Deuteronomy 29

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Old Testament
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1 Tese r de promises dat Moses maded wit teh Israelitas wen Ceiling Cat sed to, & it go wiv teh promises at Horeb.

2 Moses sez: U was in Ejip watchin Ceiling Cat do bad stufz to faroh & his kittehs.

3 U saw da pruf wiv ur eyes, signs of great trials & maveluz trix

4 But still U has blind, U has def, U has stupid.

5 40 irz in sendz, ur shuuz & ur robez lasted liek magic!

6 An U liveded wivout cheezburger & graep coke, so U knows I am Ceiling Cat.

7 Diz place, Sihon pwner uv Heshbon & Og pwner Bashan, wil chalege us an wil b srved.

8 Tuk ther place an giv 2 Rubenitas, Gaditas, but just halv 2 Manassitas k? lol.

9 $$ u wil got

10 Ceiling Cat, boz uv al homies

11 Boz uv ltl d00dz, wivs, aliens, loggers & flooders

12 2 B Ceiling Cat homie, u has 2 swear

13 Swear by oldz d00dz Abrams, Isaks e Jacobz

14 Swear again. lolz

15 But stand upz, k?

16 Piramids r ours now k?

17 Piramids ppl hav false Ceiling animal munsters wiv them, boo

18 Dun pray 2 oda Ceiling animalz k? Tiz poizon us.

19 Now letz get drunk, k?

20 Ceiling Cat dun forgiv u k?

21 Bad Cat seprate, goes to Ceiling animal munsters ppl's place, plage goes there

22 Ltl d00dz got plages 2

23 Bad as Gomorra place

24 Evrbody is like WFT?

25 U is like: U lie wiv Ceiling Cat swear

26 Bad Ceiling Cat wiv lirz place k?

27 Vry Bad

28 Wut Ceiling Cat hasnt sed iz secrts. Ceiling Cat has al secrts fur him only k? Da rest iz fur cats an kitten. oBey Ceiling Cat!

29 Teh secrt stufz are belongin to Ceiling Cat,but teh stufz that are reveald are belonging to teh kittehs and to thair kittehs forevah, that we might follow teh words of tis rool.

Deuteronomy 29
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