Judges 15

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Old Testament
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Samson pwns teh Philistines

1 Later on Samson wented to see his waif and he brot her sum cookies, and Samson sayed, Therez mai waif, Penis Goes Where! But teh Old Tomcat sayed DO NOT WANT.

2 The Old Tomcat sayed, I thotted u noe laik ur waif so I gaved her to ur frend. Enywais the otha cat is more betterer, wai you noe takes her instead.

3 Samson sayed, Do Not Want. No laik u Philistines.4 Samson got lotsa fokkis, he taid dem togedda and lit there tailz on fiah.5 Samson wuz in da Philistines’ fieldz burnin there kornz.

6 Da Philistines sayed, Who Dat? Samson bcos he noes gots waif nomoa. Then da Philistines burnted Samsons waif and da Old Tomcat 2.7 Samson sayed, Do Not Want. I no laik u. U dai.8 Samson smoted da Philistines and wented awai.

9 Da Philistines wented awai tu.10 Da Judah mens sayed, Why for you cumin heres? An the Philistines sayed, all ur Samson r blong to us.

11 den 3 thousand doodz frum judah went down 2 teh cave in da rawk ov etam an sed 2 samson, "doan u realize dat teh filistinez r rulers ovar us? Wut has u dun 2 us?" He anzwerd, "i merely did 2 them wut they did 2 me."12 they sed 2 him, "weve come 2 tie u up an hand u ovar 2 teh filistinez." Samson sed, "swear 2 me dat u wont kill me yourselvez."13 "agred," they anzwerd. "we will only tie u up an hand u ovar 2 them. We will not kill u." so they bound him wif 2 new ropez an led him up frum teh rawk.14 as he approachd lehi, teh filistinez came toward him shoutin. Teh spirit ov teh Lord came upon him in powr. Teh ropez on his arms became liek charrd flax, an teh bindings droppd frum his hanz.15 findin fresh jawbone ov donkey, he grabbd it an struck down a thousand doodz.... Srsly.16 den samson sed, "wif donkeys jawbone I has made donkeys ov them. [a] Wif donkeys jawbone I has pwnd thousand doodz. Srsly."17 when he finishd speakin, he threw away teh jawbone; an teh place wuz calld ramath lehi. [b]18 Cuz he wuz vry thirsty, he crid out 2 teh Lord, "u has given ur servant dis great victory. Must i nao dye ov thirst an fall into teh hanz ov teh uncircumcisd?"19 den ceilin cat opend up teh hollow place in lehi, an watr came out ov it. Srsly it waz raelly wetz. When samson drank, his strength returnd an he revivd. So teh sprin wuz calld en hakkore, [c] an it still thar in lehi. [d]20 samson led [e] israel 4 twenty yeers in da dais ov teh filistinez.

Teh Footnotez
  • a -Judgez 15:16 or made heap or 2 ; teh hebrew 4 donkey soundz liek teh hebrew 4 heap .
  • b - Judgez 15:17 ramath lehi meanz jawbone hill .
  • c -Judgez 15:19 en hakkore meanz callers sprin .
  • d -Judgez 15:19 How dey noes dis? Dey no live todaiz.
  • e - Judgez 15:20 tradishunally judgd
Judges 15
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