John 20

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Teh Empty Plac whar teh ded guise iz

1 Early on teh first day ov teh week, while it was still dark, Marykitteh Magdacatlene goez to teh plac whar teh ded guise iz n see dat teh stone haf been takeded from teh front.

2 So teh lady caem rly fast liek to Simon Petercat n teh otehr disipul, teh one HappyCat luvs, n seded, "Dey haf taked teh Ceiling Cat’s kitty out ov teh plac whar teh ded guise iz, n we dun know whar dey haf putted him!"

3 So Petercat n teh otehr disipul go to teh plac whar teh ded guise iz.

4 Bov were rly fast liek, but teh otehr disipul goez fastr den Petercat n got to teh plac whar teh ded guise iz first.

5 Him bent ovur n see in at teh strips ov linen lying der but dun go in.

6 Den Simon Petercat, who was behind him, got der n goez into teh plac whar teh ded guise iz. Him see teh strips ov linen lying der,

7 as well as teh burial clov dat haf been around Happy Cat’s hed. Teh clov was foldeded up by itself, not wit teh linen.

8 Finally teh otehr disipul, who haf go to teh plac whar teh ded guise iz first, also goez inside. Him see n bleeved.

9(Dey still dun understn from Scaptur dat Happy Cat haf to rise from teh dead.)

Marykitteh Magdacatlene seez Happy Cat

10 Den teh desipuls goez back to der homehs,

11 but Marykitteh stood outside teh plac whar teh ded guise iz crying. As teh lady waz cryin, her bent ovur to look into teh plac whar teh ded guise iz

12 n see two catangels in wiet, seating whar Happy Cat’s husk haf been, one at teh ears n teh otehr at teh paws.

13 Dey ask her, "Why u crying?" "Dey haf taked mai Happy Cat," teh lady seded, "n I dun know whar dey haf putted him." 14 At dis, Marykitteh turned round, but seh dun realize dat it was Happy Cat.

15 "Lady," him seded, "why u howling? Who iz u looking fer?" Finking him was teh garden cat, seh seded, "Sir, if u haf takeded him away, tell meh whar u haf putted him, n I will get him."

16 Happy Cat seded to her, "Marykitteh." Teh lady turned to him n cry out in Catamaic, "Cattoni!" (which meenz smart cat).

17 Happy Cat seded, "Dun paw meh, fer I dun yet coem bak to teh Ceiling Cat. Go instead to mai brother cats n tell dem, 'Ai coem bak to mai First Cat n ur First Cat, to mai Ceiling Cat n ur Ceiling Cat.' "

18 Marykitteh Magdacatlene goez to teh desipuls wif teh noos: "I haf seen teh Ceiling Cat Kitten!" N teh lady told dem dat him haf seded dees things to her.

Da Desipuls Seez Happy Cat

19 On teh evening ov dat first day ov teh week, wen teh desipuls were togetehr, wif teh doors locked fer fear ov teh Joos, Happy Cat caem n stood wit dem n seded, "purring fil u!"

20 After him seded dis, him showed dem him hns n side. Teh desipuls were ovurjoyed wen dey see teh Happy Cat.

21 A gain Happy Cat seded, "purring fil u! As teh Ceiling Cat has sent meh, Iz sending u."

22 N wif dat him breeatedhd on dem n seded, "Smell teh Hover Cat, un eat".

23 If u fergive catz wen dey eat ur cookie, dey are fergiven; if u dun fergive dem, dey are not fergiven."

Thomascat Seez Happy Cat

24 Now Thomascat (called 2catymus), one ov teh Twelf, was not wif teh desipuls wen Happy Cat caem.

25 So teh otehr desipuls told him, "OMG We haf seen teh Ceiling Cat’s Kitten!" But him seded to dem, "His wounz--show dem to me."

26 Later him desipuls iz in teh house a gain, n Thomascat was wif dem. Though teh doors were locked, but Happy Cat waz liek "Oh hai! Purring fil u!"

27 Den him seded to Thomascat, "My wounz--let me show u them. Srsly."

28 Thomascat seded to him, "OMG! U rulz!"

29 Den Happy Cat told him, "Becuz u sees meh, u haf bleevs, iz gud; but iz moar bettr if u dun sees me n stil bleeve."

30 BTW: Happy Cat does a lotz moar big tings n of teh otehr stuffs, n I rites dem daown, but I eated dem.

31 But I dun eated dees stuffs, so u kin bleeve Happy Cat is Ceiling Cat's kitty n haf teh lifes, k?

John 20
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