Deuteronomy 17

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Old Testament

1 No sacrifising hairbullz or sheeps wif marks on dem to Ceiling Cat. He does not want.2 If ani of you has dun waht Ceiling Cat do not want,3 Or has servd othar Cats or Flyign Pasketti Monstrs or ani othar thing taht Ceiling Cat does not want,4 You know it because of your learnings taht Ceiling Cat does not want in all teh urths, and no is good.5 And teh bringnig of humens and kittahs taht has dun teh bad thign, and trow hairbullz at dem.6 If tow kittah or fre kittah sez, "Is it can be clawing tiem now pls?" then bad kittahs iz scratching post. Buht if wun kittah sez, no clawing tiem.7 Kittahs taht sez, "Trow hairbullz!" wul trow hairbullz befoer othar kittahs. So bad kittahs iz punish for Invisible Error.8 If kittahs can not has decision ovr bad kittahs, betwen hairbull an hairbull, betwen wtf an wtf, an betwen pettins and pettins, then Ceiling Cat sez, 'oh hai I be makin yer judjments!'9 An kittahs will be in ur judjment day, gettin ur final rule from teh preists teh Levites:10 An you follows it liek Ceiling Cat sez an liek teh preists sez.11 An you follows teh rulez an can not has say DO NOT WANT.12 An teh humen or kittah taht no follows teh preist who doez teh Ceiling Cat wants, he may smite you and watch you burninate.13 An all teh kittahs follows teh rulez efter taht.14 An den you go to the place of teh litter box and teh blaknets taht Ceiling Cat gavef you, and say, we can has rulur?15 An Ceiling Cat look ovar teh earfs an sez, dis kittah iz rulur, no iz strangr, iz bruthur.16 But kittah rulur can not has all catnips nor maek all kittahs go into dog haus and be eated. Cuz Ceiling Cat sez, no moar going to teh dog haus now.17 Kittah rulur can not has many gurl kittah frens, nor all kittah treets, nor all teh pettins.18 An kittah rulur ritez teh lawz and sayz to teh priests teh Levites, my lawz, let me show you them.19 An it iz how kittah rulur sez for all kittah rulur's nine lifes. An kittah will know an be afriad of teh Ceiling Cats lawz and rulings.20 Taht he not be petted moar tahn alla kittahs, taht he know all because of his learnings, taht he maek many kittenz an dey can has livin in teh earfs.

Deuteronomy 17
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