Genesis 9

From LOLCat Bible Translation Project

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(I, uh, translated some stuff into LOLspeak.)
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4 Jst teh meet, doods. No bloods, kaikai?
4 Jst teh meet, doods. No bloods, kaikai?
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5 Surely for your lifeblood I will demand a reckoning; from the hand of every beast I will require it, and from the hand of man. From the hand of every man’s brother I will require the life of man.
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5 Ifs u eets teh bloodz iz no gud; teh animulz cantz eets teh bloodz an teh mans cantz eets teh bloodz. An ifs u killz teh mans iz no gud--teh Invisible Man killz u.
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6 “Whoever sheds man’s blood,
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6 “Ifs you killz da man,
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:By man his blood shall be shed;
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:Da man kills u, k?
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:For in the image of God
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:Teh man is liek teh
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:He made man.
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:Invisible man.
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7 And as for you, be fruitful and multiply;
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7 Yah rly, haves teh sex and teh baybeez;
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:Bring forth abundantly in the earth
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:Liek, tunz baybeez, k?
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:And multiply in it.”
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:Evrywhers.”
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8 Then God spoke to Noah and to his sons with him, saying:
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8 Invisible Man sez to Noah an his kidz:
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9 “And as for Me, behold, I establish My covenant with you and with your descendants[b] after you,
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9 “Hay looks, u an me r liek teh bests frenz an I lieks ur baybeez too,
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10 and with every living creature that is with you: the birds, the cattle, and every beast of the earth with you, of all that go out of the ark, every beast of the earth.
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10 An' teh animulz u has: teh burdies, teh caws taht mooes, and teh otehr animulz, dem gives teh mooves off teh ark, k?
11 Thus I establish My covenant with you: Never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of the flood; never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth.”
11 Thus I establish My covenant with you: Never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of the flood; never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth.”

Revision as of 09:44, 4 October 2007


needs moar

1 Teh Invisible Man blezt Noah and hes sunz, and sed to theys: “Haf lawt sex and fil up dis shiznit.

2 Teh aneemals wil be rly scured of u. I mak dem be pwned by u guyz, lol.

3 If it moufs, it kin be et. Even if it dun't—o hai plants.

4 Jst teh meet, doods. No bloods, kaikai?

5 Ifs u eets teh bloodz iz no gud; teh animulz cantz eets teh bloodz an teh mans cantz eets teh bloodz. An ifs u killz teh mans iz no gud--teh Invisible Man killz u.

6 “Ifs you killz da man,

Da man kills u, k?
Teh man is liek teh
Invisible man.

7 Yah rly, haves teh sex and teh baybeez;

Liek, tunz baybeez, k?
Evrywhers.”

8 Invisible Man sez to Noah an his kidz:

9 “Hay looks, u an me r liek teh bests frenz an I lieks ur baybeez too,

10 An' teh animulz u has: teh burdies, teh caws taht mooes, and teh otehr animulz, dem gives teh mooves off teh ark, k?

11 Thus I establish My covenant with you: Never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of the flood; never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth.”

12 And God said: “This is the sign of the covenant which I make between Me and you, and every living creature that is with you, for perpetual generations:

13 I set My rainbow in the cloud, and it shall be for the sign of the covenant between Me and the earth.

14 It shall be, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud;

15 and I will remember My covenant which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh.

16 The rainbow shall be in the cloud, and I will look on it to remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.”

17 And God said to Noah, “This is the sign of the covenant which I have established between Me and all flesh that is on the earth.”

Noah and his sons

18 Now the sons of Noah who went out of the ark were Shem, Ham, and Japheth. And Ham was the father of Canaan.

19 These three were the sons of Noah, and from these the whole earth was populated.

20 And Noah began to be a farmer, and he planted a vineyard. 21 Then he drank of the wine and was drunk, and became uncovered in his tent.

22 And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brothers outside.

23 But Shem and Japheth took a garment, laid it on both their shoulders, and went backward and covered the nakedness of their father. Their faces were turned away, and they did not see their father’s nakedness.

24 So Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done to him.

25 Then he said:

“Cursed be Canaan;
A servant of servants
He shall be to his brethren.”

26 And he said:

“Blessed be the LORD,
The God of Shem,
And may Canaan be his servant.

27 May God enlarge Japheth,

And may he dwell in the tents of Shem;
And may Canaan be his servant.”

28 And Noah lived after the flood three hundred and fifty years.

29 So all the days of Noah were nine hundred and fifty years; and he died.

Genesis 9
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