From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
1 Ceiling Cat den said2 Noah, "Liek goes into teh ark, joo and joo kittens, cuz joo coolz an' righteous an' stuff. In dis generashun. 2 taek wif u 7 of evry kind ov clean moo cow, male an' its wife, an 2 ov evry kind of unclean moo cow, male an' its mate.3 An' also 7 ov evry kind ov burd, male an' female cuz teh burdz are scaredz of teh commitments, an' also 7 ov evry kind ov burd, male an' female (for teh saem reason) 2 keep their various kindz livin throughout teh earthz. 4 7 daiz and frum nao I;m gonna send teh wetness on teh earthz. A little advize, probabliez a gud idea to keep 'em seperatez so teh moo cows don't haev an episode of "PENIS GOES WHERE?" until joo get der.4 For 4ty daiz and 4ty nites, it gon b wet and I gun pwn some n00bs.."5 An' Noah did what Ceiling Cat told im to, and installed dry wall between teh moo cows and his sons and his dawters so dey would not do nething liek to maek cowz go "PENIS GOES WHERE?!?" during teh 4ty daiz.
6 Noah was liek rlyz old when teh wetness came.7 An' noah and his kittehs enterd teh ark so tehy wouldn't get teh wetness in their furz.8 All teh moo cows and teh other stuff Ceiling Cat (who talkz forever 'bout nutin) saidz9 male an' female, came 2 Noah and he dun put them in teh ark, as Ceiling Cat commandd him.10 An' after teh seven daiz teh wetness came.
11 In da liek 6 hunderd year of Noah's lief, on teh sevententh dai ov teh second munth-on dat dai all teh spreengs ov teh grate deepz liek spewed teh waterz on teh urf and teh floodgatez ov teh heavenz wuz opend.12 An' teh wetnessez came to teh urf an' it was all wet.
13 On dat der dai, teh sons of Noahz, Shem teh Jew, Japheth teh white guy, and Ham teh blak guy wif der wivez,14 Tehy hads evry kind of animal two 'cordin to it's kind, all moo cows 'cordin to it's kind, evry creachur dat mooves on teh grawnd 'cordin 2 its kind an' evry burd 'cordin 2 it's kind, evrythin wif wings too 'cordin 2 all der kindz.15 pairs ov all creaturez dat has teh breath ov life in them came 2 noah an' enterd teh ark.16 teh animals goin in wuz male an' femail ov evry livin ting, as Ceiling Cat had toldd Noah. xcept 4 teh unicornz. And teh drag0nz and stuffs. Ceiling Cat sed 'DO NOT WANT'. and dey stayd out ov teh ark. den Ceiling Cat shut him in, and wuz liek 'k, ttyl'.
17 4 4t dais teh flood kept comin on teh urfz, an' as teh waters increasd they liftd teh ark high aboov teh urfz.18 teh watahs rose an' rose and rosed on teh urfz, an' teh ark floatd on teh watrs.19 thei rised greatlee on teh urfz, an' all teh high mowntins undr teh entir heavens wuz covrd.20 teh watrs rose an' coverd teh mowntinz 2 depth ov moar dan twenty feetz OMFGWTFBBQ!!1!21 evry livin thin dat movd on teh urfz perishd — burdz, moo cows, wild animalz, all teh creeturz dat swarm ovah teh urfz, an' all pplz. not catz doh. Ceiling Cat luvz catz. Plus catz hates getting wet.22 evryting on dri land dat had teh breth ov life in itz nostrilz dyed.23 evry livin thin on teh face ov teh urfz wuz wipd out; d00dz an' animalz an' teh creeturz dat moov along teh ground an' teh burdz ov teh air wuz wipd frum teh urfz. only Noah wuz left, an' dose wif him in da ark.
24 teh watrz floodd teh urfz 4 hundrd an' fifty dais.
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