Daniel 1

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Old Testament
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Wut Daniel lurnd in Babylon

1 In teh third yeer wen Jehoiakim rulez in Joodah, Nebuchadnezzar, teh kink ov Babylon camez undo Yeahroosalem an wantz cookiez.2 Nebuchadnezzar sed: "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US", an catchz Jehoiakim, an takez lots ov cookiez from Ceiling Catz pad an stuff. Tehn he takez teh cookiez in teh pad of hiz ovn Ceiling Cat, witch wuz in teh land ov Shinar (n0t China u n00b).

3 An teh kink spokez undo Ashpenaz, witch wuz teh massa ov teh nutlezz, taht hee shoold bring soam kidz from Izraelz ppl an prinzes an stuffz.4 Teh kidz shood be kleen an cool an swotz, 2 b cleva enuff 2 giwe teh kink cheezburgr an cood get lolspeak, 2.5 An teh kidz gotz from teh kink cheezburgr an coke an stuff 4 3 yeers, an tehn zey cood meat teh kink.

6 An unda teh kidz from Joodah waz teh gang ov Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael an Azariah.7 Teh massa of teh nutlezz sed, yr in ma land, an gawe them 1337 namez: Daniel gotz Belteshazzar an Hananiah gotz Shadrach an Mishael gotz Meshach an Azariah gotz Abednego, butt zey coodnt spell it.

8 An Daniel zaid im in yr land butt yr cheezburgr an coke r crap, srsly, an i getz teh runz.9 Nau teh Ceiling Cat maed taht teh massa of teh nutlezz, hoo waz gay an stuff, lieked Daniel mutch.10 An teh massa zaid: "OMFG i feer teh kink an he haz gawe yoo cheezburgr an coke, an wen yoo look laik scelletnz an oll assa kidz haz fad assez tehn it getz awnkool."

11 An Daniel chattet wiz Melzar, hoo waz maid the nannie ov teh kidz bai teh massa:12 "Can we haz wead an water 4 teh nxt tenn dayez plz? kthx."13 "An afta taht wee'll shou up an u can zee hoo lookz betta, wee or teh assa kidz hoo getz teh runz from yr cheezburgr."14 Butt Melzar waz kool and sed: "O RLY?" And hee sed: "Deel!"

15 An afta tenn dayez teh pot headz lookt kool cuz teh kink haz goode wead an teh assa kidz lookt laik n00bz.16 So Melzar sed "LOL" an gawe tehm nou moure cheezburgr an coke butt wead n stuff.

17 An teh Ceiling Cat gawe theeze 4 kidz the r00t pwd, an Daniel gotz kool in debuggin an stuff.

18 Az teh 3 yeerz wer ova, teh kink wantz to sea oll teh kidz, an teh massa browd tehm 2 teh kink.19 An teh kink speekz wiz teh kidz, butt teh gang wuz mutch kooler tehn teh assa kidz, an so zey wer alloud 2 gawe teh kink cheezburgr an stuff.20 An Daniel newz teh pwds an cheetz an stuff an pwned teh adminz an conzultanz ov teh kink, witch wer oll trollz.

21 So Daniel steiz bai teh kink an eewen till teh first yeer unda kink Cyrus.

Daniel 1
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