2 Kings 7

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Old Testament
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1 Elisha meowz too hoo-evr will lissen "Ceiling Cat letz me knoez taht tomorroe kitti fuud will sel 4 cheep. Cum too Samaria gayt 4 low, low pricxes on all Meow Mix an cookies."

2 Teh kyng'z helperkat sayz "I no beleevs U. Howe kan this happin?". Elisha sez to him "Iz tru! Butt U wont eetz ani uv it."

Teh odder armi scamperz awai

3 Tehre wuz fore kittehs wit lepersee at teh gaet uv teh citi. Lepersee iz a dizeeze wer yr pawz an noze falz off. Wun uv teh lepards sez 2 teh odders. "Thingz doan luuk guud to me. Guud chants we wil go "Blargh" an dy. Iff wee stai heer, we dy.4 Iff we goez into citi wee dy uv starvashun. So letz goez 2 teh enemi Arameans. Mebbi tehy killz uss, mebbe tehyz doan killz us. Dis sutuashun sux"

5 Wen teh sun collapsd B-lo teh horizin an it getz darx owt, teh 4 lepard kittehz goez 2 Arameanz kamp. Butt OMGWTF no enemiz wuz ther!6 Ceiling Cat can had playd a rucordin uv armee noizes uv horsies an soljah-kittehs, an teh Arameans can had meowed taht a bigg armee uv Hittitz an Egypshuns wer comeeng.7 So teh Arameans rann awai so fast taht tehy lef der horsees and dawnkiis behin.

8 Teh foar lepperr kittehs wen ina tent an foun cookies an odder fuud. Nom nom nom! Tehy foun goald an silber bling an tuuk it awai an hidd it. Tehy also found closths an hid tehm 2.

9 Tehn dey meowd "Oh noes! Tihs iz guud nyooz 4 teh odder kittehs. We muss goan tel teh odder kittehs taht ther iz no armi heer. Letz go bak 2 taown an telem."

10 So tehy wen back an tolled tewh gatekeepr kittehz taht teh Aramean kamp had gawn Bermuda Triangle on em: No Aramean soljah kittehs, jus ther horsees, odder animables, tentzes, bling an odder stuf.11 Teh gatekeepr kittehz tolled teh Pallas kats in teh palace.

12 Teh kynge getz up att niet-tyme and sez to teh armee bosskats "I gesses teh Arameans R plottin. Tehy haz a brayn thot that we R so hungary wee wil cum owt uv teh citi, an go 2 her kamp 4 fuud. Tahts wen we getz kapchurd and tehy getz in2 teh citee."

13 A bosskat givs ordur "Taek chust 5 horsies an go 2 teh Aramean kamp. Fine owt wot appins wiht teh Arameans."

14 Teh kynge sez tahts guud thinkin. "Go an fine owt. kthxbai."15 Teh kittehs foun taht teh Arameans can had frone awai theyr armore an odder suppleyes as tehy left. Tehy repotd bak 2 teh kynge.16 Hooray! All teh kittehs leff teh citi, and brot bak frum teh Aramean kamp all teh fuud tehy cuud carri. Lo lo prixes on all katfuud, cookies an catsnip. Hooray! Chust liek Ceiling Cat sayed.

17 Teh saym hekperkat 2 teh kynge hoo meowed taht Elisha wld B rong abt lo lo prixes wuz put in charj uv teh gate wear teh katfuud waz 2B souled. An hee wuz crushd 2 deth wif al teh kittehs stompin on him.18 Just liek Elisha sayd wen he predictd lo prixes fur fuud.

19 Ceiling Cat sayd taht teh helperkat 2 teh kyng wuud nawt eet ani fuud. Ceiling Cat wuz rite. He 'z alwuz rite!20 Stompd to deth by hunnreds uv kitty pawz. Nawt pretti but getz teh job dun for Ceiling Cat.

2 Kings 7
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