Genesis 2

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|10=Bai teh way, if u iz a geografee nut, a rivr caym frum Eden to watr teh gardn, an it splitted intu 4 rivrz wit srsly weerd naemz.
|10=Bai teh way, if u iz a geografee nut, a rivr caym frum Eden to watr teh gardn, an it splitted intu 4 rivrz wit srsly weerd naemz.
|11=Rivr numbah 1 wuz Pison (did u sneez? blez u!). It wint to Havilah, an gold iz thare.
|11=Rivr numbah 1 wuz Pison (did u sneez? blez u!). It wint to Havilah, an gold iz thare.
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|12=An itz rly awsum gold!!!!111 Ohyeah, therz sum stuf calld "bdellium" an "onyx" thare, too.
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|12=An itz rly awsum gold!!!! Ohyeah, therz sum stuf calld "bdellium" an "onyx" thare, too.
|13=Rivr numbah 2 wuz Gihon (it spellz "nohig" backwrdz... not so great acshully). It wint to Ethiopia. So nou u knowz how to getz to Ethiopia.
|13=Rivr numbah 2 wuz Gihon (it spellz "nohig" backwrdz... not so great acshully). It wint to Ethiopia. So nou u knowz how to getz to Ethiopia.
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|14=Rivr numbah 3 wuz Hiddekel (yes, srsly). It wint to Assyria. And rivr numbah 4 wuz Euphrates (u afrayd o'theez?). Now, bak to teh storie.
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|14=Rivr numbah 3 wuz Hiddekel (yes, srsly). It wint to Assyria. And rivr numbah 4 wuz Euphrates (u afrayd o'theez?). It wint to Ur. Now, bak to teh storie.
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=====Boi an Gurl=====
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=====Moocows an Gurl=====
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|15=So Ceiling Cat put teh boi in teh gardn to be itz farmr.
|15=So Ceiling Cat put teh boi in teh gardn to be itz farmr.
|16=An Ceiling Cat sed to teh boi, "See all theez froot treez? Knok yurself owt.
|16=An Ceiling Cat sed to teh boi, "See all theez froot treez? Knok yurself owt.
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|17=But dont eet teh froot of the tree of morulz, cuz if u eatz that then ULL DIE! Srsly! kthxbye."  
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|17=But dont eet teh froot of the tree of morulz, cuz if u eatz that then ULL DIE! Srsly! Kthxbye."  
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|18=An Ceiling Cat sed, "teh boi is alown an dat iz bad; he needz frendz so i wil maek him a gud helpr."
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|18=An Ceiling Cat sed, "teh boi is alown an dat an dat iz bad; he needz frendz so i wil maek him a gud helpr."
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|19=So Ceiling Cat made farm animulz and birdies frum durt. An Ceiling Cat brot them to teh boi to c wat he wud naym them: an teh animulz wur calld wutevr teh boi calld them. If thay didnt liek it, tuff tamales, thay wuz stuk wif it.
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|19=So Ceiling Cat made farm animulz and birdies frum durt. An Ceiling Cat brot them to teh boi to c wat he wud naym them: an teh animulz wur calld wutevr teh boi calld them. If thay didnt liek it, tuff tamales, thay wuz stuk wif it FOREVAH!!
|20=An teh boi naymd all thoze animulz, but nun of dem wuz a gud helpr.
|20=An teh boi naymd all thoze animulz, but nun of dem wuz a gud helpr.
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|21=So Ceiling Cat gived teh boi invisible sleepin pill an did sum surjerie an tuk owt wun of teh boiz rib bonez. Ohyeah, an Ceiling Cat put teh skin bak on, so teh boi wudnt freek latr.
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|21=So Ceiling Cat gived teh boi invisible sleepin pill an did sum surjerie an tuk owt wun of teh boiz rib bonez. Ohyeah, an Ceiling Cat put teh skin bak on, so teh boi wudnt be PO'ed latr.
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|22=An Ceiling Cat transformd teh rib bonez into a perty gurl. Ceiling Cat tuk teh gurl to teh boi, then watchd teh fun begin.
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|22=An Ceiling Cat transformd teh rib bonez into a prity gurl. Ceiling Cat tuk teh gurl to teh boi, then watchd teh fun begin.
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Latest revision as of 15:22, 9 April 2010

Old Testament
Bible5.gif
Ceiling Cat enjoyin Caturday

1 So datz how teh skyz an teh Urfs wur finishd, an al teh stufz in dem. 2 An on Caturday, Ceiling Cat was dun makin al dat stuf; an he restd, thinkn uv how awsum it wuz.3 An to clbrate, Ceiling Cat made Caturday speshl, an sed "Do not want bad stuf on Caturday"; cuz dats when he restd frum all his werk creatin and makin cool stuf.

Boi

4 Anywayz, here ar teh ppl Ceiling Cat made when teh skyz an teh Urfs wur reddy.

5 Urfs had no farm plantz n farm catnipz n stuff yet, cuz Ceiling Cat no maek rainz yet, but iz ok cuz kittehs DUNT LYKE wetfurz. An ther wuznt any farmrz eethr.6 But teh fogz caem in liek in Frisco an waterd teh entyre grownd so teh plantz wud be happee.7 An Ceiling Cat madez a boi outta teh durt, did invisibl CPR, an teh durt boi wuz a reel boi.

8 An Ceiling Cat growed a gardn in Eden (datz in teh eest... wen u lookie norf and tern rite), an Ceiling Cat tuk da boi thare.9 An Ceiling Cat growed lotsa prity and yummy farm treez! Teh tree of happee an teh tree of morulz wur in teh middl of teh gardn.

Geografee

10 Bai teh way, if u iz a geografee nut, a rivr caym frum Eden to watr teh gardn, an it splitted intu 4 rivrz wit srsly weerd naemz.11 Rivr numbah 1 wuz Pison (did u sneez? blez u!). It wint to Havilah, an gold iz thare.12 An itz rly awsum gold!!!! Ohyeah, therz sum stuf calld "bdellium" an "onyx" thare, too.13 Rivr numbah 2 wuz Gihon (it spellz "nohig" backwrdz... not so great acshully). It wint to Ethiopia. So nou u knowz how to getz to Ethiopia.14 Rivr numbah 3 wuz Hiddekel (yes, srsly). It wint to Assyria. And rivr numbah 4 wuz Euphrates (u afrayd o'theez?). It wint to Ur. Now, bak to teh storie.

Moocows an Gurl

15 So Ceiling Cat put teh boi in teh gardn to be itz farmr.16 An Ceiling Cat sed to teh boi, "See all theez froot treez? Knok yurself owt.17 But dont eet teh froot of the tree of morulz, cuz if u eatz that then ULL DIE! Srsly! Kthxbye."

18 An Ceiling Cat sed, "teh boi is alown an dat an dat iz bad; he needz frendz so i wil maek him a gud helpr."19 So Ceiling Cat made farm animulz and birdies frum durt. An Ceiling Cat brot them to teh boi to c wat he wud naym them: an teh animulz wur calld wutevr teh boi calld them. If thay didnt liek it, tuff tamales, thay wuz stuk wif it FOREVAH!!20 An teh boi naymd all thoze animulz, but nun of dem wuz a gud helpr. 21 So Ceiling Cat gived teh boi invisible sleepin pill an did sum surjerie an tuk owt wun of teh boiz rib bonez. Ohyeah, an Ceiling Cat put teh skin bak on, so teh boi wudnt be PO'ed latr.22 An Ceiling Cat transformd teh rib bonez into a prity gurl. Ceiling Cat tuk teh gurl to teh boi, then watchd teh fun begin. 23 Teh boi sed, "Her boddy caim frum my boddy? Sweet! I callz her 'Gurl' cuz she caim frum a boi, an it sowndz betr than 'Frumboi'."

24 Thatz wiy a boi leevz his mommy an daddy an getz mareed to a gurl.

25 Teh boi an gurl wared invisible fur, an didnt fink it wuz bad.

Audio Version (courtesy LOLCheshirecat)

Genesis 2
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