Genesis 4

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[[Category:Genesis|Genesis 4]]{{Old Testament}}
[[Category:Genesis|Genesis 4]]{{Old Testament}}
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[[Image:catdick.jpg|thumb|left|[[Genesis 4]]:1]]
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===== Cain pwns Abel =====
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===== Cain an Abel =====
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|1=An teh man told his wife "We gun have kidz" An eve his wife said "PENIS GOES WHERE?" Aftur teh explanashun adam "knews" eve his wife; An she is has teh kid cain, An said, i has gotten man wif teh halp ov Ceiling Cat, but he kinda mean 4 makin' it hert so bad.  
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|1=So Adam an Eve did sumfin dat ull lurn abowt wen yur oldr. Latr, Eve had a kitteh naymd Cain. She sed, "OMG Ceiling Cat givez me a boi!!!!".
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|2=An again she is has his brothr abel. An abel wuz keepr ov teh moocows, but cain wuz farmr cuz he was part mexican.
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|2=Latr, Eve has nothr kitteh naymd Abel, but dunno wat she sed aftr dat. Wen Cain an Abel gotz big, Abel tuk caer of teh shepe an Cain wuz a farmr leik his daddy.
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|3=An after awhile cain brought sum ov teh froots ov teh ground 4 an offerin unto Ceiling Cat, cuz he just got off Atkins.
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|3=An aftr awhiel Cain gaev sum of teh froots for offerin to Ceiling Cat, cuz he just got off Atkins.
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|4=An abel, he also brought teh first meets ov his moo cows (An ov teh fat of em cuz teh moo cows are on Atkins.) An he made teh 1st cheezburger An gaev it 2 Ceiling Cat. An Abel gaev to Ceiling Cat his Pokemans. An Ceiling Cat liekd abel An his fudz An his pokemans
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|4=An Abel tuk sum yummy moocow fat, an he made teh 1st cheezburger, an gaev it to Ceiling Cat. Ceiling Cat thot it wuz AWSUM an sed, "U go Abel!"
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|5=But cain An 2 his offerin he had no liekd. An Ceiling Cat sed, do not want. cuz u didnt makez cookies out ov it, An besiedz u didnt bringz me any catnipz. An cain wuz mad, An got all liek sad An stuff.  
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|5=But Cainz offerin he no liekd. Ceiling Cat sed, "DO NOT WANT! Epic fail!!1!one!" So Cain got teh angries.
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{{verse
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|6=An Ceiling Cat said unto cain, y is u be so pissed off? An y iz u all liek sad An stuff?  
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|6=Ceiling Cat sed to Cain, "Hay! Wuts wit da tood? An y iz u all liek sad an stuf?
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|7=If u do gud, isn't it gun go up? An if u doest not well, sin croucheth at teh door: it wants to has you, but you hafta maik it go away.
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|7=If u doez gud stuf, u wil has a happee. But if u doez bad stuf, sin wants in: it wants to has you, but u hafta maik it go awai. Kthxbye."
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{{verse
{{verse
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|8=An cain told abel his brothr wot happnd. An 1 day when they were out in da field, cain got all up in abels face, An totally pwnzd him.  
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|8=An Cain told Abel his bruda wut happnd. An wun dai wen dey wuz in teh bakyard, Cain got all up in Abelz face, an totlly pwnd him.
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{{verse
{{verse
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|9=An Ceiling Cat said "cain, where iz abel?"
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|9=Ceiling Cat sed "Cain, ware iz mah Abel???" Cain sed, "Ai dunno. Ai iz not kitteh-sitter."
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:: An cain sed, "i dono. xqz me i iz not camping abel all teh time."
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}}
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{{verse
{{verse
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|10=An he said, wat u do? teh voice ov thy brothr's blood crieth unto me fum teh ground. (Ceiling Cat haz totally xlnt hearing An stuf.)
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|10=An Ceiling Cat was liek, "O RLY? Ur ded bruda iz mewin frum undr teh carpt. (Ceiling Cat haz totally xlnt heerin an stuf)
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|11=An nao cursd art thou fum teh ground, which hath opend its mouth 2 receiv thy brothr's blood fum thy hand;
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|11=K so nao cursd r u fum teh urfs, dat tuk yur bro's blud frum yur pawz.
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|12=When yous plowen teh urth, it bes all hard an stuffz; fugitiv An wanderr shalt thou b in da urth. An its gonna sux cuz therz no united farmwrkr union yet.
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|12=Yu can try an gro froots an veggiez, but teh urf isnt gonna cooperate. An its gonna sux cuz therz no farmwrkr yoonyun yet. So yur gonna play hide-an-go-seek for teh rest of yur lief. Wel, kinda."
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{{verse
{{verse
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|13=An cain said unto Ceiling Cat, meh punishment iz greatr than i can bear.  
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|13=An Cain sed to Ceiling Cat "Tihs sux.
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|14=Behold, u kickban me from teh urth; An killfiled me; An i has no guild or clan or nothin; an' i'm KOS with everyone, even n00bs will pwnz me.
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|14=U ban me from teh urf an killz me an i haz no iteh bitteh kitteh committeh, an i'm dumd wit evrywun, even n00bs will pwnz meh!"
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=====Cain's kittehs=====
{{verse
{{verse
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|15=An Ceiling Cat said unto him, therefore whosoevr pwnz cain, i will pwnz him 7x. An Ceiling Cat appointd sign 4 cain, sos no1 findin him should pwnz him.  
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|15=An Ceiling Cat said "Ok den, aniwun dat pwns u, dey wil get pwnd and pwnd and pwnd and pwnd and pwnd and pwnd and pwnd." An Ceiling Cat makz speshul tatoo for Cain, so nobudy findin him wud pwn him. Dat's wun humdingr uv a tatoo.
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|16=An cain went out fum teh presence ov Ceiling Cat, An dwelt in da land ov nod, on teh east ov eden.  
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|16=An Cain rode on hiz invisibul biek awai frum Ceiling Cat. He gotz teh mornin sunbaff befor teh kittehs in Eden, cuz he catnappd in Nod.
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{{verse
{{verse
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|17=An cain knew his wife (but ther waznt any grrrlz yet xcept his mom, so must b sum othr kind of mirakel but Ceiling Cat is totally 1337 wen it comez 2 mirakels liek makin more grrrlz. Srsly); An she is has teh kid enoch: An cain buildd city, An calld teh name ov teh city, aftr teh name ov his son, enoch.
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|17=So aftr Cain and hiz gurl did sumfin ull lurn abowt wen ur oldr, his gurl had a kitteh namd Enoch. He maks a city calld Enoch tu, cuz he finks Enoch rulz.
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|18=An unto enoch wuz born irad: An irad is has teh kid mehujael: An mehujael is has teh kid methushael; An methushael is has teh kid lamech.  
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|18=Enoch had a kitteh namd Irad, whu had a kitteh namd Mehujael, whu had a kitteh namd Methusael, whu had a kitteh namd Lamech. Not all at teh saym tiem, tho.
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{{verse
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|19=An lamech took unto him 2 wivez (c i told u Ceiling Cat cud makez more grrrlz!!!1!): teh name ov teh 1 wuz adah, An teh name ov teh othr zillah.  
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|19=Lamech gots marreed to twu gurlz namd Adah an Zillah. No wun had wrot relaishunship help buks yet, so it wuz teh awkward.
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|20=An adah is has teh kid jabal: An he An his kidz got to campz out in tents liek it wuz vacayshun but they had to chase after all teh moocows An sheeps an stuff so maybe it wasnt that much fun after all.  
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|20=Adah had a kitteh namd Jabal. He liekd sleepovrs alot so he livd in a tent, an othr ppl startd livin in tents too. O ya, he had moocows too.
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|21=An his brothr's name wuz jubal: An he An his kidz maded all the tunez An stuff An invented the ipod, (wifout lectricity or nuthin, Ceiling Cat waz gettin rael good at doin mirakels).  
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|21=Jubal wuz Jabal's bro. (Deir mum liekd tung-twistrz.) Jubal liekd musik, an datz wher rok'n'rol caim frum.
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|22=An zillah, she also has teh kid tubal-cain, An he An his kidz maded all teh knifes An swordz An razrbladez An other sharp metal stuf: An teh sistr ov tubal-cain wuz naamah.  
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|22=Zillah had a kitteh namd Tubalcain, or Toob fer short. He liekd makin stufs owt of metal, an datz wher cowbell cumz frum. O ya, he had a sista namd Naamah. Dont no wut she did, tho.
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{{verse
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|23=An lamech said unto his wivez,
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|23=Lamech told his wivez, "Hey Adah, Zillah! Listn tu me. R u listnin? Ok gud, cuz ai just pwnd somwun cuz dey gaiv me an owchie.
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:: "adah An zillah, hear meh voice;
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|24=If Cain getz 7x paybak, den 77x paybak for Lamech."
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:: ye wivez ov lamech, listenz unto meh speechs.
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:: 4 i has pwn3d sum d00d 4 woundin me,
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:: sum young d00d 4 bruisin me:
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}}
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{{verse
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=====Seth=====
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|24=If cain shall b avengd 7x,
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:: truly lamech 77x."
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}}
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{{verse
{{verse
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|25=An adam knew his wife again; An she is has teh son, An calld his name seth. 4, said she, Ceiling Cat gaev me anothr kid instead ov abel; 4 cain pwnzd him.  
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|25=Anywai, Adam an his wief did sumfin ull lurn abowt wen yur oldr. She had a kitteh namd Seth. She sed, "Itz a boi!! Thanx Ceiling Cat, u givz me anothr kitteh insted of Abel, cuz Cain... cuz Cain..." She cuddnt finish hur sentnce tho, an startd bawlin.
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|26=An 2 seth, 2 him also thar wuz born son; An he calld his name enosh. den began men 2 call upon teh name ov Ceiling Cat.
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|26=Seth had a kitteh namd Enos. Den kittehs startd to say hai to Ceiling Cat moar often n stuff.
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[[Category:Genesis|Genesis 4]]
[[Category:Genesis|Genesis 4]]
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Latest revision as of 18:41, 17 September 2011

Old Testament
Bible5.gif
Cain pwns Abel

1 So Adam an Eve did sumfin dat ull lurn abowt wen yur oldr. Latr, Eve had a kitteh naymd Cain. She sed, "OMG Ceiling Cat givez me a boi!!!!".2 Latr, Eve has nothr kitteh naymd Abel, but dunno wat she sed aftr dat. Wen Cain an Abel gotz big, Abel tuk caer of teh shepe an Cain wuz a farmr leik his daddy.3 An aftr awhiel Cain gaev sum of teh froots for offerin to Ceiling Cat, cuz he just got off Atkins.4 An Abel tuk sum yummy moocow fat, an he made teh 1st cheezburger, an gaev it to Ceiling Cat. Ceiling Cat thot it wuz AWSUM an sed, "U go Abel!"5 But Cainz offerin he no liekd. Ceiling Cat sed, "DO NOT WANT! Epic fail!!1!one!" So Cain got teh angries.

6 Ceiling Cat sed to Cain, "Hay! Wuts wit da tood? An y iz u all liek sad an stuf?7 If u doez gud stuf, u wil has a happee. But if u doez bad stuf, sin wants in: it wants to has you, but u hafta maik it go awai. Kthxbye."

8 An Cain told Abel his bruda wut happnd. An wun dai wen dey wuz in teh bakyard, Cain got all up in Abelz face, an totlly pwnd him.

9 Ceiling Cat sed "Cain, ware iz mah Abel???" Cain sed, "Ai dunno. Ai iz not kitteh-sitter."

10 An Ceiling Cat was liek, "O RLY? Ur ded bruda iz mewin frum undr teh carpt. (Ceiling Cat haz totally xlnt heerin an stuf)11 K so nao cursd r u fum teh urfs, dat tuk yur bro's blud frum yur pawz.12 Yu can try an gro froots an veggiez, but teh urf isnt gonna cooperate. An its gonna sux cuz therz no farmwrkr yoonyun yet. So yur gonna play hide-an-go-seek for teh rest of yur lief. Wel, kinda."

13 An Cain sed to Ceiling Cat "Tihs sux.14 U ban me from teh urf an killz me an i haz no iteh bitteh kitteh committeh, an i'm dumd wit evrywun, even n00bs will pwnz meh!"

Cain's kittehs

15 An Ceiling Cat said "Ok den, aniwun dat pwns u, dey wil get pwnd and pwnd and pwnd and pwnd and pwnd and pwnd and pwnd." An Ceiling Cat makz speshul tatoo for Cain, so nobudy findin him wud pwn him. Dat's wun humdingr uv a tatoo.16 An Cain rode on hiz invisibul biek awai frum Ceiling Cat. He gotz teh mornin sunbaff befor teh kittehs in Eden, cuz he catnappd in Nod.

17 So aftr Cain and hiz gurl did sumfin ull lurn abowt wen ur oldr, his gurl had a kitteh namd Enoch. He maks a city calld Enoch tu, cuz he finks Enoch rulz.18 Enoch had a kitteh namd Irad, whu had a kitteh namd Mehujael, whu had a kitteh namd Methusael, whu had a kitteh namd Lamech. Not all at teh saym tiem, tho.

19 Lamech gots marreed to twu gurlz namd Adah an Zillah. No wun had wrot relaishunship help buks yet, so it wuz teh awkward.20 Adah had a kitteh namd Jabal. He liekd sleepovrs alot so he livd in a tent, an othr ppl startd livin in tents too. O ya, he had moocows too.21 Jubal wuz Jabal's bro. (Deir mum liekd tung-twistrz.) Jubal liekd musik, an datz wher rok'n'rol caim frum.22 Zillah had a kitteh namd Tubalcain, or Toob fer short. He liekd makin stufs owt of metal, an datz wher cowbell cumz frum. O ya, he had a sista namd Naamah. Dont no wut she did, tho.

23 Lamech told his wivez, "Hey Adah, Zillah! Listn tu me. R u listnin? Ok gud, cuz ai just pwnd somwun cuz dey gaiv me an owchie.24 If Cain getz 7x paybak, den 77x paybak for Lamech."

Seth

25 Anywai, Adam an his wief did sumfin ull lurn abowt wen yur oldr. She had a kitteh namd Seth. She sed, "Itz a boi!! Thanx Ceiling Cat, u givz me anothr kitteh insted of Abel, cuz Cain... cuz Cain..." She cuddnt finish hur sentnce tho, an startd bawlin.26 Seth had a kitteh namd Enos. Den kittehs startd to say hai to Ceiling Cat moar often n stuff.

Genesis 4
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