Genesis 17

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Old Testament

1 Abram was 99 yr geezer, n Ceiling Cat sez 2 him: "I pwn everthing! lets be bff!12 We can has speshul covenint n i do invisible magic so yous breed leik rabbit."

3 Abram rofl...well not lulz, but he rofl cuz Ceiling Cat is big important. n Ceiling Cat say,4 "For my covenint I make you breed leik rabbit so that u father many nayshuns.5 Ur domain name, iz 404 not found. I make u new this have sumthin 2 do w how, did I mention, i make you breed leik rabbit!6 I leik fruit, and I leik u ! I leik teh rabbit, and teh nayshuns, o an kingz 2 so I will make ur descendants lot of kingz.7 Since i do all this 4 yous, I be Ceiling Cat to u n pwn all yous 4eva.8 i put u in Canaan, first we subdew natives so you can has it 4eva. OHai did I mention i be Ceiling Cat and pwn all yous?"

9 Then Ceiling Cat say, "An yous better keep ur part covenint, you n all ur kittehs and grandkittehs and so on.10 N here it is FTW. Teh convenint u makes with me 4eva: All kitteh with dangly bit must cut off speshul skin.11 Leik I said, all yous need do this cuz it meanz covenint.12 All ur kitteh, grandkitteh et setera with teh dangly bit, u cut speshul skin when 8 days. Also if u buy kitteh on black market, u cut there dangly bit 2.13 Leik I keep sayin cuz i iz so badass it all bear repeatin, u has 2 do this for covenint.14 Any kitteh with teh dangly bit who not can has cut, i make him go far away, 4 he break teh covenint"

15 Ceiling Cat also say to Abraham, "Dood, ur wife's domain name,, iz too 404 not found. she can also has new URL, sarah.com16 I make invisible Ceiling Cat magic on her an she give u tiny kitteh with dangly bits. Nayshuns and kingz will come out of her kittehs, cuz i lay my badass blessins on her."

17 Abraham rofl, an now he lulz to hisself an think, "O rly? Sarah and me is both geezurs, no can has kittehs."18 An Abraham say to Ceiling Cat, "I has son already, Ishmael. He can has awesome Ceiling Cat blessin 2?"

19 An Ceiling Cat say, "Ya but Sarah has another kitteh soon, and his domain name With this kitteh I make my speshul covenint.20 Ishmael, ya he gots invisible blessing too, n I make him breed leik rabbit too.21 But I leik Isaac more, u meet him this year when Sarah plop him out. Isaac be my main homie with teh covenint cuz I m in ur base playin my favoritism."22 Ceiling Cat say, "Kthxbai!"

23 So right awai Abraham take Ishmeal an everone else in his base with teh dangly bits, includin kittehs he bought on black market, n leik Ceiling Cat say he cut speshul skin.24 When Abraham cut his dangly bits, he 99yrs. LOL, old.25 His kitteh Ishmael 13 yrs.26 Abraham and kitteh both make speshul cut to dangly bits same day. KODAK MOMENT.27 n all teh others on his base 2. Everone with teh dangly bits go snippy snippy.

Genesis 17
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