Deuteronomy 31

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Old Testament

1 An den after Moses sed dese stuffs2 he sed "d00dz, i am liek old nao. Ceiling Cat sed i not be goin across jordan rivr3 But Ceiling Cat will go to da peepz over dere an make dem all ded an you can has all dere land an stuffs. Joshua is ur leeder nao cuz Ceiling Cat sed so.4 Ceiling Cat will maeks dem ded liek Sihon an Og an Amorites.5 And he will give da peepz to u and u doos wut i sez wif dem.6 Be braev, dun be pussys."7 Den Moses sed to Joshua "be braev cuz dese peeps was promisd da land.8 Dun be a pussy."9 so Moses writed it down for to put in Bible later.10 Den he sed "evry 7th yeer when is da festivul of da shelterz,11 you hafs to read dis laws to da peeps of Israel while Ceiling Cat is lookin.12 Tell dem all to listen so they lernz that Ceiling Cat is scaree and dey haf to obay all his lawz.13 You hafs to do dis becuz teh itteh bitteh kittehs who wuz just born not noez dat Ceiling Cat is scaree and dey hafs to lern."

14 Den Ceiling Cat sed to Moses "You is gonna die soon. Bring Joshua for to be comishuned." So Moses an Joshua went to da meeting plce.15 An Ceiling Cat lukt thru da ceiling.16 Den Ceiling Cat sed to Moses "Yous gonna die an den da kittehs will start listenin to Basement Cat o noes!!17 "An den I be liek OMG why u not listen to Ceiling Cat?! An dere be evils an no cheezburgers an da kittehs be liek 'Ceiling Cat not be heer!!'18 "But I be liek nooo is your falt u listen to Basement Cat.19 "So rite down wut I sez plzkthx.20 "Cuz when I bring dem to da land of noms and dey has eaten da cheezburgers and has a happie, den dey will start listenin to Basement Cat!!21 "Den when da evils come an they not has a happie, they will see what you rote as proof!! I noes what they be plannin!!"22 So Moses rited it down and teached it to da kittehs."

Deuteronomy 31
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