Genesis 2

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|18=An Ceiling Cat sed, "teh boi is alown an dat iz bad; he needz frendz so i wil maek him a gud helpr for him. (iz gud at stuf liek taht. srsly.)"
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|18=An Ceiling Cat sed, "teh boi is alown an dat iz bad; he needz frendz so i wil maek him a gud helpr."
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|19=So Ceiling Cat made farm animulz and birdies frum durt. An Ceiling Cat brot them to teh boi to c wat he wud naym them: an teh animulz wur calld wutevr teh boi calld them. If thay didnt liek it, tuff tamales, thay wuz stuk wif it.
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|20=An teh boi naymd all thoze animulz, but nun of dem wuz a gud helpr.
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|19=An owt ov teh grownd Ceiling Cat madez al teh aminals on teh urfs an in teh see, an al teh burdz up in sky (an sum liek ostrijes who cudnt flyz, just fur fun). (Ceiling Cat is raely good at makingz mud pies. srsly.) An brot them untew teh man to c what he wud cal tehm: an wut teh man caled evry living aminal, dat wuz its naim. (if tehy didnt liek it, tuff tamales, tehy wuz stuk wif it.)
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|21=So Ceiling Cat gived teh boi invisible sleepin pill an did sum surjerie an tuk owt wun of teh boiz rib bonez. Ohyeah, an Ceiling Cat put teh skin bak on, so teh boi wudnt freek latr.
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|22=An Ceiling Cat transformd teh rib bonez into a perty gurl. Ceiling Cat tuk teh gurl to teh boi, then watchd teh fun begin.
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|20=An teh man gave namez to al teh aminals, an to teh burdies of sky (an to teh onez who cudnt flyz) an teh aminals in teh see, (so vey wudnt feel levt out), an to evry aminal in teh feeld (an in da hows, like kittehs); but fer man wuznt no gud helpr fo him, not evun anyonez to tak to in chatroom.
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|23=Teh boi sed, "Her boddy caim frum my boddy? Sweet! I callz her 'Gurl' cuz she caim frum a boi, an it sowndz betr than 'Frumboi'."
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|21=An Ceiling Cat caused a deep sleep to fal upawn teh man, an he sleeped; an he tuk one of his ribs, cuz it has a flavr.
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|22=An Ceiling Cat can haz teh rib frum man maded into wimman, but did not eated it cuz he brot her to teh man. He sai O hai, I maded u a man but wifout long hare. Hav fun, kthxbai.
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|23=Teh man saiz,
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:: "Dese bonez iz mai  bonez
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:: an dis meatz r mai meatz;
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:: I calz her "whoa man", k
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:: cuz she wuz in ur chest taken ur ribs. Srsly"
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Revision as of 20:14, 2 January 2010

Old Testament
Bible5.gif
Ceiling Cat iz waching yu... dont du sumting rong!

1 So datz how teh skyz an teh Urfs wur finishd, an al teh stufz in dem. 2 An on Caturday, Ceiling Cat was dun makin al dat stuf; an he restd, thinkn uv how awsum it wuz.3 An to clbrate, Ceiling Cat made Caturday speshl, an sed "Do not want bad stuf on Caturday"; cuz dats when he restd frum all his werk creatin and makin cool stuf.

Boi An Gurl

4 Anywayz, here ar teh ppl Ceiling Cat made when teh skyz an teh Urfs wur reddy.

5 Urfs had no farm plantz n farm catnipz n stuff yet, cuz Ceiling Cat no maek rainz yet, but iz ok cuz kittehs DUNT LYKE wetfurz. An ther wuznt any farmrz eethr.6 But teh fogz caem in liek in Frisco an waterd teh entyre grownd so teh plantz wud be happee.7 An Ceiling Cat madez a boi outta teh durt, did invisibl CPR, an teh durt boi wuz a reel boi.

8 An Ceiling Cat growed a gardn in Eden (datz in teh eest... wen u lookie norf and tern rite), an Ceiling Cat tuk da boi thare.9 An Ceiling Cat growed lotsa prity and yummy farm treez! Teh tree of happee an teh tree of morulz wur in teh middl of teh gardn.

10 Bai teh way, if u iz a geografee nut, a rivr caym frum Eden to watr teh gardn, an it splitted intu 4 rivrz wit srsly weerd naemz.11 Rivr numbah 1 wuz Pison (did u sneez? blez u!). It wint to Havilah, an gold iz thare.12 An itz rly awsum gold!!!!111 O ya, therz sum stuf calld "bdellium" an "onyx" thare, too.13 Rivr numbah 2 wuz Gihon (it spellz "nohig" backwrdz... not so great acshully). It wint to Ethiopia. So nou u knowz how to getz to Ethiopia.14 Rivr numbah 3 wuz Hiddekel (yes, srsly). It wint to Assyria. And rivr numbah 4 wuz Euphrates (u afrayd o'theez?). Now, bak to teh storie.

15 So Ceiling Cat put teh boi in teh gardn to be itz farmr.16 An Ceiling Cat sed to teh boi, "See all theez froot treez? Knok yurself owt.17 But dont eet teh froot of the tree of morulz, cuz if u eatz that then ULL DIE! Srsly! kthxbye."

18 An Ceiling Cat sed, "teh boi is alown an dat iz bad; he needz frendz so i wil maek him a gud helpr."19 So Ceiling Cat made farm animulz and birdies frum durt. An Ceiling Cat brot them to teh boi to c wat he wud naym them: an teh animulz wur calld wutevr teh boi calld them. If thay didnt liek it, tuff tamales, thay wuz stuk wif it.20 An teh boi naymd all thoze animulz, but nun of dem wuz a gud helpr. 21 So Ceiling Cat gived teh boi invisible sleepin pill an did sum surjerie an tuk owt wun of teh boiz rib bonez. Ohyeah, an Ceiling Cat put teh skin bak on, so teh boi wudnt freek latr.22 An Ceiling Cat transformd teh rib bonez into a perty gurl. Ceiling Cat tuk teh gurl to teh boi, then watchd teh fun begin. 23 Teh boi sed, "Her boddy caim frum my boddy? Sweet! I callz her 'Gurl' cuz she caim frum a boi, an it sowndz betr than 'Frumboi'."

24 So man muv out da baesment an lives wif da womenz, an be all u can puts your toofbrush nexta mine an I no eats you.

an da manz sez orly
da womenz sez ya rly
an da manz sez no wai
an da womenz sez wai

25 and teh man and teh woman weared invisible close!

Audio Version (courtesy LOLCheshirecat)

Genesis 2
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