooling u fwends.


12 No swearing in teh name of Ceiling Cat. I IZ CEILING CAT.


13 No steelin u naybur's Ex-Bawks.
An pay teh delivery guy.


14 No makin fun o teh deaf peeple or trippin blind peeple, be 'fraid o Ceiling Cat!


15 No makin fun o Judge Judy or Joe Brown cuz theyz good judges cuz they no take no crap.


16 No spreadin rumors even if Louie does has big harballs.
No be puttin kittehs in danger. I IZ CEELING CAT.


17 No fiteing in teh back seat wif u brother an no ganging up on u sister.


18 No gettin back at peeples or makin drama. Free luvz to all! I IZ CEILING CAT.


19 Don't screw dees things up:
No shackin wif teh dog.
No raisin coca AND teh pot in teh same garage.
No pleather.


20 If u hookz up wit teh OPP u gots to pay up. No Tu-Pac episodes, tho.21 Makez offering of cheezburger22 an it be ok.


23 No eating teh icing off teh cake before teh party.24 Teh birfday kitteh gets teh icing first.25 After dat youz can has icing. I IZ CEILING CAT.


26 Cooks teh cheezburger all teh way throo. DO NOT WANT RAW.
No crazy voodoo stuffs, kthnx.


27 No mullets or bad sideburns.


28 No emo cutting an no tattoos off teh parlor wall. I IZ CEILING CAT.


29 No hookin' out ur own kids or teh bad mans come to teh nayburhood.


30 Still no workin on teh weekends. I IZ CEILING CAT.


31 No listens to teh Sylvia Browne cuz she will pwn u. I IZ CEILING CAT.


32 Be nice to old kittehs. I IZ CEILING CAT.


33 Be nice to alienz cuz they might has destruct-o beems.


34 Pretend they is u cousin cuz we all alienz sumwear. I IZ CEILING CAT.35 No exaggerating teh size o u harballs.


36 We all knoes u is lieing. I IZ Ceiling Cat, after all.37 Do all thees stuffs that I sai. I IZ CEILING CAT."

Leviticus 19
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