Job 3

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Old Testament

1. Den aftr diz Job open hiz mouf and curseded the day he cames out of hiz mommiez

2. He sayz:

3. "May teh day I wus born go awayz, and teh nite it wuz say, 'I has a girl! Wait, I wuz wrong, I has a boy!'

4. Dat day, mays Dr. Brown goez back to teh pasts and makes that day dark; may Ceiling Cat in teh skiez not care; may me has no lite.

5. May deh shadows pwnz it againz; may teh cloudz go en fart teh dark on it; may teh dark squisheded its lite.

6. I beez emo! May teh night lay thick on itz; may teh day I born not beez inclooded in deh dayz of teh yeer; and it teh not be entered in any monthses.

7. May that nite have no babiez; may no loud werdz be herd from itz.

8. May dose dat do teh useless job of cursen dayz curse dat dey, dohs dat are redy to arouse Leviathan.

9. May itz mornin starz becom dark; may it wat for deylite ins vayn and not see teh buttcrack of teh dawn,

10. For itz not shutz teh dorez of teh vagina on me to hidez troubles from mai eyesez.

11. Why did I nots be madeded! Why did I notz die from teh vagina squished me?

12. Why didz teh kneez of peoples have to let me on and boobiez I suckz on?

13. For I would be deadz; and sleeping foreverz

14. Wit teh crown wearzors and teh cowseloors of teh eerthz, whoze builded for demselfs places now layin down and brokeded.

15. Wit rulerz who has cheezburgers en filled der howses wit hamburgerz.

16. Or, or or, why wuz I nots hidd in teh grownd lik a ded babey, like an infunt whoses neva see teh lite?

17. Der teh wicked peeples stop troublez and der teh lazy beez at rested.

18. Teh slavez njoy der eases; for dey no more hearz teh slave big man's yellz.

19. Teh lil wunz and teh big wunz are dere, and teh slave has freedom en cheezburgers.

20. Why iz teh lite giv me sad timez, and why duz lifez give bitterz of sole,

21. To doze dat are emos and want deths that doz not come and doze dat serch for more den teh hidden cheezburgers.

22. Who are fillz wit happynes and make happy noizes when dey reech teh dead place.

23. Wai iz lifez given to mens whoze ways beez hiddeded, who Ceiling Cat has lockeded in?

24. For teh sying comez to me and I has no foodz; my bellowinz beez out like watur.

25. Whut I am afraidz of haz com upon me; what I am afraidz of haz happenz to me.

26. I havez no peace! No quiet placez! I havez no sleepz! I havez only problems! I go cuts myself now. I beez emo."

Job 4

Job 3
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