Leviticus 15

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Old Testament
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1 So Ceiling Cat sez to Mozuz an Aron:
2 "Tell ol teh dOOdz if ur bedz schtiky, taht iz teh suxxOr!!!11
3 Me no kare if u hav teh blubalz, u suxOrz
4 Dont go dozin in mah sofa neither. DO NOT WANT. BLARG..
5 Go tak a baf. srsly.
6 An if Sum1sit on ur sofa wif yr goo all ovr it? BLARG. n00b(lol) Tak a baff..
7 An dont touch stikiboy neithr, dat gross. Baff, ovr dere..
8 An WTF!?! you spitz? ZOMFG! EFF U--.
9 --An teh horz u rode in on. lol.
10 Sum1 klean taht bed up alredy..
11 An wash ur pawz, u dont kno hwer dei bin
12 An not in mai watrbol, WTF?
13 c ya next week wen u stop watching the pr0n, an trai a baff
14 o, an dont forget teh KFC, me an mai prizt getin hongri
15 can we haz xtra napkinz? kthx
16 d00d, rly, u got teh krust0rz. Baff! lol
17 An dont uz mai towl! srsly!
18 Tellz ur gf tak baff wif u, iz nice. kthx.
19 When u chick cats has all that bleedin and stuff u be off limits in mah book for at least seven days! If I touches you, I be unclean.

20 Teh cat bed and teh back of teh sofa be all unclean and stuff if u sleeps therr when youz bleedin.
21 If I touches u cat bed then I gotsta lick mahself all clean again.
22 If I touches teh back of teh sofa I gotsta take a baf too.
23 Srsly, watever u touches is all yucky and we gotsta get clean if we touches it too.

24 If we, liek, does it when youz bleedin and ah touches it or sumthin, I be havin to wash in liek bleech or sumthin.
25 And then sumtiems u bleeds other tiems too and thats gross too.
26 And you get all teh good sleepin spots dirty again.
27 Then I cant sleepz on teh sofa liek I wants cuz u toucheded it!

28 Then I gotsta wait longer cuz u still seem all dirty and stuff even when it stops.
29 U gotsta do some nanimal sacrifice or sumthin to make up for it.
30 Thats just gross and stuff.

31 Us guy cats gotsta stay awai from u chicks when youz bleedin cuz Ceiling Cat sayz so.

32 These b teh regulations 4 teh girlz with teh .s and teh guys hooz b flirtin wit them and teh guys who b jackin off.

Leviticus 15
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