From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
1 Paul lookd straight at teh sanhedrin an sed, "mah brothers, i has fulfilld mah duty 2 ceilin cat in all gud conscience 2 dis dai."2 At dis teh high priest (priests can be high???) Ananias orderd dose standin near paul 2 strike him on teh mouth.3 Then paul sed 2 him, "ceilin cat will strike u, u whitewashd wall! U sit thar 2 judge me accordin 2 teh law, yet u yourself violate teh law by commandin dat i be struck!"4 it written: do not speek evil bout teh rulr ov ur peeps.[a]"5 Paul replid, "Oh... brothers, i did not realize dat he wuz teh high priest;6 Then paul, knowin dat sum ov them wuz sadduceez an teh others fariseez, calld out in da sanhedrin, "mah brothers, im farisee, teh son ov farisee. I stand on trial cuz ov mah hope in da resurrecshun ov teh ded."7 When he sed dis, dispute broke out tween teh fariseez an teh sadduceez, an teh assembly wuz dividd.8 (teh sadduceez say dat thar iz no resurrecshun, an dat thar r neithr angels nor spirits, but teh fariseez acknowledge them all.)9 There wuz great uproar, an sum ov teh teachers ov teh law hoo wuz fariseez stood up an argud vigorously. "we find nothin wrong wif dis man," they sed. "wut if spirit or an angel has spoken 2 him?"10 The dispute became so violent dat teh commandr wuz afraid paul wud be torn 2 piecez by them. He orderd teh troops 2 go down an taek him away frum them by force an brin him into teh barrackz.11 The followin nite teh lord stood near paul an sed, "taek courage! As u has testifid bout me in jerusalem, so u must also testify in rome."
Teh plot 2 kill Paul
12 the next mornin teh jews formd conspiracy an bound themselvez wif an oath not 2 eat or drink til they had killd paul.13 More than forty doodz wuz involvd in dis plot.14 They went 2 teh chief priests an elders an sed, "we has taken solemn oath not 2 eat anythin til we has killd paul (baaad idea....)15 Now den, u an teh sanhedrin petishun teh commandr 2 brin him before u on teh pretext ov wantin moar accurate informashun bout his case. We r ready 2 kill him before he gets her."16 But when teh son ov pauls sistr herd ov dis plot, he went into teh barrackz an told paul.17 Then paul calld wan ov teh senturions an sed, "taek dis young man 2 teh commandr; he has somethin 2 tell him."18 So he took him 2 teh commandr. Teh senturion sed, "paul, teh prisonr, sent 4 me an askd me 2 brin dis young man 2 u cuz he has somethin 2 tell u."19 The commandr took teh young man by teh hand, drew him aside an askd, "wut iz u wants 2 tell me?"20 He sed: "teh jews has agred 2 ask u 2 brin paul before teh sanhedrin 2morrow on teh pretext ov wantin moar accurate informashun bout him.21 Dont giv in 2 them, cuz moar than forty ov them r waitin in ambush 4 him. They has taken an oath not 2 eat or drink til they has killd him. They r ready nao, waitin 4 ur consent 2 their request."22 The commandr dismisd teh young man an caushund him, "doan tell anyone dat u has reportd dis 2 me."
Paul tranzferrd 2 caesarea
23 Then he calld 2 ov his senturions an orderd them, "git ready detachment ov 2 hundrd soldiers, seventy horsemen an 2 hundrd spearmen[b] 2 go 2 caesarea at 9 tonite.24 Provide mounts 4 paul so dat he cud be taken safely 2 governor felix."25 He wrote lettr as follows:26 Claudius lysias, 2 his excellency, governor felix: greetings.27 This man wuz seizd by teh jews an they wuz bout 2 kill him, but i came wif mah troops an rescud him, 4 i had lernd dat he iz roman citizen.28 i wantd 2 knoe y they wuz accusin him, so i brought him 2 their sanhedrin.29 i findz dat teh accusashun had 2 do wif queshuns bout their law, but thar wuz no charge against him dat deservd death or imprisonment. When i wuz informd ov plot 2 be carrid out against teh man, i sent him 2 u at once.30 i also orderd his accusers 2 present 2 u their case against him.31 So teh soldiers, carryin out their orders, took paul wif them durin teh nite an brought him as far as antipatris.32 The next dai they let teh cavalry go on wif him, while they returnd 2 teh barrackz.33 When teh cavalry arrivd in caesarea, they deliverd teh lettr 2 teh governor an handd paul ovar 2 him.34 The governor read teh lettr an askd wut province he wuz frum. Lernin dat he wuz frum cilicia,35 He sed, "im gonna hear ur case when ur accusers git her." den he orderd dat paul be kept undr guard in herodz palace.
- a - Acts 23:5 exodus 22:28
- b - Acts 23:23 teh meanin ov teh greek 4 dis werd iz uncertain.
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