Ezekiel 37

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1 Teh pawz uv teh CEILING CAT wur up ons meh, n Pawz uv teh CEILING CAT brat meh to teh Spirit uv teh CEILING CAT n set meh in an earf cut! Gaiz Bones Urvywhur, WTF!

2 CEILING CAT led me arounds teh bonz uv teh gaiz, tunza bonz! Bonz urvywhere, bonz dryr den CEILING CAT'S litr bawx.

3 CEILING CAT askid meh, "Sun uv Gai, can dri gaiz be to lives?" I sez, "O CEILING CAT, onlay u duz nos."

4 Den CEILING CAT sez to meh, "Tell ded dri bonz and sez to dem, 'Dri gaiz, listun n hear teh wurd uv CEILING CAT!'

5 Dis iz what teh CEILING CAT sez to deh bonez: 'Yew get brefs, YAY! Yew get lyfe, FTW!'

6 'Yew can has tinduns on yew and can has fleshes on yew and ken b cuvurd n skinzes, YAY! I give you brefs and you gets lyfe, den u no dat ah'm teh CEILING CAT, KTHX."

7 I sez wut CEILING CAT sez for meh to sez. N as I sez it, lowd noizez, ratlin sowndz, n teh bonz cam 2gedder, bonz to bonz, SRSLY!

8 I lukd, n tinduns n fleshez wur der, and skinz ovur dem, but CEILING CAT furgot deh brefs! WTF CEILING CAT! Oops, sry, srsly, much luv 4 CEILING CAT.

9 Den CEILING CAT sez 2 meh, "Talk 2 da brefs. Talk, sun uv gai, n sez it. 'Dis iz CEILING CAT. Hai. I sez: Frum deh fur windz, O bref, a Breve in2 teh ded, so dey can has live.'"

10 So I sez teh thingz he sez, n da bref went 2 da gaiz, and dey live! WTF, lotsa gaiz!

11 Den CEILING CAT sez: "Sun uv gai, des bonez is haus uv Israel. Dey say, 'dis suckz, we thirsty, and our hopez is gon: no can has cheezburgrs.'

12 so sez to dem: 'CEILING CAT sez sup d00ds, rise frum ur grave, cuz Altered Beast rulz! You can has Israels n all is landz.

13 Den you, my d00ds, will no I am CEILING CAT, when u rise frum ur graves and com up frum dem.

14 You can has CEILING CAT'S supr awsum spirit in yew (srsly) n u can has living, and can has U-Haul to move in own land. Den yew will no dat I is CEILING CAT, and I spake werdz, and can has dun stuf, for always and ever and cheezburgrs. SRSLY.

15 CEILING CAT came back, sup d00d?

16 NM Zeke. Rite on dis stik, "For Judah n teh chilrens uv Izrail, his buddies." Den rite on anudder stik "For Joseph, the stick of Ephraim and for Izrail's hawsis and der friends." Y am I riting on stikz?!

17 Touch dese 2geddur and they'll join. Iz Majikz! WAI!

18 Yer kids will wanna know wut dis meanz. "So do I! WTF majik stikz?!"

19 say to yer kids "Thus spoke CEILING CAT! sup d00ds? Dese stikz are majik, and CEILING CAT gave em to me, so der. Watch! Dey join 2geddur!" N urvy1 will say ZOMGWTF!

20 de stikz uv majikz will be rite in front uv u.

21 tel dem, "CEILING CAT sed dis! Izreel kittehs is ok. Not heathens. Dey can com hear.

22 Ai will makeded dem one nashun in teh ln, on teh montens of Izreel. Der will be one king ovur all of dem n dey will never a gain be two nashuns or be divided into two kingdoms.

23 Dey will no longer defile demselves wit der idols n bad images or wit any of der offenses, for Ai will saf dem from all der sinful backsliding, [b] n Ai will cleanse dem. Dey will be mai people, n Ai will be der Ceiling Cat.

24 " 'Mai servant Davidcat will be king ovur dem, n dey will all haf one shepherd. Dey will follow mai laws n be careful to keep mai decrees.

25 Dey will live in teh ln Ai gave to mai servant Jacobcat, teh ln where ur fatehrs lived. Dey n der kitteh n der kitteh's kitteh will live der forevur, n Davidcat mai servant will be der prince forevur.

26 Ai will makeded a cofnen of peace wit dem; it will be an everlasting cofnen. Ai will makeded dem n increase der numbers, n Ai will put mai sanctaree among dem forevur.

27 Mai dwelling place will be wit dem; Ai will be der Ceiling Cat, n dey will be mai people.

28 Den teh nashuns will know dat Ai teh CEILING CAT makeded Izreel holy, when mai sanctaree is among dem forevur.' "


Ezekiel 37
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