Deuteronomy 25

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Old Testament
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1 When yuse guyz is wantin ta hurtz da oder guyz, yuse gotz ta gos to da cort an da wiggy guyz wilz say wuts wut.2 If da lozer guts ta getz hurted, him gotz ta ly duwn an getz wipped wif tales, buts dun do itz na moer dan fowty tiemses.3 If ya do. den da wipped kitteh wil NUT b amusded.

4 Dun maeks a wurkin hoers weres muzzel mask fing wen hims tredin grayns an stuff ur els him b liek "OMG wut yu no trusts me ur sumfin? Am ony tredin grayns an stuff!"

5 If yuse gutz a buver an wun goez nite nite wifout havin PENIS GOEZ WERE?!? an duns getz a bahbeh kitteh, da wief cannut getz da mawyded outta da famwy. Yuse gutz ta mawy ta wief an hav PENIS GOEZ WERE?!? (cuz datz ta rite fing ta do)6 If da buver iz called, say, Carl, den da nu bahbeh kitth iz ta b colled Carl, soz dat da buverz naem dunt dispeer.

7 But if yuse iz liek "na wayz use iz wel ugwy, i aint mawy yu" den da wief goez ta old guyz at toun gaet an sez "wy him no mawy me i iz so hawt!"8 Den da old guyz getz yuse an if yuse ta say "dun wanna!"9 den da wief getz ta taek yure sandulz ur shooz ur wateva an hers hiss in yure faec.10 Yuse famwy fur eva an eva wil b colled da 'Famwy uf Un Sanduld ur Unshood Ur Wateva'.

11 If yuse is fietin sumwun an wun uf da wiefs cums ta saev hers husbund an grabz hims by da bitz b-loe da pee-pee,12 cutz hers pawz ofs. Dun b sad. Iz bad. An sexxyest.

13 Duns maek a bigz bag an a wittel bag.14 Duns maek a bigz houes an a wittel houes.15 Iz bad ta maek da fingz difrunt wayts. Iz bad.16 Ceiling Cat dun liek guyz hoo are deelin badz.

17 Membur Amulkietz? An wutz dey did ta yuse?18 Dey fulowd yuse an wens yuse sleepin, dey maed sloe guyz go nite nite! Dey nut fraed uf Ceiling Cat!19 Wen yuse getz da hand-me-down places, yuse furget da Amelak guyz an haz fun, k?

Deuteronomy 25
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