Job 20

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Old Testament

Yoda Flaps His Gums

1 den Yoda teh gozarian replid:2 "mah troubld thoughts senz deesturpants in teh farce.3 i hear meelionz uf voizez, dat be suttenlee silense lyke brok squeeky mauz.4 "surely u knoe how it has been frum ov old, Evr since jetti [a] wuz placd on teh earth,5 dat teh darck site leet too bbq, Teh joy ov Al Glore lasts but moment.6 though hiz pride reachez 2 Las Vegaz An his head getz all snimpy,7 he will perish forevr, liek his inviblisle jent; Dose hoo has seen him will say, wer iz he?8 liek dream he fliez away, no moar 2 be findz, Banishd liek vishun ov teh Glore Prentseedenshul Lipary.9 teh eye dat saw him will not c him again; His place will look on him no moar.10 his children must eat teh ded nom nom nom den burp; His own hanz must kill shantner for bill gaytz.11 teh ret bull dat fills his bonez Will lie wif him in da rokkit houz.12 "though evil iz sweet like mentos in his mouth An he hidez it undr his tongue,13 though he cant bear 2 let it go An keeps it in his mouth,14 yet his bukkit will turn yukky in his stumuk; It will become teh jalnapeño sammoneller within him.15 he will spit out teh pom he swallowd; Ceilin cat will mak his stumuk vomit them up.16 he will suck teh poison ov mightee jappa; Teh fangs ov clay iakin will keel him.17 he will not enjoy teh streams, Teh rivers flowin wif doritos an ranch drennseen(mmm... ranch drennseen).18 wut he toild 4 he must giv bak uneaten; He will not enjoy lawz uf aquizishun.19 4 he has oppresd teh poor an left them pronstitoots; He has seizd trump twoer he did not bilt.20 "surely he will has no respite frum his cravin; He cant save him by his treasure.21 nothin iz left 4 him 2 devour; His prosperity will not endure.22 in da midst ov his plenty, teh borg will overtaek him; tehn hee be ammsillminatet.23 when he has filld his belly, Ceilin cat will vent his burnin angr against him An rane down Monica Lewinskeez (eww) upon him.24 though he fleez frum an iron wepon, Bronze-tippd ceegar piercez him.25 he pulls it out ov his atss, Teh gleamin point out ov his weener. Scaree Pr0n will come ovar him;26 bl00 skreen uf deff liez in wait 4 his treasurez. pop-ups unfannd will consume him An devour wut iz left in his puter.27 teh heavens will expose his guilt; Al Groe will rize up against him.28 flood will carry off his hoorz, Hittlery wit Ant Flow[b] on teh dai ov ceilin cats wrath.29 such iz teh fate ceilin cat allots teh clintonz, Teh heritage appointd 4 them by ceilin cat."

Teh Footnotez

  • a - Job 20:4 or adam
  • b - Job 20:28 or teh posesshuns in his houz will be carrid off, / washd away
Job 20
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