Exodus 14

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Old Testament
Partin' teh Red Sea (Ex 14:19-21).

1 Ohai agen. So tehn Ceiling Cat sez 2 mozis:2 "Ohai Mozis. Tel evrybdy that caem from Isreil that tehy shud go chilout o'er taht way, by teh red see, srsly.3 An farro wil b liek, wtf? R tehy stuk in teh sandbocks?4 An I say farro is stubrn liek donkei. he gon chayse u but i pwnz farro An farros armei. An teh gypshuns kno I is Ceiling Cat." An teh izrelites did wut Ceiling Cat sez.

5 So farro was liek, "OMG wher did tehy go?!?!?!" Cuz theey all lefted alreddy. An he An his peepz change der mynds abowt lettin em go. teh gypshuns were sad cuz der slayvs all left.6 An den farro gott in hiz farro cheryot and was leik, "C'mon giez lets go get thoes slaves bak!!"7 Farro wentt afterr teh Isralights wit leik 600 ov hiz bestest armei d00ds, srsly.8 So stubrn farro chaysd dem An Israel was all, "Bai, srry."9 But Farro An hiz cheryots chaysd dem more An he cachd up wid teh Izrelites at teh red see.10 Tehn teh Irsaaiels sawd Egipshins and wer all, "OMFG@!!!"11 So teh Isrealights were ril madd @ Mosis b/c tehy didint want 2 dei! tehy all "wy we hafta dei heer?!?! we wooda deid in egypp anywai."12 Tehy wud rathur do evrything 4 the egipshins then dei!!! Right??

13 So Mosis sed "OMG CHILLOUT! Ceiling Cat sez wer ttly OK. u no see gypshuns nemor.14 "Ceiling Cat will gives u cheezburgers! I promis u all! dun moov!"15 So Ceiling Cat sez "wy u all scard An axkin fer help? keep moovin.16 holdz up ur big stik over teh see. teh see will splitz apart, leik srsly! An u An teh Izrelites can walks on grownd An not get wet becuz DO NOT WANT!!1!17 An cuz teh gypshuns, tehy stubrn, tehy chayse u. but I wil pwnz dem all.18 An aftur pwnzing, teh gypshuns kno I is Ceiling Cat."

19 So teh big clowd taht wuz Ceiling Cat wuz in frunt but it movd 2 teh bak. it movd20 so it wer btween teh gypshuns An teh Izrelites. An teh clowd wuz dark scarei clowd fur teh gypshuns, but wuz nyse hapei clowd fur teh Izrel d00ds. An teh armeis no can see cuz it wer dark (cept 4 kitties cuz dey cn C in dark).21 Moses put his han ovur teh see, An Ceiling Cat mayk big wind that blowd see all nite till see wuz drei lan so kitties no get wet. teh waterz wer dvided.22 Teh izrelites crosd see on drei urth an no get wet. but tehr wuz walls o water on teh sieds.23 But teh gypshuns An teh charyots chaysd tehm OMG!!

24 Tehn, rite be4 sun caym up, Ceiling Cat lookd at teh gypshuns An he pwnzd dem so dey freekd ouwt.25 An teh weelz ov teh charyots wuz stuk an not moov gud. teh gypshuns sed "Ceiling Cat fites 4 justis 4 teh izrelites, An he no leik us. we shud skedaddlz, leik srsly."26 Ceiling Cat sed 2 moses: "hold ur han ovur teh see, An teh waterz, tehy cum bak An coverz teh gypshuns."27 so moses hold hiz han ovur teh see, An teh waterz go bak 2 normul. teh gypshuns treid 2 run awai, but Ceiling Cat frew dem in2 teh see.28 Teh waterz coverd teh charyots An all teh gypshun armei d00ds. leik srsly. not evun 1 gypshun cud excayp teh waterz.29 But teh izrelites, tehy crosd see on drei urth an no get wet An tehr wuz walls o water on teh sides 4 dem.

30 So Ceiling Cat savd teh izrel peepz taht dey. An teh izrelites seed teh gypshuns all wetz an puffey on teh beech.31 an teh izrelites seed taht Ceiling Cat can pwn gypshuns, An tehy leik "wow taht be awsm!!" An tehy bleev Ceiling Cat An moses (for teh time beein, anywaiyz).

Exodus 14
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