Jeremiah 7

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Old Testament
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1 Oh Hai ! Soes Ceiling Cat sez to Jeremaz.2 If uz go 2 Ceiling Cat's haus wiv Cheezburger, uz can go insied nd wrshipz him playn der Halo.3 Soes sed Ceiling Cat, pwnerer of Is-Rails. Doant be n00b nd i lets u plai at my haus.4 Don't lissen 2 Hoo Hefanah, Ceiling Cat's haus iz wai bettr.5 If uz iz niec 2 der peepz neckst dor.6 If uz do not gank al teh n00bz, or chaes Ceiling Cat arond ur haus.7 Den maybs i letz u sleeps at mah haus.8 Behholdz, u dat iz n00b, dat haz no cheezburger.9 Will u be in ur hovel, stealinz ur fingz, in ur wife, stealinz her fehdeliteez, in ur swarez, falsin teh troovs, in ur baal, burninatin teh catnipz and plaiz frizbeh wif teh ova Ceiling Bazed Lawlz.10 Nd coem wif Ceiling Cat to hiz haus nd proov dat u haf no bombnayshuns?11 In mah haus, witch is Ceiling Cat's to watch u mastubatez, becum a den of feevs in ur aiz? Evenz Ceiling Cat hz seend it.12 If uz d00dz go 2 teh Siloh serva, uz can see all der n00bz dat i pwned fur messin up Is-Rails.13 And now becuz u iz dun all dese wurks, said Ceiling Cat, and iz got aot of napz to spake to uz and i gieft u lawlz bt u did nt gieft ne bak.14 Bt newayz iz guna do to uz d00dz lekyz i did in Shilawlz.15 Nd iz guna mek u ded. Nd mek ur brovs ded leiks i did 2 A-Frame16 Dntz u be prayn fur ur peepz cos Celing Cat wont hair nuffins. Srsly.17 Uz playd on Jrooslahem or Judeh?18 Theyz mek caiks fur sum ova d00dz bt not mai =[19 Whyz dey nt leik Ceiling Cat? Iz cos i pwned all dere n00bzys?20 Thus sedz teh Ceiling Cat, iz gna pwn all ur bases nd ur d00dz nd ur moocows nd teh treis nd teh fr00ts. Nd u can no haz cheezburger.21 Nows u guyz nom nom nom on sum burninatd hoomans.22 Cos iz neva sed 2 ur Dadz dat dey hats 2 nom nom nom on burninatd hoomans wen dey wer leafin Eel-jipt23 Bt iz did wispurr 2 dem, goin, Oh Hai ! Iz ur Ceiling Cat nd if uz let me watch u den iz will giv u can opena.24 Buts dey nt lissen to Ceiling Cat, insted dey jus walk backadz on teh windowsills. Srsly.25 Nd eva since uz gt outed of Eel-Jipt, iz givs u lodz of Kittehz!26 Bt dey stil jus nappd on teh windowsills.27 Srsly.28 Bt u shud stil remaindz dem dat dis is Ceiling Cat's crib nd he can mek u ded.29 Iz gona cuts offa all ur hairz nd put dem on tops of rly hi lampz.30 Nd i gna do dis cos all u n00bz in Joodeh messd up meh haus wif all ur moocows.31 Nd dey bild lodz of hauses in teh toffee mountainz, in teh valley of teh sonz of Hasselhoff nd it iz here dat dey burninate all teh gurlz nd bois.32 Ceiling Cat gna pwn all der bases in toffee mountain.33 Den all der pigins can nom nom nom on teh ded hoomans.34 Pwned! Srsly. Kthxbai.

Jeremiah 7
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