Leviticus 17

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Old Testament

1 Nd Ceiling Cat sez to da Mosis,2 "Sai to da peepz of teh Isreel plase dat Cieling Cat sez3 Any d00d uf teh Isreel dat wantz ta giev meh a bigg smely ting or small smelly ting or meedeum smely thing insied da place wer peeplez lives and not owtsied4 An den eh brung it to da plase wher cheezburgerz hapen an gif it to teh Ceiling Cat- den Cieling Cat gon klaw him an him wil not b abl to hang wif his peepz.5 So Cieling Cat wantz all dat foods in big grassies plaec on da gronds. Him wans thems ta talk ta preists about foods and fiers and thingz. Srsly. Ceiling Cat eat alone and want yr foods.6 da peeplez mus take da red stuffz frum da tings dat dunt moev no moer and maek it drop liek rains on da place dat Ceiling Cat sez is goods, da plaec wer da cheezburger happinz. Den dey BURNZ da fats cuz dey smellz goood ta Ceiling Cat.7 Dey mus no moer want give niec stuffs to Basement Cat wen hez his wearin bootiful Haylohween masks, cuz wif him dey plaeyd in the derty. Dis gonna be law fer yuz now, dis gonna be law til al da stuf stopz fer everz.”

8 Him also telz dem "any d00dz of da Isreel peeplz, or any the strangherrs who is dwellin in yr houses, if him sez him wants to gif me hiz foodz,9 but he does NOT bring da foodz to da door uf mah cheezburgerz plaec, ta give it right up ta meh cuz meh amz Cieling Cat, dat d00d gonna be klawed it wil not b abl to hang wif his peepz no moerz.10 An whteva d00dz of da Isreel, or any the strangherrs who is dwellin in yr houses, eatin yur bloodz, Ai will biet himz wif Mai Faec- da person eatin da red stuffz, and dat d00d gonna be klawed too an him wil not b abl to hang wif his peepz no moerz..11 Fur da movin of da movin ting iz in da red stufz, an I haz gived dat stufz ta yuz ontop mai cheezburgerz plaec to sai sory for your solz; fur it iz da red stuffz dat maeks teh SORRY fer da soel.’12 So ah, lung storee shrt yuz cant eat da red stuffz. Srsly.

13 any d00dz of da Isreel peepls in dis plaec, or any the strangherrs who is dwellin in yr houses who gos an getz ting dat movd but dunt muv no moer an iz wantn ta eats it, hims gotta pour out all da red stufz and roll it in da derts. liek til itz covrd en dert.14 Fur da movin of da movin ting iz in da red stufz. Da red stuf maeks moevin tingz moev. itz liek batturees. So Ai sez yuz cant eat da red stufz, yuz no eat da red stuf uf any ting dat moevs ur used ta muv, for da movin of all movin tings is da red stufs. d00ds dat eatz it gon get klawd.15 allso: ef yu eatz what stopd movin but dat u did not maek stop movein- dat stopped movin on itz owns. Or if it gots ripd aparts by othar movin tings, whether d00d iz frum dis plaec or dat plaec, he is got ta wash his clothers in da waterz and warsh hisself in da water, cuz he be dirty til lite goes a way. Den he getz ta be cleen.16 But ef him dunt use da watrs ta get cleen, den dat dude gona feel bad. srsly bad.

Leviticus 17
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