Lamentations 2

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Old Testament

OH NOES! book 2.0

1 OMG teh Ceiling Cat r rly angree!!1! Lissen, heer am storee uv hims raff.
 Hao teh Ceiling Cat pwnz0rd teh girl kittehs of Zeyeon wit a puffy ov angrr!
 Ceiling Cat haz threw down the gloreez of teh Izreels frum the Ceiling to da Urfs.
 He no can has memries of his paw rests in teh dai ov his angrrs.

2 Him maked lotsa howsez, but him eated dem.
 Witout teh mercee, teh Ceiling Cat eated awl da howsez of Jaykob cuz dey haz flavr.
 In his angrrs he haz pwnd all teh bases of the girl kittehs ov Joodah.
 He haz bringed Her base and itz princ kittehs down to da Urfs in for shamez!

3 Him givd teh n00bs a uber burn!1
 Ceiling Cat haz run out ov happy, and has bited all the ears of teh Izreel.
 He did bring back teh pimp hand when teh stoopid n00bz cam.
 He made Jaykob cry out, "It burnzez!! Oh Noes! Dis not kewl, No Wai!"
 And teh flamey fyre did pwnz awl tings der.

4 Srsly, der r lotsa fyr. Lyk an bad mamah His pimp hand is reddy.
 Lyk a foe he haz pwnz0rd awl who r seksay kittehs;
 He has spewed out his harbls like fyre on the base of the girl kittehs of Zion. Srsly, pwnd!

5 An ai dun teld uz, him eated teh howsez.
 Teh Ceiling Cat is lyk a doggie, he haz eated up teh Izreel
 and eated up all teh bases ther, NOM NOM NOM,
  and pwnz0rd itz strong baseses.
 He has totally maed all teh stoopid n00bz cry out "Oh Noes!" and "Halps!" for teh girl kittehs ov Joodah.

6 Eevn teh bestest kittehs him burnd. Chansez uv cheezburgers srsly lo.
 He has pwnd hiz bases and maed all the kittehs yell, "I've been hit!!"
 He has pwnd teh plays wher all the kittehs meat and meow togedder.
 The Ceiling Cat has maed Zeyeon no can has memries of teh gloreeus cheezbergers all teh Caturdays, srsly.
 In hiz cattitude he has pwnzd both high kitteh and preest kitteh.

7 Awl teh n00bz am cryun liek teh baybeez an dey am teh sry but iz tu layt!1
 Ceiling Cat am rly peevd. The Ceiling Cat haz PEW PEW PEW'd his tabbl and haz GTFO ov his Base.
 He has given to teh doggies all teh wallz of teh bases. Srsly DO NOT WANT!
 The kittehs hav meowd, "Oh Noes!" in teh base of teh Ceiling Cat on teh Caturday ov teh feesties.

8 Nuffin r not roond. Awl r rly bad! Der am no uvver wurdz.
 The Ceiling Cat saz, "I gona pwn teh base ov the girl kittehs of Zeyeon.
 Srsly, yooz r suckin lyk a dai wit no canopener"
 He raizded up a stick and layd a holy smakdown on dem awl.
 He evn mayked teh walls of teh bases crai! Dats srs p0wrz!
 And dey all melted lyk teh witchy in teh Oz moovey, Srsly, it happn!

9 WTF? Warez teh gayts?/? En teh grownd, dats warez. lol.
 Da gaytes sinkded down, and he pwnzd teh barz, and he did kick out all teh leeder kittes ov teh nashuns, yup yup!
 Der were no moar rulez and teh proffitzes no can findz speshul treets from teh Ceiling Cat.
 dat suxes, d00ds!

10 Old kittehs of teh girl kittehs of Zeyeon sit on teh floar and no can sez nothin! Shut up!
 Dey has sprinkld litter on der hedz (wich wuz stoopid cuz Ceiling Cat jus sed:
  "Nao I'm in ur base, peein on ur memoez!")and put on tater sax.
 Teh hot bebeh kittehs ov Jerooslum hav felld ovr!

 Teh agoneez r two much! And mai chessty haz pourd out lyk nacho cheez awl ovr teh floar!
 (No look at mess, look at chesty.) and awl my peeplz r pwnz0rd lyk teh d00dz in Rayderz of teh Lawst Ark, melty cheezy peeplz!
 WAI?!! Bebeh kittehs fall ovrz in teh hallwaiz of teh bases! Iz sad, fer shur!

12 Dey did sez to teh mama kittehs, "Wher r teh cheezbergeers and gatorade, K?"
 As tehy faintded lyk dey ben shot in teh melonz in teh hallwaiz of teh base.
 Srsly, Ceiling Cat is stompin deez kittehs lyk godzilla-kitteh pwnz0rd teh Toekeeoh!
 It wuz bad! And tehy diedz in teh paws of der mamas!
 Srsly, what has ben seen cannot be unseen!

13 Wats can I sez bout yooz?
 i can no compair yooz wit nuthin, O gerl kittehs ov Jerooslum!?
 Iz u lyk cheezbergerz? No. Iz u lyk mowses? No. don kno wat u r lyk!
 i can no givs u fluufy blankies! O u gerl kittehs ov Zeyeon who no has had teh secksay.
 I C ur ouchies r as deeep az teh big waterz, but whoz heer dat can put on teh Batman bandades?

14 Teh stuffs dat ur profits halloosinate wer awl rong, ya kno?
 Dey didn expose demselvs to uz soz u didn b in bondij wit no safwurd.
 Teh Oreos dey had waz rong and misleedin

15 Evrywon who walkz by ur base, r lyk eewww, u sux!!
 Dey hiss at u and sez "talkz to teh pawz!" to u gerl kittehs of Jerooslum.
 Iz dis teh base dat was calld teh perfekshun of bootifulness?
 Dis krapy base wuz teh joyz of all da Urfs? Blech! iz stoopid!!1

16 Awl teh doggies bark lawd agenst u. Dey Pshaw and snappiez der jaws.
 And liez and sez, "I NOM'd ur kittehs!!"
 Looks! itz Caturday! YAY! and we'z b alyv to sea itz!

17 Teh Ceiling Cat haz dun what he sed he'd doo. Cuz he no liez lyk teh doggies!!
 Ceiling Cat iz harsh on n00bz. He haz pwnd u wit no mercees!
 And he let teh doggiez LOLz ovr ur ded kitteh bodeez. MWAHAHA! i vyshus daity!
 And he has givn mad props to teh doggies. w00t!

18 Teh hartzes of teh kittehs crai out to Ceiling Cat, "WAI?? WE'Z BE GUD KITTEHS! SWEERZ!"
 U gona crai and ur teerz ar gonna water teh grasses all dai and no dai.
 And yu'z will hav no napz frum cryun. EVR! and it sux to b u!

19 Wake upz and crai all teh no dai! As nite secyurity chanj shifts.
 Poar out yer chesties lyk nacho cheez in teh presents ov teh Ceiling Cat!
 Raiz ur pawz to teh ceiling so'z ur bebehs can livs and no faintsez from hungreez in the hallwaiz of ur bases.

20 Lookz at me Ceiling Cat, but no lazer eyez, kthx, cuz u fryed mah tailz last tym and I DO NOT WANT!
 U ar gud daity to othr kittehs. Duz yu wantz mamas to eated ther bebehs?
 Duz u wantz ur preestz an proffitzes to be pwnz0rd in teh playhawsez?

21 Bebehs an geezerz faintzes in teh litterz ov teh hallwaiz fer shur.
 Pimp kittehz and wimminz fall by teh sordz. It's tru!
 Yu hav pwnz0rd dem awl in teh dai ov ur raff. Srsly, no mercees for Jerooslum! Yu mayk kittehs skerrd!

22 Az u callz us to a dai ov NOMs, so u callz out teh monsterz frum teh clawsetz.
 In teh dai of raff of teh Ceiling Cat, no kittehs wer alyv.
 Thoz kittehs I gav NOMs to, teh doggies haz pwnz0rd! WAI???

So sayeth teh Ceiling Cat. A-miaow

Lamentations 2
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Jeremiah Ezekiel Lamentations 1 Lamentations 3
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