Genesis 36

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Old Testament
Esau's Kittehz

1 This iz bout Esau's kittehz, and gitz srsly borin if u wun skip it lol!!!1

2 Essau got wit Canaan catsez in heat: Elon teh Hittite's dotter Adah, an Oholibamah (reel name!) Anah's kitteh and so on-3 n also Basemath kitteh of Ishmael and littermayt of Nebaioth.

4 (Did i tel u can skip this lol?) Adah dun whelpz Eliphaz 2 Esau, Basemath whelpz Reuel,5 and Oholibamah (lol!) whelpz Jeush, Jalam n Korah. Deez wer tomcat litter of Esau, what wuz born in Canaan.

6 Esau gotz all hiz girl catz and kittehs, an all teh aminals an shinies an stuff from Canaan, and roamded.7 But they had 2 many toyz.8 So Esau roamded moer and goez to Seir.

9 K an this iz abowt Esau, liek i alredy sayed.

10 This wut Esau calld his sonz, but iz not gon be on test or nething:

 Eliphaz, wut Adah whelpt, an Reuel from out Basemath.

11 Eliphaz wuznt neutered 2:

 Teman, Omar, Zepho, Gatam and Kenaz.

12 Eliphaz had girl on side named Timna, she dun whelpt Amalek. Is grandsunz of Adah in case yu wernt followin.

13 Reuel wuznt fikksed 2:

 Nahath, Zerah, Shammah and Mizzah. Grandsunz from Basemath.

14 Oholibamah's litter wit Esau:

 Jeush, Jalam and Korah.

15 An dese ar bosscatz what camed owt Essau's litter:

 Eliphaz - Esau's son, remembr? lol:

 Bosscatz Teman, Omar, Zepho, Kenaz,16 Korah, Gatam an Amalek. Bosscatz. Adah wuz there granma.

17 Bak 2 Reuel agin:

 Bossez Nahath, Zerah, Shammah an Mizzah. Mor bosscatz; Basemath wuz there granma.

18 An mor from Oholibamah:

 Bossez Jeush, Jalam and Korah. Did I mention they wuz bossez?

19 Those wuz Esau's litter.

20 Seir teh Horite wuznt fikksed either. Srsly, WTF??!!1!:

 Lotan, Shobal, Zibeon, Anah,21 Dishon, Ezer an Dishan. Theez bosscatz.

22 Lotan had kittehz:

 Hori and Homam. Timna wuz Lotan's littermaet.

23 Shobal had kittehz 2:

 Alvan, Manahath, Ebal, Shepho and Onam.

24 Zibeon 2. No 1 wuz getin fixded bak den:

 Aiah and Anah. Iz saem Anah what found hot tub in teh desert wen he wuz feedin hiz dadz donkeez.

25 Anah had kittehz 2. Surprize lol:

 Dishon an nuther Oholibamah, not saem.

26 Dishon had kittehz. I tole yu can skip this alreddy:

 Hemdan, Eshban, Ithran an Keran.

27 Ezer's kittehz:

 Bilhan, Zaavan and Akan.

28 Dishan's litter:

 Uz and Aran.

29 Deez r Horite bosscatz:

 Lotan, Shobal, Zibeon, Anah,30 Dishon, Ezer n Dishan. Liek i jus sayed, those wer bosscatz.

Teh Bossez of Edom

31 K were doin moer bossez now. Deez wuz all bossez in Edom befoer any Israelite boss evn:

32 Bela wuz boss of Edom an hiz dad wuz Beor. His place wuz calld Dinhabah.

33 Bela got ded, so then Jobab wuz boss.

34 Jobab dieded 2, then Husham wuz boss.

35 Husham got ded 2, so Hadad, who srsly pwned Midian in teh face, got to be boss. Hiz city naym Avith.

36 An Hadad got ded, so den Samlah iz boss.

37 Then Samlah got ded, Shaul wuz next boss.

38 An Shaul dieded 2, so Baal-Hanan wuz next.

39 Baal-Hanan dieded, an Hadad wuz boss. Hiz city naym Pau, an hiz wife wuz Mehetabel.

40 These bossez from Esau's litter, organyzd an stuff:

 Timna, Alvah, Jetheth,41 Oholibamah, Elah, Pinon,42 Kenaz, Teman, Mibzar,43 Magdiel and Iram. Them iz bossez of Edom, wut with ware they livded an stuff.

 Datz all bout Esau teh Edomiteses dad.

Genesis 36
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