Deuteronomy 26

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Old Testament
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Yr firss pharm fuudz. Fork em ovr 4 Ceiling Cat, srsly!

1 Wen U R in yr noo landz taht Ceiling Cat givz yoo, an yoo startz farmeeng,2 taek teh firss cookies an odder fuudz u gro an putz tehm inna baskit. Nawt yr sleeping baskit. Then U goez 2 teh new templ uf Ceiling Cat,3 an say 2 teh preest ther "Oh Hai! I'm noo heer. Ceiling Cat sez thiss iz mai land too, witch he gaev to uss."4 Teh preest will taek awai yr baskit uv cookies, butt dats K. Hee'z gonna givit 2 Ceiling Cat at Hiz altar.5 Den U say 2 Ceiling Cat at teh awltar "Oh Hai. Itz mee. Owr daddykat uv daddykats waz an Aramean. He wentz 2 Eegyp long tiem ago, an maed uss into a reelly big nashun, srsly k?6 Butt teh gypshuns wer meen an maed uss werk 2 harrd.7 So we cald owt 2 Ceiling Cat an he saw ar mizry an payn an unpayd ovrtime.8 So Ceiling Cat freekd owt the Jipshunz wit mirrekels an skary stuf, so we can haz leeving frum Ee-Jip.9 He poynted teh way 2 dis playss 2 cum 2, an gaev us cookies an cheezburgers.10 Nao Ize givz U teh firss cookies an stuf taht I growz heer." Putt teh baskit on teh grown B4 teh alter an bak away slolee. Tehn bow daon.11 Tehn evribuddy iz happi wit teh fuud U haz groan. Levites an aleeinz an evribuddi.

12 Wen Yu taked ur fudz und cookys en yeer 3, wen da tithy comed, srsly, und gived dem 2 teh sweet preest, und da weerdo, und da bastard, und da swete uld laidy, und dey r fulled up wit ur fudz,13 Yu shuld sayed 2 Ceiling Cat, "O Hai! Ai done all dat stuffz dat U wanted mee 2, und I dided all uf it! Srsly!14 Ai nevr eated du fudz ur cookees, und Ai nevr tuched du fudz wen Ai wet, und Ai nevr stukk du fudz wit da ded peeplz, srsly. Ai obayed da Ceiling Cat, Ai didz all his stuffz, srsly.15 Now U needz to 2 lookz down, frum da ceeling, und bleszed all uf da kittehn und da Urfs, O und gives us lotz und lotz of cookyz und warm milk k? Cuz U sad U wuld. Srsly."

Ceiling Cat Telz U Wot 2 Do, So Do It, srsly

16 Ceiiling Cat telz U wot 2 Do, So Do it, srsly. Lookz, it rite up ddere.17 Und U sayd U wuld, srsly U sayd dat U wuld doo all dat stuffz und doo all Him rulz.18 Und Ceiling Cat noes! Srsly, him sayed it,19 und Him wil maked U reely cool, und all da oter kittehs being udder U, und U being all holyz, srsly.

Deuteronomy 26
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