John 5

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New Testament

OMGWTF Jebus mayd me wawk!!1!

1 Afterwurds Jebus ceam backz at Jerusalem an wuz attending jewie holidays lol2 in teh cities, near teh Sheep Gate, wuz teh pewl of Bethesda (not teh game developer lolz)3 Bunchez of sick ppls wuz layin' in ur porches, waitin' for teh healingz4 fur an angels of teh Ceiling Cat ceam frum tiem to tiem and stirrred up teh water, and teh first sick ppl to get in wuz healsded5 Wun uv teh mans wuz sik fur thirty eight yeers6 When Jebus saw him he knowed he wus ill for long tiem, he asked him "rofl, would u liek to get wells??"

7 The sick dood wuz leik "wtf, I cant"

8 Jebus wuz like "Stand up, get ur sleepin matz, and walk1!!!1"9 And teh man rolled up teh sleepin' matz and walked!!111! But this miracles happnd on teh sabbth days.10 So teh jewie leaders wuz liek "u can't wurk, put down ur sleepin' matz"

11 And teh man wuz liek "no wai, teh man who wus healin' me for this wuz liek 'pick up ur mat and walk!!1!1'"

12 "wtf said that?" they asked

13 Teh man wus liek "he wus gone! INVISIBLE HEALER."

14 Jebus finded him an sez, "Told U. Stop invisibul error or get pwned in teh face."15 So Gai told jewie leaders that Jebus dun it.

Lifez cuz of Kitteh

16 PPL wuz mad cuz Jebus did stuffs on Caturday.17 N Jebus is liek, "Dad werkz mad hours. ai too"18 PPls got mad an wanted to pwn him.

19 Jebus sez, "Srsly, this iz all Ceiling cat. Himz got the mad skeels.20 Ceiling Cat lubs me. He will show you MAD PWNZZOR SKEELZ. N00bz21 But we iz both specced rezzors.22 Oh hay, but I getz to say who is invisibul error,23 So you can give both us lubbinz.

24 (still Jebus tawkin) "Srsly, beleev me an cheezburgerz 4ever; no get eated.25 Rlly, evn ded ppls will heer. LOLZ!26 Dadz an me is both alives, rite?27 But I get to dis whoever I wan.

28 "Did ai alreddy sed that even ded ppl wil heer?29 an gud kittehs gets teh cheezburgerz, and bad kittehz iz to get pwned.30 I'll be faer and stuff for Ceiling Cat.

Ppl Sez Stuff Abowt Jebus

31 (still Jebus tawkin) "Cant sae for myself.32 Otehr ppl is gon talk for me.

33 "John will be reel.34 Not that ppls ever tel teh trooth BURN!!!11! LOL; but hay.35 John turnd on teh lytes an you liekd taht.

36 "An otehr ppl sed who werent noobs liek John (HAHA PWNT!) Dad gaev me chorez an I am doin tehm so liek... yeah.37 Invisible Cat sed an all,38 But hey, no lubs teh kitteh, no lubs dad.39 U reed too much lol. But themz bookses iz bout me40 But no lubbinz for me QQ.

41 "Don brownoez me n00bz,42 I no you can haz no lubz for Ceiling Cat.43 Yur all dissin me; but nother kitteh coems aroun and it will be all lubz.44 You don can have beleev if you brownoez evry1 but Ceiling Catz kitteh. BAD KITTEHZ!!!11!

45 "But Moses gon pwn you, not me.46 An Moses even rited bout me an stuff.47 But U don beleev him, or me, an ai iz all QQ"

John 5
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