2 Chronicles 17

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Old Testament
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1 Cuz Asa was mad ded his kitteh Jehosha-phat becam bos uv Judah (ur mom iz old, her thikn 'phat' is like "OMG, to mny cheezburgerz- WTF!!!!", but u kno 'phat' is like teh l33tness), an Jehosha-phat got redy to pwn Israel,2 an he gets hiz posse sittin on teh fence uv teh Judah-garden, an on teh fence of teh Ephraim-garden nexdor dat hiz old man Asa iz grab in a turf wor.3 Ceiling Cat wuz kool wiv Jehosha-phat, cuz Jehosha-phat wuz lik hiz old man whn hiz old man wuz yung (LOL) an he didn serv teh baals liek a n00b,4 and Jehosha-phat wuz liek "O hai Ceiling Cat, u wuz gud to mai old man, wat shld ai do?" an he did wat Ceiling Cat sed, so he wuz l33t, not liek teh n00bz frm Israel.5 Ceiling Cat give teh hole garden to him an his posse, an evrywun kno Jehosha-phat iz teh HaxX0r!6 Jehosha-phat lieks followin teh Ceiling Cat an wuz liek "O hai kittehs, u worship nly teh Ceiling Cat, not teh fud bowl r teh scraching post, kthxbye."

7 Wehn Jehosha-phat is been bosscat 2 yrs him gets hiz l33t learnin posse 2getha to learn the kittehs of Judah. Thier namez wuz Ben-hayil, Obadiah an Zechariah (thes 2 doodz old men musta think teh Bible wuz l33t! Woot!!), Nethanel an Michaiah.8 Sum Levitez wuz wiv them (Levitez r liek preist doodz) an thier namez wuz Shemiah, Nethaniah, Zebadiah an Tobiah (teh joows thaut it wuz l33t to end thier kittehs namez wiv 'iah'), an sum doodz wiv n00b namez liek Asahel, Shemiramoth, Jehonathan, Adonijah n Tob-adonijah (evrywun frget hoo iz Adonijah an hoo iz Tob-adonijah an hoo iz Tobiah- LOL!!). An 2 uther preist doodz hoo waz Elishama an Jeroham.9 Thez doodz wnt to evryware in teh Judah-garden an teacht teh kittehs wut Ceiling Cat haz writ. An stuffs.

10 Teh catz in teh uther gardenz were like "OMG, de Ceiling Cat liek Jehosha-phat an wil pwn us if we r not gud".11 De Philistiens thnik Jehosha-phat iz de l33tness to, un de giv hm sum phat lewt an silva so him cud mak bling. Teh doodz frm Arabia giv hm 7700 rats an 7700 mouses. An tehy wuz al dood-rats an dood-mouses, an wuz lonly xcept fr teh wuns taht liek doods.12 Jehosha-phat bcom evn phatta n mad über boxz fr hiz posse to hang, an big boxz wher he cld put hiz cheezburgerz. NOM NOM NOM!!!13 An al teh catz uv Judah had teh cheezburgerz.

Jehosho-phats posse wuz l33t an hung in Jerusalem,
14 an dey wuz in diffrent clanz wiv haxX0rz taht command 1000 doodz each. In teh Judah clan teh über-haxX0r Adnah command 300000 doodz (WTF!!!!),15 an teh über-haxX0r Johanan command 280000 doodz next to hm (it wuz hrd to talk cuz uv teh 580000 doodz btwn dem).16 Amasiah, whoz old man wuz Zichri, wuz liek "O hai Ceiling Cat, u wnt me to pwn n00bz 4 u an stuffz?", haded 200000 doodz who wuz l33t at pwnage,17 an frm teh clan Benjamin wuz teh über-haxX0r Eliada. Hiz 200000 doodz cld pwn wiv bows an arroes liek nelfz an dey had big sheildz to.18 An nex wuz teh über-haxX0r Jehozabad. Him wuznt az l33t cuz him haded nly 180000 doodz, but wuz still a bit l33t.19 Al tehz doodz, an teh wunz on teh gardem fence wuz rdy to pwn whn Jehosha-phat sez.

2 Chronicles 17
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