John 4

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New Testament


Jebus sai "Oh Hai" to Samaritan wimmin kitteh

1 Teh Dood iz knoes teh Pharsys herd Jebus haz a lots frenz2 (But teh dscpls rly haz teh frenz),3 and so he iz goes frum Judea to teh Galilee.

4 He iz goes thruh Samria.5 He iz comes in teh cityz in Samria taht iz calls Sychar, and iz place Jacob iz gives to Jospeh;6 Teh wellz of Joseph iz tehre. Jebus wants to haev teh sleeps and iz sits at teh wellz. Iz liek six-a-clok.

7 A Samrtn womun camez to get teh waterz. Jebus sez "I has a thirsty, I can has bukkit?"8 Teh dscpls iz gon in teh cityz to haz sum cheezburgrs.

9 Teh Samrtn womun iz liek "OMG I iz a Samrtn and u iz a Jew and u sez u wants mah bukkit? lol." (teh Jews and teh Samrtns iz not frenz no moar, remmiber?.)

10 Jebus is liek, "Ifs u knoes teh Ceiling Cat's presnts and ifs u knoes who I iz taht sez 'gimmie bukkit', then u wud has a thirsty and he wud gives u sum waterz of teh lifes."

11 Teh womun sez, "WTF?12 "Teh well iz Jacobs and him gives water to teh baybeez and teh cawes taht moooes and u iz not goode liek him."

13 "Jebus sayed, "Ifs u drinks theez waterz, u has a thirsty forevr;14 "but ifs u drinks teh waterz of teh lifes, u no has teh thirsty no moar; teh waterz of teh lifes iz makes u haz teh lifes forevr, k?"

15 Teh womun sayed "K naow I rly has a thirsty; I can haz teh waterz of teh lifes plz?"

16 Jebus sez, "Teh husbnd--bring him to me."

17 Teh woman sez, "I no haz teh husbnd." Jebus sez, "Srsly, u no haz teh husbnd;18 "u just haz a lotz OMGbuttsecks wif teh man, but iz no husbnd. Srsly."

19 Teh womun sez "OMG, u iz teh profets.20 "Teh dadz lieks theez mowntins to sez to teh Ceiling Cat 'Oh, hai' but u ppl sez taht u can only sez 'Oh hai' in Jerusalem. WTF?"

21 Jebus sez "K lissen, tiem iz comes taht ppl duznt sez in theez mowntins or in Jerusalem 'Oh hai Ceiling Cat.'22 "U sez 'Oh hai' but u duznt knoes; teh Jews knoes and teh Jews pwn.23 "Teh tiem comes--jk, teh tiem iz naow lol--taht ppl can sez 'Oh hai' juss by teh self becuz teh Ceiling Cat lieks thoz ppl.24 "Teh Ceiling Cat is invisible, and teh ppl taht sez 'Oh hai' shuld sez 'Oh hai' wif teh invisible stuffs."

25 Teh womun sez "OK so liek u knoes teh Dood taht iz comes, teh Christ, he will sez a lotz of stuffs."

26 Jebus sez "lol I iz teh Dood."

Disipls m33t up wit Jebus

27 Teh dscpls comes and tehy iz liek "OMG" becuz Jebus iz talks to teh Samrtn womun and teh otehr Samrtn ppl wer liek "Srsly, whatevr."

28 So teh womun sez to teh waterz "Do not want!" and goes to teh cityz and sez,29 "Oh hai, soem guy sez teh stuffs taht I does; it iz teh Dood?"30 So teh ppls comes to sees Jebus.

31 Teh dscpls r liek "Srsly Jebus, u can haz cheezburgr."

32 But Jebus sez "I haz sum foods and I eated it, k? And u guyz r probly violatin teh kosher lawz."

33 And teh dscpls iz liek "WTF? How does he haz teh foods?"

34 Jebus sez, "Mah foods is to does teh stuffs taht Ceiling Cat sez.35 "Duznt u sez, 'Hay, iz sum tiem, and ltr teh foods iz comes'? Srsly, u looks aroun, teh foods iz evrywhr.36 "Ifs u gets teh foods, u haz teh foods forevr and evr and evryone iz teh frenz, k?37 "Liek, 'one guy iz makes teh foods, and teh otehr gets teh foods.'38 "I haz sez to u, 'Hay, go gets teh foods naow plz' and u duznt gets teh foods; teh otehr ppl just gets teh foods fore u."

Lotz Samaritanz Beleev

39 Lotz Samartanz beleevd cuz girl sez, "He seed me masturbate LOL."40 So Samaritanz wanted kitteh to stae.41 An other pplz bawt it too.42 They tole teh girl, "We noes now to kkthxbai."

Jebuz Heelz teh Bosscatz Kitteh

43 Den he wen Galilee.44 (Jebuz areddy sed no respek in yur own hous LOL.)45 Teh Galileans were all, "OH HAI!". Iz saem ppl at the partee in Jerusalem. Had to ues saem ekstras LOL.46 So he made moer booz for Cana, YAY!. An a bosscat had a sik kitteh in Capernaum.47 Bosscat beggd Jebuz to heelzor kitteh, but not neuter him LOLz.

48 Jebuz is all, "You n00bz all wan see my mad pwnzor skeelz, WTF??!!1!."

49 Bosscat sez, "No relly. Plzkthx"

50 Jebus dist him, "l8terz (burn). Kitteh no get eated." Bosscat bleeved him.51 Hiz slavez told him teh kitteh is betr.52 An himz liek 'when?' and there liek 'whenever. Yesterdae'."

53 Dad figgerd that Jebuz dun it and hiz place all can haz ceezburgerz and bleeved.

54 Is the twoth time Jebuz pwned with mad skeelz.

John 4
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