Exodus 6

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1 Ceiling Cat saiz to Moses "now joo c what I dooz to Pharo. I wil hitz him wif mah great big fist and he be like 'let the Israel d00dz go'."

2 So Ceiling Cat seiz to Moses "I am teh H4X0R.3 An I apearz to Abraham nd into Isaac n into Jacob by mah name Ceiling Cat. Ah only tellz you Moses mah real name uv H4XOR.4 An I saidz to themz I givz U fer good the lann uv Canaan where you werr campin' out fer a wile.5 An I heared whinings of Israel kittehs cuz Egyptians pwn them and I rememberz mah promeiz.6 I say to them I iz H4X0R j00's Ceiling Cat which friz you and uz can has skedaddles out uv Egypt.7 Then U wil no I am Cieling Cat, hoo tuuk U out uv Egypt.8 And I goin teik you to Canaan which I seid I giv to u d00dz. A bit lait I admit, sry bout tht k? OKOK, rly late."

9 So Moses seiz all dat to Israelite kittehs, hoo sai "BS!! We no bleef U!! Moses iz n00b". Dey say dat cuz laif iz tuff wit slavry an stuff.

10 An Ceiling Cat seid to Moses:11 "U go vizit-chat wiff Pharo an sai "Let my kittehs go!"

12 Moses he say "Isreal kittehs no listen me! Y wood Pharo? I meow like n00b."


Moses an Aaron can has famblies and kittenz

13 Aggen I telz U dat abowt Ceiling Cat. He tellz Moses an Aaron to get Israelites out uv Egypt sandbox.

14 Dese r teh famblis uv Israel. Reuben can has sunz Hanoch, Pallu, Hezron an Carmi.

15 Simeon can has sunz Jemuel, Jamin, Ohad, Jakin, Zohar and Shaul. Shaul mama wuz Canaanite.

16 Levi can has sunz Gershon, Kohath and Merari. Levi livz 137 yrs. (Dats a loooooong taim.)

17 Gershon can has sunz Libni and Shimei. (Jus 2, eezy 2 rembember.)

18 Kohath can has sunz Amram, Izhar, Hebron and Uzziel. Kohath livz 133 yrs. (Levi livz longr. Gud 4 him)

19 Merari can has sunz Mahli and Mushi.

20 Amram can has sunz Aaron and Moses. (Hey! Dese R teh gud guyz inn R stori!) Amram livz 137 years. Gud 4 him. He eet hole granes.

21 Izhar can has sunz Korah, Nepheg and Zicri.

22 Uzziel can has sunz Mishael, Elzaphan and Sithri.

23 Aaron hook up wit Elisheba an marreez her. She dottir uv Amminadab, and they can has sunz Nadab and Abihu, Eleazar and Ithamar (nawt in 1 litter LOL).

24 Korah can has sunz Assir, Elkanah an Abiasaph.

25 Eleazar iz sun uv Aaron. He get HARBL GOES WHERE? wif dottir of Putiel, and she birff sun Phinehas.

26 OK jus mak shure. The saim Moses an Aaron in fambli lizst abuv is saim as wunz hoo Ceiling Cat sai to dem "Get Israelites owt uv Egypt" (OK test on fambly lizst tomrrow. Study tonite. LOL chust joke)27 Moses an Aaron k? - doan forgett.


Spoiler Alert: Aaron to speek 4 Moses to Pharaoh

28 Itz so nise, da Bible say it twise: Ceiling Cat sez 2 Moses29 "I can iz H4XOR. talk Pharaoh wif newz I tells U".

30 Moses sez I can knot. I chust m-m-m-meow like dis. Pharaoh no listn 2 me. he chust covr eers and sing "Lalalala I kant heer U"

Exodus 6
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