Judges 10

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Old Testament
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Tola

1 Afetr teh timez of Abimelech a d00d of Issachar, Tola, who wuz teh kiddie of Puah, who wuz teh kiddie of Dodo, who wuz a burdie (datz kinda weerd), roes ta saev Israel. Him livd in Shamir, in teh hill cuntree of Ephraim.2 Him wuz leedin Israel twenny-free yeerz; tehn him wuz all ded, and wuz berried in Shamir, prolly wif his favrit skratshin post.

Jair

3 Him wuz foloed bah Jair of Gilead, who wuz leedin Israel twenny-too yeerz.4 Him wuz havin firtee kiddies, who wuz ridin firtee hee-hawz. Tehy wuz pwnin firtee townz in Gilead, n eevn to dis dai tehy iz calld Havvoth Jair (weerd naemz, but whatevz).5 Wehn Jair wuz all ded, him wuz berried in Kamon, prolly wif his favrit skratshin post an mebbe eevn a treet or too.

Jephthah

6 Agin teh Israelites wer all dooin teh wetz in teh eyz of Ceiling Cat. Tehy servd teh Baalz an teh Ashtorethz, and teh ceilin catz of Aram, an Sidon, an Moab, an teh Ammonitez, an teh Philistines, an prety much evrywun. An cuz teh Israelitez wuz forsakin teh Ceiling Cat and wurnt servin him enymor,7 him wuz all mad at tehm. Him wuz sellin tehm inta teh hanz of teh Philistinez an teh Ammonitez,8 who dat yeer wuz tolly pwnin tehm hardkore. For eyteen yeerz tehy wuz pwnin all teh Israelites on eh eest sied of teh Jordan in Gilead, teh land of teh Amoritez. It tolly suckd.9 An az if dat wuznt bad enuf, teh Ammonitez wuz also crossin teh Jordan fer fitinz agenst Judah, Benjamin an teh howse of Ephraim; an Israel wuz all prety sad an stuf.10 Tehn teh Israelitez wer all cryin to teh Ceiling Cat, and dey wuz all liek, "OMGZ HALP!!! Wez has bin sinnin agenst yu, forsakin our Ceiling Cat an servin teh Baalz!"

11 Ceiling Cat wuz all liek, "Wehn teh Egypshuns, teh Amoritez, teh Philistines,12 An liek a billyun othr d00dz wuz all pwnin yu an yu wuz cryn HALP!, Iz tolly savin yu d00dz, amirite?13 But dis tiem yu wuz bein all dum n servin othr ceiling cats, so ur getin no halpz frum me dis tiem.14 Go an cry HALP! to teh laem ceiling catz yu d00dz choozd. Mebbe yu ken haz saftee frum tehm, kthxbye."

15 But teh Israelitez sed to Ceiling Cat, "Wez bin rly wet. Do wif us wateva yuz finkin is teh best, but we can has rescyoo now plz?"16 Tehn tehy wuz getin rid of teh weerd ceiling catz an wer all servin teh reel Ceiling Cat. An he wuz all weepy an stuf, an wuz liek, "Aw, yu guyyyz!"

17 Wehn teh Ammonitez wuz all calld too armz an campd in Gilead, teh Israelitez wuz all assemblin an campin at Mizpah.18 Teh leedrz of teh d00dz wuz all liek, "Whoevaz gunna start teh pwnin agenst teh Ammonitez is gunna be teh boss of evrywun in Gilead."

Judges 10
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