Deuteronomy 6

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Old Testament
Luv Da Ceiling Cat

1 Theez r tha roolz of ceiling cat. statyuz and degreez tat Ceiling Cat, yur dood, DO WANT u to kno. u can obzerv in ur houze tat u haz too pas,2 so yu, yur littr, an him littr, can haz feer Ceiling Cat (yur dood), can haz goodness allwayz, an fynalli can haz nine lifes.3 Heer I, Izrail, bees karefull abowt da rules, so u can grows an praspurrrr. Allwayz remmbr to keep pramiss with Ceiling Cat, (ur faters dood), an i can haz cheezbrgrs.

4 Heer I, Izrail. Ceiling Cat is teh Ceiling Cat, Ceiling Cat alone!5 Thuhs, u can lovez Ceiling Cat, wit ur hole bodies. An sool, an hart. An tale. An mussles! Srsly.6 Put dis stuffz in ur harts, k?7 Also can haz drillz, use them on yur littr. Allwayz be takion bout it, wethr visit or not, wethr nap or eatin.8 Nayl em into ur rist, as sine. Can also haz pendants on hed.9 Useing paynt, draw it on ur littr box, an sofas an stuffz. Srsly.

10 Wen Ceiling Cat, (yur dood, remmebrer), finally! givz u yur stuffz, an ur cheezburgers, tat he pramisseded yur foredaddys, yu can haz ur own roomz, wit cheezburgers almitey!11 U will has housez filled wit catnip an other good stuff lyke taht, but u no build it. U also has wine plantz (cuz we all loves teh wine), but u no plant it. U are eatin teh cheezburger and u lyke it.12 But Ceiling Cat DO NOT WANT taht u forget him (hes yure d00d afer al). He took u out of Egypt, teh place of slavery (which jest meens no cheezburgers).

13 Always has feer of Ceiling Cat and get him cheezburgers and promise it 2 him.14 Dun folow da oder fake gods, like Ceiling Dawg or Ceiling Wabbit (hims tasty).15 Cuz Ceiling Cat iz well jelus an dun liek yu if yu dun liek me bestest, an i fro fierbals at yu. Srsly.16 Dun t3st hims Ceiling Cat liek yuse did a Messa, cu i am gud at t3sts an i wip al yu guyz buttz.17 An yall better du as hims sez, cuz dey da rulz.18 Dun care wut n-e-wun else finks, do wat makes hims a happycat. ur els. Ony den cans hims givs yuse da places wich hims told yure fourdaddys hims would. 19=Him gonna smush al da bad guys fur yuse. Dats wat Ceiling Cat dus.

20 Wens yuse gots da behbah kittehs an dey ask wy dey gots ta follow rulez an stuff,21 tel dem ta mind der own bisnus. Ur tell dem dat yuse waz swaves of da Faro in da ejipt place, den Ceiling Cat used his mighty paw ta pik us up an takes us sumwere els.22 Say dat him did lotsa bad stuff to da Faros houes.23 Den him tookeded us an gav us da places him told yure foredaddys him wood.24 Ceiling Cat told us ta do teh stuf him sez or els he takes it bak. An him wil uninvent cheezburgrs!25 An if we do wat him sez, dat wil be yure riteshis- ritsos- reward. Wood prefer cookies tho.

Deuteronomy 6
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