From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Teh HovrCat Has Got To Teh Pennycots
1 Wen teh dai of teh Pennycots cam, dey wer togedder in won plays.
2 Den, holy moos, a sawnd lyk many kittehs yellin "MIAO!" cam frum teh ceiling and filld teh hawse wher teh d00ds wuz chillin.
3 Dey sawd lickys of fyre dat cam ovr ther heds and omg it burnz! it burnz! Oh wait, no it dont!
4 All of them d00ds wuz feelin' teh Hover Cat,
an dey all talkd in stranj LOLspeek lik:
"I do say sir, what have we got here? I do believe there
are tongues of fire-like substance coming upon our heads.
and making us speak in quite the funniest way."
wtf iz wit dat? Cuz teh Hover Cat maed it happn, w00t!
5 Now teh d00ds wuz chillin in Jerooslum, Joos who feerd teh Ceiling Cat, frum evry nashun undur teh Ceiling, srsly.
6 Wen dey herd da sawnd, a litter caym and wer lyk, “No Wai!” cuz dey all talkd in weerd LOLspeeks.
7 Wow'd fer shur, dey axed,"Arnt deez teh d00ds who speekd Gallyleen bfor, watz happnin?
8 Den haw duz we heerz our naytiv LOLspeeks? Srsly!"
9 Angoras, an Manxs an Tabbies; an kittehs frum Persia an Abyssinia,
10 an Ejipt an teh partz of teh Burma neer Siam. Der were also kittehs frum resurch labz!
11 both teh Joos and da switchies two Joodyizm frum teh feilds an aleewaiz, herd dem,
"we heer dem myowin' teh 1ders ov teh Ceiling Cat in aur LOLspeeks!” WTF?
12 Wow'd and confoozd dey sez, "WAI DO THEY SPEEK DIS WAY?!?! WAI?"
13 And sum peepl LOL’d at dem and sed:
“Ya, rite. Dey nom too much gatorade, Srsly.”
Don wurry, Ceiling Cat pwnz dem peepl l8r. Kthx.
14 Den Peter stowd up wit teh eleven an sed to teh cwowd: "Oh hai!
15 Weez not drunk sillee! It be nine ay em, DO NOT WANT!
16 U know wut Joel teh profitz sez? Wel I tell yu:
17 'In teh last daiz, Ceiling Cat sez,
Im in ur urthz, puurin teh spiritz on all kittehs,
Ur suns and doters can has profisies,
Ur yung kittehs can has fun time in teh eyez!
Ur old kittehs can has fun time in teh branez!
I can has be puttin my spiritz on even teh servents! RLY!
And dey can has profisies.19 Iz gunna show u all ov teh fun stuffs up in teh Ceilin, srsly.
Oh! Yeh! Iz almos can has no memowies. Iz awso gunna show fun stuffz on teh urthz.
Oh wate, dos not fun! Urthz can has firez an smoke. Kawf! Kawf! DO NOT WANT!20 Teh big day staw, no moar!
An teh moon can has be all blud and stuffz. Yuk!
but den Jeebus can has be back! Yayz!21 An evewywun who be like "Jeebus!" can has cheezburger! Rly!'
22 Hey kittehs of teh Israel, lissen to dis: Jebus wuz of Ceiling Cat, srsly. He doed ALL teh cool stuffz an stuff.23 An den yu kill him, rly.24 But den Ceiling Cat browt him bac! He can has teh powah! Deths... wuz dat? lol.25 Dis iz wut David sed:
'Ceiling Cat alwayz be wit me, kinda creepy26 but oober asum!27 Cuz u no leev me 4 woomun,
Ceiling Cat, even if her chesticlz be hyoooooj!!28 You teechz me 2 not suck'
29 Kittehs,I can has wordz that teh David... he is ded.30 But he wuz profet, srsly. Ceiling Cat sed dat his kittehs one day be on teh thronez.31 Den Ceiling Cat wuz all sayin about Baby Jebus raisen frum teh ded!32 Baby Jeebus wuz all bac from the ded, yu kno dis. Yu saweded!33 Nao hez sittin wif Ceiling Cat.34 Nao David, he can has no asenswion to teh Ceiling, but he sed,
Teh Lord sed to mai Lord:
Sit wit me.35 I pwnzor ur enimes! Srsly.'
36 "Yo! Lissen! Ceiling Cat madeded Baby Jeebus, whom yu makez ded (lols), like teh Ceiling Cat."
37 Den teh oddah kittehs mewed and beez lik, "omfg! Wut can has we be doin?"
38 Peter sed, "Go get a waterbath in teh name of Baby Jeebus, cuz yooz stinks, srsly! an yu can has no mor Invisible Errorz! Den yu can has HovrCat in yu!39 Even ur kittenz can has dis. Even dos dat ar all far awai and stufz."
Teh Fewoship of teh Beweevaws
42 Den dey gotz cookiez an dey praid and lissen to teh oder kittehs43 Everywun wuz all happeh and teh apawsles didz a majic sho, srsly.44 An dey wer all frenz, lol.45 Dey sell stuffz like blanketz and oder stuffz, an dey giv stufz to poor kittehz.46 Evewy day dey met an went an had sleep ovahs and slumbah partayz an dey eated cookiez!47 Dey worshipz Ceiling Cat an den he wuz all happeh an teh apawsles can has moar saveded kittehs!
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