Jude 1

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New Testament



1 Jude, Jameses bro an Christes cervent, sez,
"I'z writin two eberyone who wanttz two be lubbed bai Ceiling Cat teh Dad an hiz Sun.
2 Uz shuld hav lots and lots of Ceiling Cat's niceness, calmness, an lub.

Jugments on teh Invisible teechur-doodz

3 Kittehs, i wanteded 2 rite bout the salvashun we both of us has, but instead i riting to yous about ur faith insteads.4 Invisible doodz krept in umung yoos, and they gonna be condmneded. They not like Ceiling Cat, dey maek his cheezburgerz liek NOT CHEEZBURGERZ, an dey not bleev in Jebus.

5 Rememberz, (ha! u alredy no newayz!) Jebus sayved peepz out uv Eegipt, an laterz, OMGWTFHAX! teh unbeeleevers.6 An teh angels who leeved teh ceiling, he chayned up in teh darks until teh jugement7 jus as Sodum an Gonnoreah... i means GOMORRAH!!! (who waz like PENIS GOES WHERE??? to evrywun they sawed) has eternal punishments in fier.

8 Jus liek that, invisible doodz get der fur durty, not listen 2 der bozzes, an BLASFEMES! ZOMGWTF!9 Teh archangel Michael fot wid teh devil abowt Moses body, but he not blasfeme, he sez "Ceiling Cat rebook yoo."10 But invisible doodz blasfeme evryfing they not understand, an they are OMGWTFHAX'd by everfing they understand.11 N00bz! Dey walk liek Cain, greedy liek Balaam, an perishd with Korahs rebbelion.12 Dey be liek durt on yur speshly gd cheezbergers! Dey be liek week kittehs hoo get bloan bi teh wind! Dey be liek bad kittehs wiv no skillz!13 Dey are liek teh bad kittehs whu h4x j00 an udder stufz lol.14 Sum d00d caled Enoch wuz liek "omfgstfu teh Ceiling Cat are has coem wiv angelkittehs to"15 wtfh4x evribodi! He iz heer to pwn al teh bad kittehs an kittehs hoo ar nt kl wiv him!16 Dese kittehs ar no-skll rshing n00bs hu thnk dey ar pro at C&C3 lol.

Tings to do to pleez Ceiling Cat

17 Rememberz what Ceiling Cats sun an followerz sed plz.18 Dey sed (for yuz hu do not has remember) befoer teh end of teh wurrld (ZOMGlongtiemlol) dere wil be kittehs hu lol at Ceiling Cat becoz they ar teh suck.19 Dese ar teh once hu divaid yuz all an hu canot has lief in mi house lmao.

20 Bt u catz hu ar stil k00l shud keap having prays to Ceiling Cat.21 Yu shud keap kl wiv Ceiling Cat and waet for hiz sun to saev yu from all teh n00bz an bad pplz.

22 If someoen sais "ohhaiicanhasmercy?" yu say "yucanhasmercy."23 Saev pplz from brrning bildingz an be liek "wtfbbq" at pplz wiv drrty clothses.

Prayz Ceiling Cat

24 Ceiling Cat iz strong an wil giv yu cheezburgerz if yu ar gd.25 He iz teh onli Ceiling Cat (he eated all teh ovvers lmaorofl) an he wil saev us from all teh n00bs. To him be cheezburgers and pwnage and stufz liek taht until teh wrrld iz over. Peece out broz.

Jude 1
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