From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
1 & when men begun 2 begats kidz on teh urth, dey had dawters. wich is gud cuz Ceiling Cat still wudnt let them masturbate.
2 & teh sons ov Ceiling Cat saw taht teh dawters ov men wer rly hot & sexy; & they "knew them" and teh dawters ov men sed "PENIS GOES WHERE?" & they had sexxs but no buttsecks cuz it hadnt been inventd yet.
3 & Ceiling Cat sed, i iz not gonna fite wif man 4 evr, 4 dat he also iz flesh: yet shall his dais b liek a long tiem 4 u guys, but 4 me.. not so much.
4 Teh Nephilim wer in teh urth in dose dais to scroos teh Creationists, & also aftr dat, when teh sons ov Ceiling Cat & dawters ov men had sexxs but still no buttsecks, & they begats kidz. & teh kidz were powrful liek superman & wonder woman & all teh avatars in WoW, & dey wer all famous & stuf.
5 & Ceiling Cat saw dat teh ppl on teh urth wuz all wikkid & mean & evil, & dat ppl thot ov wikkid mean evil stuf all teh tiem. & they rited wikkidpedia so evry1 wud knoes how 2 b all wikkid & mean & evil.
6 & Ceiling Cat wuz rly sry dat he had madez ppl on teh urth, & it madez him all sad & pissed off & stuff.
7 & Ceiling Cat sed im gonna pwnz all teh ppl & aminals what i has creatd on teh urth; ppl & moo cows & creepy crawlyz & burdz ov teh skyz & burdz liek ostridges & stuf who cant flyz; cuz i so sry i madez them.
8 But Ceiling Cat liekd noah alot.
9 This is story about noah. noah wuz rightchus d00d, & liek mor rightchus then any1 els. noah hung out wif Ceiling Cat alot & lissend 2 tunez & played pokemons & stuff.. & sumtiems Ceiling Cat even letz him winz cuz he liekd him alot.
10 & noah begat 3 sons, shem, ham, & japheth. but i alrdy told u that.
11 & teh urth wuz corruptd & messed up, & teh urth wuz filld wif meanies.
12 & Ceiling Cat saw teh urth, & saw taht it wuz corruptd cuz all teh ppl had messed it up.
13 & Ceiling Cat sed 2 noah, i iz gonna pwnz the whole urth; cuz teh urth has mor violence then WoW & grand theft auto; so im gonna pwnz them & teh whole urth. all teh filez in ppls hedz iz all corrupted & they keep emailin em to all ther frendz. :( i should haev kept it in Beta longr & inventd mcafee & nortonz & stuff to keep out trojan snake wormz & viruses & rootkitz & stuf liek that.
14 Make an ark ov gophr wud; maek roomz in teh ark, & cover it wif tar on teh insidez & outsidez. & noah sed wait a minit u cant gets wood from gophrs, u has 2 use treez. & Ceiling Cat sed i can callz a tree a gophr if i wantz cuz i iz Ceiling Cat. so stfu & go getz ur hammerz & sawz & stuff. & noah sed k, brb.
15 & Ceiling Cat sed dis iz how u makez it: teh length ov teh ark 300 cubits, teh breadth ov it 50 cubits, & teh height ov it 30 cubits. & noah sed wtf iz a cubit & Ceiling Cat sed stfu again. so noah did.
16 maek sum windoze (but not teh µ!¢®0$0ƒ+ kind) in teh ark, 2 cubitz hai; & mek teh door in teh side; & maek it wif 1th, 2th, & 3th storiez.
17 & chek it out, i makez teh flood ov waters upon teh hole urth, 2 pwnz all teh ppl & aminals, wherein iz teh breath ov lief, fum undr teh skyz; evrythin in teh urth will get ded.
18 But i iz taeks care ov u & keeps u safe cuz i lieks u alot; & u shal come into teh ark, u, & ur sons, & ur wief, & ur sons' wifez 2.
19 & ov every livin thin, taek 2 ov every kind into teh ark, 2 keep them aliv wif u; mek shur dey r male & female so dey can meks mor aminals after dey leavs teh ark but i wont letz dem haz sexxs on teh ark cuz mor aminals wud mek it 2 crouded.
20 Taek all kinds of teh birdz, & ov teh moocows, & ov teh creepy crawlyz on teh urth, 2 ov evry kind 2 keep them aliv. but dont worry about teh fishz, dey can swim gud.
21 & taek teh fud dat all teh ppl & aminals lieks 2 eatz, & gathr it up; & it shall b 4 fud 4 u, & 4 them. & noah sed thers gonna b alot ov $#!+ to shuvl wif all dem aminals & stuff, & Ceiling Cat sed stfu ill givez dem all rael bad constipashun so dont worry about it. & noah sed k and shutted up.
22 so noah did all that; evrythin dat Ceiling Cat told him, he did it.
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